I do think some people have "exit affairs", BUT, be advised, if he gets unhappy with you, he may do the same thing. It indicates he's unable to end a relationship in a mature way.

I don't think that all cheaters cheat.. but 2 years is a long time to be comitted to something you know isn't right.. and a long time to continue in a relationship that isn't right for you.

So is an exit affair better than having a mistress with no intention to leave? 

I don't respect people who have affairs in marriage. If you are still dating and cheat or jump staight to another person it's sh*tty but it's still dating, dating is messy but you didn't stand up and literally make a promise to the other person to be faithful. 

BM cheated on my DH repeatedly. He dated once they separated but before they got divorced. BM had the audacity to accuse him of living a double life when both he and she were dating other people while separated. I think there are a lot of spouses out there who don't realize their spouse is dating someone and telling them they're separated. Those are the "exit affairs" people are just shopping for the next person before they inform their spouse that they've actually been over and separated for months/years... They just didn't tell them.

I cheated on one of my BFs in college, he was a crappy boyfriend and I was young and dumb. I've never done it since so I don't think cheaters are cheats for life. However see what I wrote above about dating vs marriage. If your DH broke his vows the first time, then maybe he doesn't take them seriously. 

A good way to judge someone's character is to take notice to how often they lie and why they lie. 

I am not a cheater, it isn't in my nature.  But at the end of my first marriage I was beaten down, emotionally by my abusive exH, and needed to somehow build myself back up so that I could leave.  The way I did it was to start seeing other people.  I make no apology for it, in my mind I had already left, but was not yet capable of physically doing so. My ExH, by his behaviour, had forfeited all right to my loyalty and faithfulness.  I feel no guilt for my "affairs" and would not go back and do it any different.  So yes, I do think that someone can have an "exit affair" and otherwise be a generally faithful person.  In my relationship with my DH, I have never looked at another man, for the past 18 yrs. 

ex boyfriend that cheated because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. Yes cowardly, but I believe him as to the reason. OF course it hurt even more, but I always remember the convo when people talk about affairs.

I guess I give people the benefit of the doubt. I don't think in general people don't go into an affair on purpose to hurt the other person but mabye I'm just naive. 

I think if the cheater does the hard work of figuring out WHY he (or she) cheated and makes fundamental changes, then the cheating isn't likely to repeat.

But if the tendency to check out of a relationship is there during hard times, then cheating becomes a way of coping. Or, some people like the thrill of the chase so much that it becomes an addiction. But again, they have to do the hard work of figuring that out and changing their behavior.

So what has your BF done to better understand his own behavior? Or is he content to just move past the affair and make promises to you? You're right to be concerned. What do YOU need to feel secure in his loyalty? Are there behaviors NOW that indicate he has a wandering eye? (Flirting, secret texting, ignoring you when other women are around, etc.?)

I think this depends on the relationship. A cheater cheats when they feel they are not getting the emotional fullfilment OR physical attention. Not saying its right, and I myself have not cheated. Its just how i see it.

My husband may be cheating on me. Emotionally at least. With his ex wife. I am in the process of finding out. The 22 year old daughter has always tried to push them together and phase me out. As a result I have become cold to my husband and my husband has been distant. So we are not emotionally or physically connected. As I have read on here it is a DH (dumb husband or dear husband?) problem. This step situation is very very hard.

As others have noted there are many reasons people cheat.  In my mind some are forgivable and understandable.  The important thing is if the "cheater" understands the behavior or feelings that took them down this path and does what it takes to change for the better.  I very much dislike this idea that once a person has sinned so to speak they will always repeat the behavior.  People are capable of change.

OP are you worried that your SO is going to cheat on you or are you seeing signs of cheating?
Personally I would not cheat on my DH I love and respect him too much to do that to him.
My ex and I did cheat on one another. Mine was a one night thing before we were ever married and his was through out the whole relationship. But that was because we did not love or respect one another.
If you are feeling insecure in your relationship there might be a reason for it.

When I was single, I dated this man.  He was a medical doctor.  A family physician.  We dated for a couple of months.  He had an ex (whom he was never married to), but he was with her for years and years...10 years I think.  Anyhoo.  She couldn't get pregnant and they did IVF.  While he was still with his ex, and while his baby was still very small, he carried on a year long affair with a work colleague.  This co-worker was married at the time.  So..the ex finds out about the cheating and they separate.  The married mistress is still with her husband.

So, we were dating a couple of months...I was starting to become invested in this guy when he admits to the telling of the story of the cheating (see above).  It took me a few weeks to process this.  I had all of  those same questions...Once a cheater always a cheater?  The whole scenario also made me question his moral character in a very serious way.  

I did some online sleuthing and I was almost sure that I figured out who this woman was (although not 100%).  I could see that he was still "connected" to her on facebook and she still "liked" his posts on instagram.  

Then we had a long conversation about the situation and he assured me that he had no contact with her and that he would never cheat again and blah blah blah.

It took me...maybe another week...to decide to end it with him.  He did nothing to me directly.  I don't believe he cheated on me.  For me, what I couldn't get past was putting myself in his ex's position.  How would I feel if I was her?  I too had gone through IVF (failed cycles) and the toll it took on my mind and body.  I also had zero support during that time.  He did an awful, awful thing to her.  Even if he didn't love her, he should have ended it.  I think he continued with that relationship in order to have a child with her because he really wanted a child.

I JUST COULDN'T GET PAST IT.  

If you're here and questioning a man who has carried on a long term affair with someone else, that man is capable of carrying on a long term affair with someone else.  Once they cheat, they rationalize it immediately in order to allow them to keep doing it.

Move on.  I did.  I'm now with an AMAZING man who has never cheated (that I know of), but he has proven his character to me over and over.  I have no doubts with him.  Find someone you can be with who doesn't make you doubt him.  

Hopefully he doesn't do the same to you once the honeymoon period wears off and he becomes bored and unhappy.