Advice please x
Forums:
I have 2 step children and one 2 year old of my own (their half brother). My step son aged 13 told me this weekend he doesn’t like me. This was a civilised talk after us once again having a difficult situation. I find this sad as I have tried over the 7 years of knowing him but I respect his feelings. I’m just a bit funny with him around my son for obvious reasons s. He told me last year he wished he was never born. The natural mummy in me of course will not want him near him but that’s not sustainable. Any advice?
He doesnt like you because???
He doesnt like you because???????
Because
He just said our personalities and ways of thinking clash. Personally I think he only cares about seeing and getting attention from his dad which I do get. He didn’t ask for me to be in his life. It’s just hard to create a happy environment knowing how he feels. He turned on me ever since I had my one. Which is obviously jealousy
Not unheard of for kids to say
They hate their parents.
I know
I know that but it’s been a complicated few years with him since I had my baby. He never said hate he said he just didn’t like.
13 year olds
13 year olds don't like anyone or anything fpr more than an hour at a time. It is their job to be horrible acne-ridden creatures who smell terrible and throw temper tantrums.
Ha ha
very true ha ha just very hard when they are not your children and they come into your home and say they don’t like you and they want to be near my child. Naturally I’m a bit apprehensive
Without a doubt.
Without a doubt. People don't like their own teenagers. Expecting you to like someone else's teenagers is like requiring you to join their religion in order for you to marry them. Sure, you can outwardly fake it but you are never going to really feel it and there is always going to be some resentment that you have to go through the motions.
Well...first I guess I’m a
Well...first I guess I’m a little impressed that he was able to have this conversation civilly and not in anger...but I’m confused about the purpose of it? Is he expecting something to change?
I also don’t get it when adults say about CODs/stepparents: “Well. I get why he’s rude to me. He didn’t ask to have me in his life.”
As if that’s some kind of blanket justification for all kinds of horrible behavior. That statement literally makes no sense.
Did the kid ASK for those two people to be his parents? Do we expect kindness and respect anyway or do we say: “Well. I mean...it’s not like he asked to be born into this family...”
Did the kid ASK to have a sibling? Do we expect kindness anyway? What about neighbors, teachers, aunts, uncles, grandparents, scout leaders, camp counselors...etc. Did the kid ASK for any of these people in his life? Do we expect him to be kind and respectful to them?
The sooner we retire any version of: “Well, the kids never ASKED for a stepmom, you know!” from our vocabulary the better...in my opinion.
I read somewhere that kids who have suffered
PAS will give the most stupid reasons for their behaviour or why they don’t want to spend time with you.... is bm doing this?
I’m not sure
BM is quite pro us getting on from the outside as it means she has to do less. He is happy to get one when he is being given something. It’s odd he comes across so friendly but u can see the nastiness and jealousy in his face