Both me and my current husband have two children from prior relationships and we now have a child together. In the beginning, his two sons lived with their moms and my children lived with me. His sons would visit every summer, because they live out of state. The first summer they came was the start of the trouble. Take note that he has two sons from two different mothers, but the only issue we have is with his oldest son. For instance, his sons BM would call my husband throughout the year, telling him about numerous behavior issues she was having with SS - stealing money, threatening to burn down the house, leaving the house alone at night (at 8 years old!) and getting in trouble at school. The strange thing is, when he was in our home, we didn't see this extreme behavior, which I think is due to the firm rules in our home. We did have some misbehavior from him, but only in small doses. The problem came when, for instance, on one occassion, after SS and my other two kids had done something inappropriate, I had SS (maybe about 4yr. at the time) as well as my kids, in the time out corner when DH came home from work. DH asked me why he was in the corner and I told him why. DH then tells SS to get out of the corner and go watch TV. At this point I felt powerless to discipline SS and told DH that I would no longer watch his son during the day and that he would have to find some other place for him to go during the day.

A second instance is when my daughter was missing her allowance money that she had been saving in her room. A week later when I went to clean up SS room, I found a pile of money under his bed in the drawer. I didn't directly say that SS stole the money, but when I showed DH the money and told him where I found it, DH told me that maybe someone gave SS the money, and why am I always blaming him for stuff. There are numerous other occassions when DH sticks up for and makes excuses for SS and as a result, I have had a tendency of keeping my mouth shut and not saying anything except to my own kids. But I feel resentment because of this because I don't feel that I should have to walk on eggshells around a child in my own home.

Now flash forward to present day. SS is now living with us b/c he was failing school, and even got in trouble with the law for breaking in someone's home and stealing a bike. Since he's been living with us, he has cheated on tests, altered teacher's notes and forged my signature on school papers that he didn't want us to see. And he failed this school year as well. I have been to the principal's office more times in the six months he has been with us than I ever had. I was even called to the school afterschool b/c SS had punched a boy in the mouth and the police were called. Despite this type of behavior, my husband continues to buy him new clothes, shoes, toys, allows him to participate in extracurricular activities. We get into fights and DH won't talk to me for days if I even mention some of the unfair things he does or says he shows favoritism towards SS when compared with the child we share together. When SS first moved in, my husband went shopping every week for new clothes and shoes for SS even though SS already had a closet full of clothes. When I mentioned to him that he was spending 100 every check on SS and nothing on our child, he says, "well, i just want to make him comfortable." REALLY.

I don't think that anything SS has done is terrible or out of the ordinary for any child with behavior issues. And I have never had these feelings or problems with my other SS or SD. I think that my DH's behavior over the years has caused me to disengage. It may sound bad, but I really wish that my SS would go back and live with his mother. I used to dread the summers when SS came to visit b/c of the change in my relationship with DH. And now that he's living with us, it's like a never ending summer of battles between me and DH. Any advice or tips are appreciated.