11yr old step, spoiled to the brim
i met my wife 7yrs ago. she was just coming out of a divorce with an older husband. her son at the time was about 5. we dated, we all had fun, interacted.. 2.5yrs in or so i proposed, 1.5yrs later we were married and pregnant.
my stepsons father.. early 40's, still relies on his mother alot. very career driven guy, gma take the kid to school. gpa dont drive so he's shuttled around by gma. dad gets his house cleaned and all that hoopla by bio gma.. dad and son little do nothing at dad's house and its all done for them..
my wife and i are both mid/late 30's. when wife and i married we also bought a home. we wound up having twins at the end of the year.. we bought a cape code. stepson has the full upper + half bath, me n wife and twins downstairs. my stepson is smart, excellent grades in school. but lazy.. lazy beyond lazy.. i feel he's disassociated himself from us aswell being upstairs. we have a quick rotation with his dad, 2/2/3. pretty much mon tues / wed thurs / fri sat sun, and the opposite next week. he comes to our place, drops his bag downstairs and jacket, and heads upstairs. you wont see him again unless you call him down..
my wife does some discipline, he knows how to work the game. she threatened to take his laptop away so rather then bring it by us to use it he just keeps it at his dads house. he puts on the "hey how was your day" charade when he wants something. she doesnt like it when i threaten discipline. not because i ended it, but because she knows her son will tell his dad *and probably leave something out like all 11yr old do*, then dad calls and asks her and she dont know, makes her feel inadequate or belittled *not sure why*, so then she jumps down my throat..
there have been alot of times i take an item of concern to her after him and i have been through it, and she jumps down his throat about
disrespecting me as his step-parent.. nothing changes..
he's smart.. he knows when to pull out his aces. years back he was more open to doing something, now, if he doesnt have interest in it, not tv or his show.. your talking to a wall.. electronics have killed these kids.. reverse psychology on him, bust.. "yeah, i dont wanna do that"..
my wife and i have twins, 4yrs old. they love playing with him.. he entertains them for a few minutes then its off to his recluse upstairs.. we are pretty strict with them. im not going to let them treat me the way he does.. i often say being a step parent prepped me for being a parent.. nip that shit in the bud
im lost as hell with this.. i feel like its only going to get worse and i get irritated at everything because of it.. thanks for listening..
"Is your SS's dad likely to
"Is your SS's dad likely to cause trouble if she disciplines him, or is that her excuse? Something has to give, but it can't be you parenting him. That's what my DH did with his ex's two older kids, who came to resent him and played him and his ex off each other to get what they wanted."
my wife and her ex talk briefly every day, usually SS calls the opposite parent each night to talk about the day and if the parents need to discuss something they do.. So if SS did something she'll explain it to the ex she'll tell him the punishment. THere have been times where he's swayed her to do something different then what she wanted, that irritated me.. she will discipline SS but there are also alot of discipline threats that never go through. She threaten him that if he didnt spend more time as a family, cause he's always upstairs, she'd move his room downstairs.. Yeah, it's still not happened. she doesnt like to be the "mean parent", we are much stricter here then the ex is..
The rut he is in is your
The rut he is in is your wife's fault, not his. You say he is lazy, but it sounds like his mom is as well. Remove from his room what draws him to it. How hard is that? This sounds SO much like my exbf's situation. He is still enmeshed with his own mom and has made a buddy out of his son13. And nothing the bm does is EVER good, even when it is... But all you can control is what happens in your house. Personally, I think the boy is depressed. You might see it as being manipulative, but he doesn't seem engaged in life or excited about anything. What sports does he play? What extra-curricular activities does he participate in? What does he do besides school and come home?