Am I being a brat?
Hi everybody... New here, still not sure of all the lingo and abreviations so I apologize in advance..
So, I am 37 weeks pregnant with my first child, have been with the father for almost 6 years..he has a soon to be 12 year old son. Paternity of that child is in question, but my bf says it's too late to do anything about it. Whatever.
So the kid has been with us the whole summer, his mom has not even come to see him once since June, even tho she lives 10 min. away... We live in a small island in the carribean, the kids Mom is a small time celebrity here, and can usually be found on TV or twitter gushing about what a great mom she is.. okkkayyyy
At this point of my pregnancy, I want to have a clean house, that is impossible with this kid around 24/7. Also, I can go into labor I at anytime, so I asked my bf what he was gonna do with his kid when the time comes...He said he will bring him with us to the hospital....whhhatttt?? Umm yeah buddy, I don't think so!
So i told my bf that this was OUR time, and this being my first and probably only baby I will have, I want it to be an experiance for Him,I and baby... But Nooooooo, he has to "remind" me that he has a kid, and that his kid will be part of this. And that I am a bitch for wanting to "exclude" his precious son from My birthing experience. So in the end he is not making any arrangements for this kid to either go home with his mom, or stay at another relatives house.. And i am seriously about to tell my bf that he can just keep his ass at home with his kid while I go have the baby..Am I messed up in the head for thinking this moment should be between my bf, myself and our new baby? I just want to scream!
Oldhag is right. Stand your
Oldhag is right. Stand your ground here it is a special time between you and your husband. You have every right to want just your husband there. Anyway, this boy is 12 and not your bio son, that's not right for him to be there while you give birth and a lot of men don't handle the experience very well this boy could be traumatised. His father is an idiot (sorry).
No, Nelly you are not. The
No, Nelly you are not. The last thing you're going to want or need after having your baby is having this kid, who may or may not be your husband's son, all up in your shit. Wanting it to just be YOUR family is a totally normal feeling.
Agree. DO NOT let SD be part
Agree. DO NOT let SD be part of you giving birth! You are so right--I would always resent SD15's presence during such an emotional time
that is exactly why i was
that is exactly why i was livid when my friend promised her 8 year old that she could come to my ultrasound. i didnt even ask my friend to come, but here she is INFORMING me that i have to let her kid come because SHE made a promise on my behalf. i never informed her of any appts because of this boundaryless behavior. she seems to think that because she's been my best friend for 18 years that it's ok. well, it's not. when i get horrible news, i need to be alone for a while to absorb it. i sure hope you told dh that sd will never be there for anything like that again.
i've had 2 miscarriages and a stillbirth in only 3 years, so i completely understand the need for privacy. very few people even know i was pregnant the last 2 times because after the first one, i learned not to make the announcement right away.
Tell your stupid OH that when
Tell your stupid OH that when HE is the one going through that pain and pushing that baby out of his privates THAT is when HE can decide who will be in the room - YOUR BIRTH EXPERIENCE, YOUR CHOICE, he either respects that for you or stays the hell away.
I have 4 bio's and NONE of them were present when any of the others were born, it is NOT a "family" experience unless YOU want it to be.
The only people (apart from medical personnel) that should be there are YOU and OH. (and baby LOL)
I would go all emotional on him (lets face it, pregnant is one time when you can get away with it
) and say you don't know how you will handle the birth and really feel that you are going to need OH's support, and to feel relaxed and comfortable enough to just let go and scream or cry or whatever the heck your body tells you to do in that moment, and that you fear that with SS there you will not feel that way which will make your labour a lot harder than it should be if you were relaxed. Plus you don't want to traumatise the kid with his first view (we hope!!) of a vagina being a baby being born!!
I would never put a child of
I would never put a child of my through that experience. No matter how well prepared you may think they are it could still be traumatic for them. Now if I was a BM and a SM was having my 12 year old in the delivery room I'd be stopping that quick smart I'd think she'd lost her marbles. If I found out my ex was the one planning that little outing for my son and worse still insisting on it. I think he'd find himself back in court. Does this. child's mother know what dad is planning. I think she has an absolute right to know BEFORE the event.
You can always tell the
You can always tell the delivery room nurse that you do NOT want anyone but your husband present, or just specifically say the kid can't be there. Your nurse will usually help you out in those situations.
I don't know what's with
I don't know what's with these Dad's who seem to think they can't EVER say No or set aside their precious brats. Honestly it doesn't matter What the reason is. If a Wife occasionally asks a Husband for some intimate skid-free time, he should be trying to honor it because like it or not, he has a new family that won't always include his past. It's certainly NOT unreasonable to want the BIRTH of your first child to be an intimate and private new beginning. Birth is not of interest to a normal 12yr old boy AND even if it were, he wouldn't keel over to be told No. I'd suggest you stand your ground on that. You don't want the birth of your child marred by anger and watered down joy with this pimply face kid peering over your shoulder, standing in all of your pictures.
I could just see my husband trying this with his brat if he and I were to ever have a kid. That's why we're not ever having a kid together! Hell I was mad that he came to our Wedding when we didn't allow any other Kids there. And just as I warned, he ran his butt around pouting because he wasn't able to be in every single picture and all attention wasn't on him. He ruined several pictures making faces. And as I knew it, DH ran around behind him, holding up the cake cutting, pictures, etc because he was trying to cajole the little turd. I resent that to this day, 2 years later. I hope you stand your ground.
Oh thank you so much ladies,
Oh thank you so much ladies, I was hoping someone would understand.. And Mrs. Taylor,my heart goes out to you, God bless you for being so strong!
So last week the kid went to a water park and was horsing around with his friends on the slide, got kicked in the face, now is missing his 2 top front teeth, black eye, swollen nose, and a fkn duck lip. I can't even look at this kid now without wanting to throw up.. His father had allowed him to go to the park with his friends..friends father was "supervising". So now that this kid is injured, he is not going back to his mothers..hell, sounds like his dad isn't gonna make him go to school until he is "pretty" again. So that means that he is carting this kid around to appointments and spending the baby money on this shit( insurance here doesn't cover too much for dental). So when if I go into labor that kid is coming..
Now my Mom is coming on Monday, thank you baby Jesus, so I will probably stay with her in a hotel... but I am so sad that my boyfriend has no interest in sharing this time only with me and our unborn baby..I'm so sad that I feel I have to run to my mother for attention and comfort.And that sadness is brewing into anger, and I'm afraid of what will happen when that anger boils over..meaning will my baby feel all of my hate and anger and be affected by that?
So at this time I have decided that if my boyfriend doesn't make arrangements for his kid, then he will not be allowed at the birth of his child..oh well.
The country where we live don't even let men into the room during a birth, but are making an exception for me because I m American and demanded it..hehe, but just knowing that kid will be out in the waiting room is enough.
What the heck is wrong with my boyfriend, it's like that kid is his wife or something, he's been up his ass for 12 years already, and it will kill him to let go for a few days?
I hate having to be like this and think like this, but I will be getting baby's passport and American citizenship soon after she is born, and when the time comes for me to think about moving back to the USA, I might not give any consideration to what my boyfriend thinks! He can stay here, and stay being obsessed with that ugly duck lipped kid!
And just for the record, if I
And just for the record, if I already had another kid of my own, I wouldn't want them around before I went into labor, and i would still want alone time for me baby, and boyfriend...so it's not just a " I hate my boyfriends kid" type of thing..
No need to say that at all,
Stand your ground. I am sorry your boyfriend is being such a jerk.
Stay strong, and no matter who is in the room you will have a lovely experience if you decide to - you are about to meet your baby girl for the first time and that is special and precious, and you will not mar that with anger for her dad no matter how much you are feeling it now. I promise you
You know you are right now,
You know you are right now, and we all support you in that. What you want here is perfectly normal,unfortunately your boyfriend is not sensitive enough to realise that. So, now you just have to get on with this. Please do not allow this to mar the rest of your first pregnancy. This is the first and only time in your life you will have your FIRST pregnancy and your|FIRST baby, don't allow your boyfriend to take that away from you. At least you know you will definately not be having the child in the delivery room, and he will be outside in the waiting room only. That may not make you happy, but it may be the compromise you have to make if you choose to have your boyfriend with you. Or, if you don't want the boyfriend there now, good. YOUR labour your decision. You will have your mother with you so that's good, perhaps rather than doing this alone she can be with you. Whatever YOU want.
Take comfort in knowing you are absolutely normal, have a trouble free pregnancy, try to push out the bad thoughts from your mind over this, no one is worth this. Look forward to the birth of your child. I hope you have a happy, healthy, beautiful baby girl to love and that you enjoy every minute of this pregnancy from now on. Good Luck. Your right, he's wrong, enough said
Thanks again ladies, for
Thanks again ladies, for reminding me to keep my eye on the prize, and that is my little girl! Even though I won't have my idea of a "perfect birth expirience" I have to be thankfull for what I do have, and that is my Mom, who is flying here for us, and my baby girl who I need more than she will ever need me..
And this place is great to come vent..I posted my issue on another parenting site and was called a monster because I didn't want the kid around while I gave birth, and one lady said if she knew who I was she would punch me in my face for obviously not loving bf's kid the way I will my own.. I mean SERIOUSLY!
Amen Inactivist. I went to a
Amen Inactivist. I went to a Parenting board once before finding this Godsend of a place and No one understood. It was like they all hated Step Parents and loved all kids unconditionally. They thought I was horrible for not loving a random ass kid the same way I loved my own. (They don't love any other kid the same as they love their own either no matter what they tell themselves). But yeah, so grateful to have found this place! People understand.
No matter how much you may
No matter how much you may love your SK they have their own BM /BD and they were not carried in your womb or fed at your breast. You will always love your own differently. That's not to say you cannot love a step each case is different but the expectation to love them as your own is unrealistic. I would not be taking the advice of someone who thinks punching people in the face is an appropriate way to handle a difference of opinion too seriously.
No matter how much you may
No matter how much you may love your SK they have their own BM /BD and they were not carried in your womb or fed at your breast. You will always love your own differently. That's not to say you cannot love a step each case is different but the expectation to love them as your own is unrealistic. I would not be taking the advice of someone who thinks punching people in the face is an appropriate way to handle a difference of opinion too seriously.
I was just about to ask the
I was just about to ask the same question... Living in the Caribbean sounds like heaven!
That said, I don't have any children, and doubt I will, but HELLS NO would SD be there if I did. You are not being bratty at all.
Yes ladies, as I am bitching
Yes ladies, as I am bitching about my bf's kid, I am laying in a hamock underneath the shade of a palm tree, dipping my toe in the warm white sand with a frosty fruity drink by my side.....
NOT!!!
Haha, I live in Santo Domingo, big congested dirty city, tons of traffic, garbage, and no swimmable beaches! But the jobs are here, baby daddy is here, and I do get excellent medical care for almost nothing...Punta Cana is three hours away, and that place is paradise..
No change over here my friends, found out that bf is putting kid in school on our side of town instead of near mothers house, so kid will be here more often...I have a feeling that i will no longer be living in this house come December..something to look forward too...
Did I mention that my bf is in medical school to become a gynocologist? I wonder if he plans on subjecting his patients to his wonderful kid as well..hahahaha..I'm losing my mind..
and yes, those bitches on the
and yes, those bitches on the other site were killing me with their friggan Mother Theresa act! Yes, you can love your step kid, but no way in hell that love is even gonna come close to what you feel for your own! Really, who are those broads kidding?
Well maybe his patients will
Well maybe his patients will understand him bringing his son along to their births. Thank God there will never be any chance of Dr compassion and sensitivity being my gyno. Jokes aside you poor thing you really don't need this crap And if he treats his partner like this at this time maybe he should rethink his career choice he is not showing any respect for you or the birthing process. Idiot HIM not you
I was the same way. I wanted
I was the same way. I wanted it to be just me, DH and baby. I didn't want DH to call anyone during my labor, but he did actually talk to her twice. I wasn't very happy about that. Really? Why do I have to be reminded that you've done this before??
I was so mad when SD came to the hospital to meet DS and she said "he looks just like me!" NO HE DOESN"T!! Really. I went to the bathroom and cried. Stupid hormones!
I also didn't want her to come home with us on the first day. DH agreed to that thank goodness.