annoyed
So call me selfish...idc.
I told my fiance a while back that I was no longer watching his child while he worked due to baby momma drama (see other forum:just venting). I never get any time for myself anyways I'm lucky if I get a weekend out a year. Which is fine i chose to have a child. I work full time, I'm a full time student and my son's father doesn't help in anyway. So this weekend is my first weekend off in a while....and the weekend before I start class again. I made plans to have some time to myself and was going to let my son go to his memaws. Only to be told that my fiance had to work this weekend and I was to watch his son (bec it's our weekend) sorry for feeling selfish but when his mother is only a mom 2 or 3 days a week half the time it's just half a day....and I'm constantly with my child or at work it's a little frustrating to feel like I'm a baby sitter for their kid. Not to mention I've said it a million times no and then get guilt tripped into doing it and then I'm talked poorly about by his ex and his family while I watch the child...when I refused this time his reply was "tough." Wtf
I am watching his son
I am watching his son tomorrow...but as soon as he gets home I'm leaving. Going to take mine to his memaw and I'm gonna enjoy myself. And im only watching him bec he guilt tripped me, however this will not happen again!
When he has to work, his kid
When he has to work, his kid should be with the BM. Visitation is for spending time with his son, not him working and the kid spending time with you.
Stop letting him guilt you into it. Until you do something to show you are serious (like leave before he goes to work so you cannot watch the kid) he is going to continue to take advantage of you because you have let him all of this time.
Put your foot down and show him you are serious.
If he had any respect for you, this would not be an issue.
If she works too then how is
If she works too then how is that gonna work? She also lives an hour away and refuses to commute unless she absolutely has to. It's his weekend. I'm the only help he has. Just annoying.
He could hire a sitter. He
He could hire a sitter.
He could have the kid stay with mom tonight. Mom could find a sitter. Dad could pick up the kid from the sitter after work.
But the truth is he knows he doesn't have yo do any of thst. All he has to do is TELL you that you're watching his kid. You may complain, but he knows it is just noise.
Hire a sitter. Shit with how
Hire a sitter. Shit with how much child support he pays we have no extra for a sitter.
Clearly you have no
Clearly you have no intentions of putting ab end to this. He knows darn well you're going to do what he wants no matter what you say.
Hell, he doesn't even have to come with excuses for leaving the kid with. You are coming up excuses for him. AMAZING
Oh excuse me for having a
Oh excuse me for having a conscience and knowing that if I didn't help he would have no other way to spend time with his child. I'm not gonna be the one to make it even harder for him to See him.
If you were not in the
If you were not in the picture, he would have to figure it out. He isn't doing that now because he doesn't want to and he knows you will not take a stand on this.
You have the power to end this but you're making the choice not to.
He needs to figure it out.
He needs to figure it out. What would he do if he were single? Who would he use then?
You either want to do it or you don't. You say you don't want to and that you told him as much awhile back but you are still doing it. Now you say, "it's his weekend, I'm the only help he has."
Helping somebody out every now and then is one thing. Somebody telling you, "Tough," when you say you don't want to do them the FAVOR this time, is quite another (and makes him an asshole, who has no respect for you).
He needs to arrange for someone else to watch his son while he works, forfeit his visitation, or pick the kid up after work. Those are his options.
^^^This! What would he do if
^^^This! What would he do if you weren't there? And his response would result in me refusing any required favors EVER. And like hereiam said, he acting like an asshole.
Do the little boys get along
Do the little boys get along ok? Both being three would make a handful, but would your memaw watch both of the boys? I know that it isn't ideal, and your SO is being an pass, but being what you said in another of your threads about 'family' and not wanting your son excluded? Is your memaw willing to include SS? It'd give you your break.
They get along great and I'm
They get along great and I'm sure she would have no problems watching them both. However my ss
Bio mom would have a fucking cow so I wouldn't do that
Why do you care what she
Why do you care what she thinks? It is Dad's time and if Dad is ok with the child staying with your relative than it is none of her concern.
*****
*****
I am going to be blunt,
I am going to be blunt, because that is my nature.
Is there a ring on your finger and a piece of paper that says you and him are married?
No??
Screw his kid.
Yes??
Where in the hell is momma, because most BMs I know have the first right of refusal.
I raised my SD for 13 years. THIRTEEN years with no breaks other than the stays at the mental hospital and the RTF. Don't let yourself be used.
THIS is why I am blunt.
Yeah this is a tricky one but
Yeah this is a tricky one but it is one that you are going to have to make a decision and stick to.
The reason you have issues now is because you told him "No, you need to arrange care for your child if you are working and I have plans" and then you backed down and caved into him because you dont want to be the one that makes it difficult for him.
Now whilst I understand that, it is that action that has now made this such a BIG issue.
There are two ways of handling it, you can even give the decision between the two directly to BM if your SO is too uncertain to make it himself;
1. Give BM the right of first refusua;, if dad is not able to have his son (due to work) then BM can have him back.
2. DHs time is DHs time to do as he wishes; meaning if hes working he has to sort out childcare and BM cant blow a fit because she doesnt like what hes arranged.
Its really that simple.
From day one it was clear to my SO that his time with SD is his time and his responsibility. Whilst I may offer solutions some times I am not his fall back for child care. It was down to him to organise his working hours, his schedule with his daughter and for the two not to demand anything of me. What did he do? Carried on as he had been before he and I met, he took care of his daughter and arranged child care for when he wasnt able.
As time passed he ended up offered a promotion that came with shifts that meant occassionally he was unable to take SD to school, so she would have had to be in child care from really early. At the point I OFFERED to take her to school on those days, but it was offered by me, it was never suggested by him and honestly for that reason made it no big deal to me.
Is there resentment between me and my fiance over it? Nope.
If your SO is the type of man to throw at you that you are preventing him from seeing his son then frankly hes not worth the time of day, being in a step dynamic can be hard, but throwing insults about the kids is just a no go.
It is more tricky given that you have a child yourself, and I could see his annoyance if you were saying you were staying home with your son but not happy to have his there too for a couple of hours to bridge the gap when hes home from work but thats not what is happening.
You have arranged for you to have some time to yourself, you have arranged child care for your son, he needs to do the same
Just to clear up any
Just to clear up any confusion my fiance is no way shape or form disrespectful to me. I do put myself in tough situations for the fact that I am to nice and to giving not to. If I feel I'm the only help at the time to give him time with his child I will do it. Does it happen all of the time? NO. He knows I refuse. But it's kind of shitty of me when he helps me so much with mine and he doesn't have to do that just as much as I don't have to do anything with his. He went almost a week during his two week visitation without seeing his son bec I refused to watch him due to BMs crap and while I stuck to my guns it also made me feel awful. He hasn't asked since. We are in a tough spot financially right now so he picked up an extra shift at work. First time he's done so in a while. The only reason I am mad is bec I had planned something for myself for once and was told other wise. If it had been any other time or weekend I would not have cared one bec BM has been put in her place and is no longer been a problem, nd I would be home with my child anyways. Now with that being said he did make arrangements and his son is going to his gmas. I'm taking him to meet her in a little while. He's not this awful guy. We're two good people In a tough situation with a terribly narcissistic BM and a deadbeat dad on my side. We do the best we can with what we have been given. I was just annoyed. But we've got it figured out.
You made plans for yourself
You made plans for yourself but we're told otherwise??? Are you his partner or child? If your memaw is willing to watch both boys that's where they would be, if it were me. The boys get time together, memaw gets to bond with the step grandkid. If BM has anything to say about it TOUGH!! As long as it is not an unfit person or environment and she had first choice to have him back and BD says it is ok, she has no say. You better stop her from dictating what goes on in your home now while it's early. It doesn't seem like a very big thing now but it is setting the building blocks, the pattern of what you will allow. You very clearly are being taken advantage of. You made plans, you found a sitter for your child and your SO says 'tough'!?!? He has no respect for you. He is basically telling you it doesn't matter that you went through the trouble of planning an outing for yourself, he needs you to do something.
Step back and read this thread as if you didn't write it. Take your emotions out of it, you will see it like everyone else does.