Hey you lovely humans, I stumbled across this forum while searching for assistance on how to mentally cope with my partners adult stepdaughter 21 and 15 years old right before the holidays.

A little background**** I have known them for 5 going on 6 years, lived with the youngest the last 2 years. Where to I begin, I am 30 years old and my partner is 43, I do not have any children of my own, I work full time. When I came into the picture, he was single and working full time, he and his girls I guess had a program they had daily, of course they lived together they spent time with him and everything was fine, bio mom was re married and moved on. When I came along I was seen as more of a threat, I took their time away as a family and I suppose that is the main reason they resent me and I do not blame them HOWEVER I made it very clear to him before we dated that he needs to make time for me as a boyfriend, I was ok with him spending time with his daughters and being a dad that was not a problem, but the girls started hating me more and more because I feel I was in a position they wanted to be in, loving and being spoiled with attention. Fast forward the oldest once she turned 18 left the house, I gave her my bachelor apartment and I moved in with their dad with his youngest daughter.

I do not get it, I get they have mommy issues, their mother raised them as a single parent and their dad moved away and only communicated with them via phone. The mother seemed to always be in control of the situation when it came to his daughters, EVEN after she got pregnant by someone else, she still managed to get their dad to take care of the extra child as if they came in a package and manipulated his bio daughters beautifully to believe he has to care for all of HER children or none at all. He fell for this trick for years, I believe just to satisfy his bio daughters he did it, he wanted everyonoe to be happy and he would turn the other cheek, no money was ever given he just worked 2 jobs to make ends meet while bio mom was happy somewhere else kid free. Anywho, I come in and I do not have a grudge against the extra kid, she was very sweet but I told the dad to make proper arrangements with legal paperwork, since he basically is raising the bio moms extra child he should adopt the little girl, mom was receiving benefits and screwed over the bio dad for years with this plan, once he stood his ground and demanded her to be a better parent or give up parental rights she took the little girl away to a city 3 hours away and cut communication with his daughtesrs, this has been going on the last 3 years. The oldest left to the army and is located in town with my apartment I gave her and the youngest daughter is living with us, we have rules established and things go pretty ok, just ok. I have bumped heads with her several times and I like the quote to treat stepchildren like cats, you cannot force yourself onto them they will eventually come to you, just be patient and be kind.

They have belittled me when I am around the dad, we all 4 are never together and if we are I know I am in for a ride, they always bring up the wonderful mother they have and praise her infront of anyone when I am around. My partner has always stood by my side and defends me when it comes to his obnoxious rude daughters, which I am very thankful for but for some reason it does not alleviate the sort of sadness of not being able to control the feelings of his daughters, not so much control per se just to show them that I am a good person to them and their father, I mean no harm. The bio mom, his ex wife has been MIA the last 3 years excluding his daughters from her life, she left to a town 3 hours away and has begun a new life away from her daughters cold turkey, no phone calls no texts no nothing especially with the 15 year old, I live with this 15 year old young lady who has an attitude for days, I am a very sensitive person but also a very strong willed one, both of his daughters are "trying" to act like lionesses and always seem to bully me when they come together. For instance, for fathers day they made their dad a blanket with their moms sonogram blown into a huge blanket and laid it on our bed to show it to both of us, I was livid, the bio moms name was huge with her married last name, my partners last name, thinking of this just bothers me because they are old enough to know better than to give their dad a gift that would hurt me so. I acted like I did not care and I have acted in such a way only recently while I cry in my room without anyone seeing me. My partner tries to comfort me but I know those girls are traumatized. They have been verbally and emotionally abused their entire life through bio mom, I know parents are not perfect but I have never spoken wrong of her to his daughters, never disrespected her presence and his children seem to hate that I am not on their level of pettiness. Please help, tomorrow I get to interact with all 3 of the daughters, his 2 bio adultish kids and the 12 year old daughter from his ex wife, not related to him. They are all currently at the oldests house (my old apartment) and we will all be meeting at their grandmothers house, my partners mother, for dinner and gift exchange. Days ago I took the 15 year old shopping for her christmas gifts and the next day she tells me that her bio mom calls me very disrespectful names infront of the 12 year old which tells his daughters who told me. I held my anger in because I treat the 15 year old like my daughter or try to since she only interacts with me when it is convenient for her. I called my partner and told him the situation, I treat her to shopping, feed her and have a good time with her and in turn the next day she tells me that her mom talks shit on me, calls me ugly etc.. I need help, I have my first therapy session in Feb 2021, i hope tomorrow is easy breazy, I am mortified when it comes to his girls coming together and I under the same roof, I have little spies looking at my every move to go tell the bio mom how we live. I feel like I cannot shake them off, I try to ignore but I am so worried about what they think which is so sad. Im reading what I am typing and it makes me mad, I do not want to leave my amazing partner, he does defend me and has never made me feel like I do not matter, I think that is what makes them hate me, but probably do not even waste 1 second on me. That is the mentality I need to think like, please any help or suggestions. Thank you step parents you guys rock and do not give up!!!!!!!