AD14 is a lazy pig /my partner is lazy /no one respects me or gives a crap
HELPP!!!!!
I am 30 yrs old. my partner is 33. we are a lesbian couple together now 3 years. just bought and remodeled a house. My partner has 2 girls. 8 and 14... my SD14 is a defiant, lazy slob. I cant believe the way she lives. I cant stand how self centered she is and how much she just doesnt care. She eats in her room on the 3000$ carpet we just installed and shoves old food and warppers and used tampon wrappers under her bed. Ill find wrappers in the couch cushions because she is too lazy to walk 6 ft and throw them away. A tampon in the front yard she obviously threw out the window because she was too lazy to walk 10 feet to the garbage. Im disgusted with her and her lack of respect for the countless hours and tens of thousands of dollars we just spent rennovating our new home. You ask her to do the dishes and clean up and she ignores you pretending she forgot until the 15th time. She feels entitled to everything.
A huge problem is that my partner is a lazy person too..
Ive got a pile of clean clothes on our bedroom floor she promised to put away 3 weeks ago... they are still there.. cups and wrappers on her side of the bed. She will even sit there while i clean and sit on her phone or watch tv. no offer to help.
Actually no on eoffers to help. The only time she cleans is if she gets a hair up her ass. she isnt consistant about her message to them. Sometimes she yells and gets her to do stuff and is on her ass about it... sometimes she ignores it.She doenst keep the same thing going to develop a habit with them. Even worse if she is irked at me she will let the kids to whatever and get pissed at me for nagging the kids to pick up after themselves. Dont get pissed at me, get pissed at their lazy asses, or better yet be an effin mom and handle shit! The kids dont respect me because if mom doesnt agree with what im saying, she will yell at me in front of the kids, so now they know that they dont have to listen to me, mom doesnt respect her why should i!
Last night I was addressing the SD14 and My partner got mad at me because i swore.. istold her that her having food in her room and leaving it like that feels like a big fuck you to me.. my partner yelled at me for swearing right in front of the kidss (like she doesnt swear) i got up and said i thought we werent going to swear in front of the kids this is why they dont disrespect me and when downstairs.
I do the laundry, i stopped doing it for the 14 yr old because she is old enough to do it herself. she has piles of dirty and clean mixed together. she must wear the dirtys. off her floor.
i also cook every night almost and I work 55 hours a week, i dont expect to clean up after dinner. but i have to beg people to do it, My partner (mom) doesnt help often. It is like they are all comfortable with plates sitting on the couch for two days or old milk in a glass. i cant stand it, i want my home clean, at least picked up!!!!!!
No one in th ehouse respects that this is important to me or that we just worked our asses off on this house and now were going to trash it???
Im so annoyed and scared that this will never stop. i have to change something, i resent the hell out of the 14 yr old and my partner more and more. She wants to marry but im thinking jesus, and live like this forever. dont get me wrong i love the hell outta her but im going nuts. HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is correct. It will
This is correct. It will never change and it will only get worse. You really need to think hard about whether this is how you want to live the rest of your life.
There has got to be a why to
There has got to be a why to get my partner to wake the eff up! To realize ther eis more to running a home than this. The kids are this way because of her. She pretends to want a nice home but is too lazy to keep it up.. Other than this our relationship is great. We have great chemistry and future goals together. She bought this house assuming id be there. She cant afford it alone.. the little one SD8 is a sweatheart. Im attached to her and to my partner... Im ready to stop cooking, and stop doing laundry in protest. I dont want to help with the kids at all.. I cant statnd it! Its hard not to tell them to do their homework, i dont want their lives falling down the drain.. Ugh I feel like a nagging maid! I hate this.
I'm sorry for what you are
I'm sorry for what you are going through. It is hard being the one picking up the slack all of the time. Your going to have to ask yourself serious questions here. As in how long are you willing to live like this, is change possible, are things improving or becoming worse, & so on.
From the sound of it, I see it going downhill for you. My husband went through that with his first wife, divorced years ago, & this lady is still the same. Her daughter has been sent home from school because she smelled so bad more then once.
I have tried so hard with my step daughter & getting her to care about hygiene but its a learned behavior. Doubt it will ever change & if it does, it will have to start with her mother. Her dad (my current husband) cares but the issues continue due to the lack of care from the other parent where that is concerned.
Believe me... ive really been
Believe me... ive really been thinking about this and is this what i want...
SD14 definitely cares about her imgae.. in fact SD14 that is all she cares about. Ill find her straightening her hair or putting on eye liner when she is supposed to be doing dishes or homework. My partner has the dellusion that all is grand and i want to marry and stay like this forever. id marry her if this wasnt an issue. She doesnt see it as an issue. I think my partner wants a clean home, but is too lazy or absorbed into whats happenign on facebook to address it. Weve had other issues and ultimatums were the only thing that broke it... i hate having to give an ultimatum to get someone to give a shit about what i need. I also feel like id be screwing her over, afte rbuying this house with the assumption id be there, she cant float the family on her own. I make alot more money than her... id feel terrible. ;? are there any creative last ditch ideas to inspire change? i thought us dumping money into this home and working so hard on it would make change.. but it hasnt.
This will never change...I
This will never change...I couldn't live like that. Sorry, but my house is spotless and things have a place. SD does it because mom does. She doesn't know any better.
Got this idea from another
Got this idea from another post..hire a house cleaner. Let your partner know that you are hiring cleaner because you can't do it all yourself. 2/3 of the cost of the cleaner will be your partners responsibility to pay as you have to get the cleaner to take care her and her daughters messes. It can also be presented as it is an investment in the house improvements. Because truthfully, if the house is not taken care of all of the renovations will be for nothing.
Well.. I thought about only
Well.. I thought about only doing my portion. If i dont cook... what will they eat? but i dont want to pay for going out.. If i dont do laundry she eventually will have to. but i have to deal with the mess. if i hire a maid.. we share bank accounts so... ill be paying most. I think ive enabled them too much. My Partner just purchased a home. she owns it..and has some grand ideas for expansion with her tax return, but cant afford the mortgage on her own. in fact she was freaking out about buying it and of course i reassured her i wouldnt leave her and it would be ok... Now im the asshole if i leave, especially because she has major abandonment issues.
It isnt what I want for my life. I want her to snap out of it.. Its scary to think that may not happen. i really just want mom to saddle up and get with it.
>It isnt what I want for my
>It isnt what I want for my life. I want her to snap out of it.. Its scary to think that may not happen. i really just want mom to saddle up and get with it.>
Have you told her this? Might be a really good place to start.
Good luck!
put Both my step kids out
Finally found a place to vent and share my experiences. I raised my wife’s kids one boy at months who is now 20years old and a girl who was 4 years old. I put my wife’s son out the house today for being super nasty. Room smells like death. Eats food in room and leaves can’t rappers and food on floor. Plays video games and sleeps all day. I just snapped and told him to get out my house and of course my wife turned on me. As for her daughter who I raised from 4 years who is now 24 was super sorry and lazy and nasty. She was grown and left without telling us anything. I am so glad they are both gone. They both take after their Dad and I wish I would of got out of relationship way earlier. I saw the signs Midway. I will
never put myself in that situation ever again. To all of you I feel your pain. Get out if you can because it will get worse and worse. It’s has completely drained me mentally. As for my wife I’m ready to move on. She always complaining about them but when I lay the rules now im wrong. I’m ready to just start my life over. Divorce is coming. What’s sad is I can’t get those years back.
One thing that ALL couples
One thing that ALL couples need to know is that love is NOT enough.
You have a partner problem more than a SD problem. She is only showing learned behavior. While your partner might not stuff dirty tampons in the bed- she has learned to be a slob somewhere. If she was raised from her early years to respect her home, her belongings- if she was forced to clean her room nightly before bed (That is what I have always done in my house. 15 mins before bed is cleaning room time and my kids are 12/14 they don't have to be told, it is just routine). None of this would be an issue if she was properly parented.
I will say the attitude is part of the age. It doesn't matter if they are boys or girls- 12-16 is just hormones. Crazy crazy hormones.
As for what you should do- Try chore charts. Include EVERYONE in your family including your partner and yourself. Work as a team. If not living in filth is important to you and she isn't willing to at least try to not live like that, then you know what your feelings matter.