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5 months Pregnant and SD5 driving me insane!

jaakaa's picture

I just found this website and thought maybe it could help me.. I got married to my husband 2 months before his daughter was born... they broke up and she didn't know she was pregnant until 5 months.. but he absolutely wouldn't have stayed with her regardless. Anyway.. so I've known this little girl her whole life and for the most part she has been okay. Her mom is a drug addict and seriously doesn't care about raising her daughter. She feeds her brownies and cereal for dinner on a regular basis. She is just now 5 years old and still doesn't understand how to wipe her own butt or when she should go potty.. (not even in the morning when it is the most obvious). We would get her like a normal custody arrangement 1st 3rd and 5th friday - sunday of the month.. but here during the summer my husband decided he needed to be more involved so he asked to get her for alittle over a month. He mainly wanted to do this so he could teach her how to properly use the restroom. Well.. during this month I've been the one working with her on the restroom. When I ask him to do it.. he's like "she's a girl!" but excuse me man.. this was all your idea. I'm the one who feeds her every single thing she eats (him too). I'm the one who gives her a bath every night. When she does something bad.. I will get on to her and she will stop but then she will eventually do it again. When I motion to him that she is doing something bad.. what does he do? He says "what did SM tell you about doing that?" I don't know how I magically became the scapegoat parent but I'm pretty fed up with it. He just wants to be her pal and if I bitch too much about something she is doing.. his response is always.. "she's a child!" or "she 5 years old!" I'm 5 months pregnant right now and truly can't wait for my own baby but when I get irritated by shit my SD does he makes comments like.. "if you can't handle a 5 year old.. how are you going to handle a baby?" Anyway.. I'm tired of bitching at her.. everything she does is starting to irritate me now and I'm counting the days till she will go back home and then dreading the upcoming weekends we'll have her again.. which I never really use to dread. I think a little part of me always kind of hated her just because she is her mother's child but now a really big part of me hates her because of who she is. I just don't know what to do when my husband accuses me of the eventual overly strict & controlling parent I will be to my own child. I've asked to reverse to roles and pretend it was I who has a 5 year old by another man and how he'd feel about that. He tells me shit like "I'd love that child just the same because it would be apart of you!" I'm calling bullshit on that because everytime I see this little girl I see her mother and my husband molded together and it breaks my heart that I will never have a normal family.

jaakaa's picture

that's what I want to do but I don't know how to convince him to do anything.. he's the kind of man who believes women are in charge of children and men bring home the money. here lately he hasn't been making nearly as much money or working nearly as many hours.. he sits on his computer game as I wash dishes 2 times a day and entertain his daughter. and she is completely disrespectful to me but not to him... like sometimes she'll just rudely say "Give me xxx!" or I'll tell her what something is or called and then she'll say "It's not that.. it's a blah blah blah" (Just describing what ever it is) I find this incredibly irritating. If I tell her something she did is wrong she'll be like "ya, but -" and have some excuse for it. She thinks she is right and that's all there is to it. I honestly feel like her mother told her she doesn't have to listen to me. Everything I say is in one ear and out the other. My husband refuses to believe that maybe somebody did tell her I don't matter. And why wouldn't the BM do this? Because honestly if I was in her shoes I probably would.. she probably thinks that if I hadn't come along she would still be with my husband.

jaakaa's picture

I'm going to my OBGYN today so I've been considering telling my husband the doctor advised I do as you suggested.. it would probably be the only way he'd actually step up. Thx for your help.. my sister-in-law advised me a few days ago that I should just let her do whatever she wants since she will be leaving in a few weeks anyway.. but problem is when she does whatever she wants I bottle up how irritated that makes me and it makes me want to explode!

jaakaa's picture

LOL ty so much that is completely bullshit, right? i get that comment alot too here recently so that's why I've been bottling up my emotions alot lately.. it breaks my heart to hear such things.. and my sister-in-law has told me things like I will have to show the same level of love to my baby and to my SD.. she is step-child less so she doesn't understand that the love is really just not there... when I show love it's basically all fake.. but as for my baby.. it's not even born yet and I love it soooooooo much.

jaakaa's picture

You are completely right about the resentment.. I feel like that is what's happening. I feel burdened that I do all these things for her and this was my husband's idea in the first place... but as far as foster parents and whatnot that could never happen. My husband would soon take her from her mom and continue to burden me with her than see that happen.. and I really don't think BM would give her up anyway because she is getting a hefty amount of child support from him. Shoot without it I KNOW she wouldn't be able to pay her bills. It doesn't make sense to me that he pays the same amount of c support now as he did when she was a baby and babies have alot more needs.