Anyone else have a BM who LOVES therapy????
DH has two teens with BM. BM has had BOTH kids in therapy Psychologist and psychiatrist for YEARS since the divorce. Both kids have multiple issues...ADHD, mood disorders, Defiant and social disorders and on a Cocktail of drugs. Personally I just think both kids are just Entitled spoiled brats and all therapy has taught them is how to make people feel sorry for them. But hey I'm not a doctor what do I know. BM also want DH to go to all these therapy appointments with her and the kids and has tried for years to get DH to go to parenting therapy with her.
I know what everyone is thinking...BM is still in love with DH...big nope she hates him and does everything to try and make his life hell. Refuses to switch parenting days, made it difficult for DH to reach the kids when they were younger refused to share school papers. Think you get my point.
So why is she so big on DH going to therapy appointments with her for the kids and even bigger why Coparenting therapy with her????
So she can get an expert to
So she can get an expert to put him down in front of the skids. To manipulate the puppet strings. Control.
I'm all for taking the kids
I'm all for taking the kids to therapy if they truly need it and it helps. Doesn't sound like it's helping, though. And having DH go with BM is some manipulative BS. Their relationship has already failed, it's over. They need a good, comprehensive CO and to stick to it.
Also, is she pushing for them
Also, is she pushing for them to have multiple diagnoses, going to multiple therapists, like possible Munchausen by proxy or to get a SS disability check? Working in the school system i saw that a few times.
Hmmm maybe BUT
I'm thinking it's more to try and play the victim and get the therapist to side with her against DH. BM has tried for years to control DH and our household without success. So I'm thinking she's using the therapists to twist DH arm to do what she wants.
BM is also VERY lazy so she wants the kids drugged up. It's easier to slap a mental condition on them and drug them up than step up and Discipline/parent the brats
Hopefully your DH will stand
Hopefully your DH will stand up to her and not fall into the trap. I hope they have a good, comprehensive CO that they *follow*. That should keep her from having anything to hold over his head.
BMs like this feel validated
BMs like this feel validated from the attention they get from all the therapists and the "oh, you poor thing, doing this all on your own with such challenging children," stuff.
Your BM still wants to be connected to DH - the opposite of love is indifference, not hate. She's doing everything she can to keep him engaged with her, maybe in battle rather than love, but she's still forefront in his life if she does this.
BM here had SS20 in therapy from 11 on (I think he still is). Never did anything for him, because they never talked about the REAL issue - BM.
"the opposite of love is
"the opposite of love is indifference, not hate"
This is exactly what I was going to say. When people are so invested in others - either positively or negatively - you really have to look at the source of that investment.
And that many years in therapy, with the same therapist, without much progress is a waste of money. Time to find a new therapist.
I'm a huge fan of therapy,
I'm a huge fan of therapy, but I have to say that your DH needs to remove himself from the situation. This is triangulation at its finest and BM is at the helm. I bet she loves it in some sick and twisted way too, because power and control and all that jazz.
All parties (DH, BM, kids) are capable of reaping the rewards of therapy on their own with a therapist of their own choosing. All therapists aren't created equal.
8 years of Therapy?
Your bm wants a connection with dh. THIS is working and feeding her need.
Some will use the legal system to feed the need, while others use medical. Some use both.
Is BM collecting ssi for skids?
Why did dh decide to continue participating in sessions? 8 years, my oh my, are they able to function at all?
Sounds like BM is trying to
Sounds like BM is trying to control the therapy, rather than allowing it to progress naturally. I agree with posts above that this is because she is getting her own emotional needs met through the validation that her children "need help".
I also think that she is trying to get attention from your DH. For some, any attention is good attention. As I always tell my DH, if you truly hate someone, you do everything you can to avoid that person. If you are trying to get attention or a reaction from them, you still want their attention, leading me to believe that you still have feelings for the person you claim to hate.
She is obtaining minions to
She is obtaining minions to support her PAS efforts. Sadly far too many behavioral experts are just minions for hire to issue some bullshit Dx so a failed parent can feel good about themselves. "Whaaaa! I told you its not my fault!" IMHO half, or more, of the Dxs for the syndrome of the month developed by people who can't get a real job to justify their pseudo professional existance are nothing more than bullshit excuses for bad parenting.