Am I being Petty?
I really like my two stepkids - alot - they are both great. I make about twice what DH makes and god, probably 75% more than BM so I have the money to do nice things for them. Just a short list, I personally pay for their medical, dental, and vision insurance (they do have it through BM too), a medical spending fund (SD used it to buy contact lenses), bought them clothes and shoes, took them on vacation, took each of them on a pricy day or weekend trip to the spa or to the beach for their birthdays (even got BM a room at the beach hotel because it was mother's day and I booked it on that weekend on accident). Most recently, I paid for a trip for SD, SS, me and DH to go up to San Francisco to check out colleges with SD. This includes airfare, hotel, car rental, etc. I also offered to fix SD's car for her ($800). I think I've been pretty generous.
Frankly, it looks like DH and I are splitting up - I am still taking SD on the trip up north alone this weekend, but I was pretty annoyed that BM is posting on Facebook about the trip as though she was sending SD and, never mentioning or thanking me for taking SD, but instead complaining that plans had changed (ummm, yeah I have to work last minute to make the money for these things) so I am going up separately to meet SD. BM sees me all the time and has not once thanked me for buying the kids anything, providing insurance, or sending SD on this trip. I guess I shouldn't feel to slighted considering BM also slept with some completely disgusting guys for car repairs, home repairs,and got the last one (who she dated all of two months) to buy her a vacuum. She doesn't have much pride.
I feel bad, because it is not SD's fault that me and her dad are splitting up or that her BM is a bitch, but at this point I feel like saying no to the car repairs. It would be nice for SD to have her car, but it is a major convenience for BM, who gets mad every time she has to heave her butt off the couch to drive SD to work 10 minutes away. She came outside and screamed at DH one evening in a drunken rage taht we wouldn't let SD use his work truck anytime he wasn't personally driving it, after we caught BM driving the truck. Am I being petty? Should I go through with paying this last thing for SD or let her know kindly that her mom and dad need to be providing her a car and car repairs?
Ugh, I know - thats what I
Ugh, I know - thats what I think too. It's not SD's fault - she is the sweetest, smartest, most mannerly kid ever. I have no idea how those two managed to make her. I do want to help her, but DH has borrowed an insane amount of money from me too, plus I can't get over the fact that BM acts as though this is all owed to her somehow or she is the one providing it. I totally get that the kids need at least one parent they can look up to and have chosen BM - they act as though it was some unlucky throw of the dice that their mom sat on her ass for 16 years without pursuing work or an education, left their dad with little plans, STILL hasn't done much with herself except drink and smoke and work at a part time crappy job. I feel like explaining to them that I didn't win the damn lottery, I put myself through grad school and worked my way up to a good salary.
I have a DD of my own who wants for nothing, but really, I feel like after all I've given to them over the past year (yep, we've only been together for a year), I should be focusing on her. I also keep thinking about how loudly I know BM is going to crow that I am leaving DH. She has told me herself that she was just mad that he had met someone nice before her and that it wouldn't last (she was right - I am out of here). I just caaaaaan't get my wallet open to fix the car! I need to be the bigger person, I know. Poor SD has had enough empty promises in her life.
I agree with Foxie...but in
I agree with Foxie...but in the end it's up to you. And yes I would tell SD that she needs to get an edcucation if she wants to live a good life.
As for BM tell her to go punt...she is so lucky that you have been a great SM to these children.
Z
P.S. sorry that you and DH are splitting up..I hope you are ok...
Bottom line, you offered SD
Bottom line, you offered SD help in fixing her car. Its not about anyone else now, no matter how much resentment you feel. Its an offer of a gift of $$ help to another person. And now, through no fault of SD's you are considering recanting your promise to her.
Do the right thing, be the bigger person than SO and BM and help SD with her car.
And then no longer offer financial assistance to her.
SD was lucky to have you in her life...even if for only a year.
You are a better person than I in that regard. I too work very hard for my money, but my DH's child is not my financial responsibility. She has 2 parents. I didn't birth her, I am not responsible for her....no matter how much my husband guilts me into thinking I am.