Am I a bad person?
Hello Everyone! I'm a new user here and I'm glad I found a place where everyone is just about in the same boat as me. So where do I begin? Hmm... Okay, well I'm 25 and my fiance has 5 kids (3 of which are living with us). Those 3 kids (ages 13,12,and 10) have the same mother but not with the other two that are not living with us (following me?). Okay, so they're a handful and I knew that from the start but they were not as bad as they were when they were younger. I knew my DF for 6 years, just to be clear. Now, SS13 is more of a problem than the others because he's into fighting, gangs, drugs and sex; in which I told the father all about (no reaction on that whatsoever btw). Consequently, SD12 & SS10 is following in those same footsteps and I'm afraid that one day when or if I have a child of my own, he/she will turn out just like them. Am I a bad person for wanting a different life for my own child? I love my fiance so very much and he has been like a king to me ever since we met. It's a shame that sometimes I want to just leave the relationship but I can't bring myself to it. The skids are okay once the oldest is out the house but when he's around, it's like a zoo! I secretly wishes he lives his mom (who has 4 other kids in Pennsylvania..err.. long story) so he could be out of our lives! Am I bad person for wishing away a child?
RUN, RUN as fast as you can!
RUN, RUN as fast as you can! These kids sound like my SD13. My SD has Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Here is a link to symptoms: http://www.radkid.org/signs_and_symptoms.html It is basically a control thing...they won't follow rules, they try to raise themselves, they have no empathy, they get into trouble, they are attention seekers...even negative attention. They often develop this after some sort of abandonment or by not having their needs met early in life.
Here is where I am at: My SD started physically and emotionally harming my bios...even as young as 1 year old (and she tried to shake one even younger). I am now at the point where I absolutely WILL NOT allow this child around my kids. She was hurting them! Even if the RAD does not hurt your kids...the tension in the home, seeing the horrible behaviors from their siblings, etc WILL hurt your kids. Being raised with a RAD is likely one of the absolute worst things for a child to be exposed to. It isn't healthy at all. My 4 year old BD was having constant accidents...two days after RAD went to live with my inlaws, she quit having accidents altogether...that is proof in itself that she was in a bad situation.
Also, the other kids will likely be just as bad as the oldest once they really hit puberty. 12/13 is when my SD went from tolerable to downright horrible.
RUN! Do not raise children in that situation. Do not put yourself in that situation. My health started to go downhill when I was living in that utter chaos.