Im going to end up in jail - if she continues........
I am so damn angry right now. BM has really stepped over the boundaries of what a good mom is completely.
SD was at a go-cart racetrack amusement park with her aunt (husband's sister and kids) on Saturday. A stranger told SD she was beautiful and asked that she must look just like her mom. SD then says no i look just like my dad (which she does) and then replies well my mommi says my daddi and Gr8tma are mean so they are going to have to go to court and fight over me.
SD's auntie says she asked her again later what she was talking about.... AND sd told her.... "My mommi said that her and daddi have to go to court and fight for me." She then later tells her about how her mommi helps her write her feelings down in a diary about how she feels about her daddi and Gr8tma for court.
My SD is 6 years old. Why in the heck would her mother do this to her? Why would you emotionally abuse and lie to you own child? It is crazy. I am so angry right now. I am to my boiling point. I can no longer sit back as a mom and not say something to her about her treating SD this way. I can not fathom why BM is going to this lenght. I am hurting for my sd i can not imagine what else or how else her mother is making her feel because my DH and i got married. She already had done things because he got visitation now she had really stepped over the line - because he got married.
She filed the court case against us to take joint custody away from DH, stop visitation and get more child support. Just a little background if you have not read my blog......
These are BMs actions over the last 6 years .....
- after joint custody was awarded - she submitted letter to daycare banning DH and his mother from seeing child or picking child up. (was overturned by court order 2 weeks later)
- sent letters telling DH not to bath child - DH has to get a doctor's note due to fear of washing her and BM acting an azz.....
- BM changed daycares 3 times cause they continued to allow DH to see daughter instead of allowing her to ban him. Court states he can visit with child there and pick up child there.
- BM would not sent medications with child on several occaisions.
- BM filed false protective order against DH stating he tried to kill her and SD because new court order gave him more than 1 week visitation in the summer time. It was overturned.
- BM refuses to follow 2008 court order and meet at the proper location for exchanges and shows up late (2 - 3 hours late sometimes)
- BM lied to court about her income - and admitted to it online in an email to DH.
- Has sent several emails threatning to make DHs life miserable for taking her to court and getting visitation and meeting 1/2 way.
- BM has told doctor several lies about conditions to try and make it seem like we were neglecting child. (We got the doctors notes.)
- BM took child to counselor and on the intake form writes - we abuse the child, scare her, she hides clothes to not come to our house, she has nightmares because we tried to kill her in her sleep, she is afraid of me and I abuse her. Counselor got to the bottom of things. Told us to hire a lawyer and GAL because BM was actively trying to alienate SD from us. BM even admitted during one of the session she was doing this becuase she did not want to drive to VA to exchange the child.
- BM filed an affadavit in January - before the counselor finished her sessions or report - that the counselor recommended the child not come to our home anymore. She put in the affadavit - We leave the child in un-known locations, she is afraid and anxious while here, I abuse the child, DHs other family member's abuse the child, we over-medicate her, He screams at BM in front of child, DH constantly changes locations and pickups of the child, and our home and is un-stable environment for the child. All because DH would not cut his christmas visit short for her to attend cheerleading camp - which was a lie - it did not start until the next week. We called the cheerleading coach and found BM had lied about a lot with that. DH missed 3 visits during August and September last year - for no reason - SD was not even cheering then.
- Now we find out she has continued to tell SD that everyone in DHs family does not love her and that we are mean to her.... she has her writing it in a diary - Of course BM is "writing" down her feelings since SD can not write complicated sentences yet.
Plus many more things - like scheduling things on his weekends, telling him birthday parties are more important than his visits, lying about medications and illnesses.......... and the like.
So since she filed the court case which will occur on 14 July - we filed a counter motion for custody - SD should not have to endure this abuse by her mom. I am just afraid she will go from emotional abuse to either hitting child or claiming sexual abuse.
In every fiber of my being - I want to tell this woman to stop hurting her child. To stop emotionally damaging her innocent daughter. To just stop the madness... as it is not necessary. I love that little girl like my own daughter and I would literally hurt someone if they did that to my daughter. We are trying to remain civil until this court case happens... BUT BM is making it really hard.
It is so hard to sit back and just document things. I want to drive to North Carolina 4.5 hours and just beat the crap out of her - so she can see how it feels to be really abused. BUT for the sake of SD - I am just going to concentrate that energy on SD and continue to try and get that bull out of her mind. Continue to let her know we love and support her.
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girl you got me going early this morning in the midwest....i feel like we are internet sisters...i am really upset at the lengths BM's will go throuh to win a court case and the sad thing is that the child doesnt even know what is going on due to her age (6, you stated)....DAM imagr8tma, i just wonder how your DH is deaing with this, i know when my husband went through something similar (not as bad) he was just out of his mind.....i mean the sad thing is your DH's BM knows that she is up against the wall with all the stuff listed above and right now is trying any and everything to get someone from DH family to do something that she can hold her hat on, i mean you are right, you and auntie should beat her down but try to do it on July 15th :)....my DH ex tried the same thing right before we went to court by lying and even calling me and cussing me out, but i know GOD doesnt like ugly and i didnt let her win because when we got the child out of there i walked out of court and put a note on her car with a smiley face that said i have your man and now i have your child and i will show you how to be a real family (plus i put a picture of my middle finger)...continue to pray and pray hard because the next couple of weeks will be tough...But whatever you do, dont let this destroy the family with you and DH, i mean that is her ultimate goal, my husband and i used to go at it all the time unil i realized that i am mad at the wrong person....love your DH because if he is a good father he is probably going right thru hell in your house and you would never even know it....just my two cents....hey just like i end all of my other comments, love your DH everyway you know, seriously because he needs it because my DH sure did....
Thanks Misery.....
Yeah, my SD is 6 and her mom is putting her through alot. It is sickening to me. We are trying to so hard to keep our peace with the situation until 14 July.
DH is really struggling with this. He and I are at our wits end. It seems like BM will never stop this foolishness. BUT you are right we have to remain strong.
She is really attacking us right now and using the little girl to do it.
Thanks for the advise again. You are right seems like we are internet sisters......... LOL! We will continue to pray, pray and pray. That is all we have to keep us sane right now.
It is so frustrating to watch and hear...
Pray
I will continue to pray for you, be sure to be there for DH because i did'nt realize how bad my DH was until i caught him one night in our den just sobbing..He was trying to deal with this by himself and i didnt even know it because you know men wont show it (think it shows sings of weakness)..this is the time the both of you need to be strong for each other and your SD, you dont want SD to see/hear anything negative between the two of you.....your story really bothers me because i really really feel your pain girl, just trying to give my two cents...i will definetly pray for your DH i bet he is really struggling as you stated above...i think i will call my DH now and just tell him i love him, just because...Hey internet friend, do the same if your DH is not with you reach out and just tell him you love him for know reason....this situation makes me want to whip this BM....
Misery
I will and thank you so much for your prayers and advice. I really appreciate it.
I will continue to be there for my husband and continue pray for my little sd.
Once again thanks so very much.
Imagr8tma
Stay the course... The counselor told you to get a lawyer and a GAL. This will come out in court, I believe. Also, the GAL is supposed to be a neutral party, so hopefully they have been working with you to get custody.
This poor little girl! I'm so glad she has you and DH in her life to take care of her! How is she to you and DH when you are alone with her? Is she just writing / repeating these lies from her BM without fully knowing what she is saying? Or is she starting to turn?
1 more month... You can do it!
Please let us know how it goes!
You are documenting
You are documenting EVERY case of bad behavior on her part, aren't you? For the courts?
Stay strong for each other -- this has got to be an emotional roller coaster for you.
Hugs!
BB
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)
If she calls
There are devices that you can hook into your home phone and cell phone. They are fairly inexpensive and you can record EACH side of the conversation. At least in my state it is admissible in court -- even if you don't tell her you are recording her.
That may help a judge see just how crazy she is! My best friend had to do this with her soon to be ex b/c he truly is nuts! It scares the daylights out of me when he has this sweet little girl. He's TOTALLY unstable! Anyway, he was calling and threatening her DAILY! So I got her this recording device and so now she's able to document his insane behavior!
You can purchase them from any radio shack.
Thank you all for the support and advice
We are documenting everything phone calls, meds, emails, and all of it.
SD started out misbehaving when DH and I got married - but she doesn't anymore. She has adjusted and is doing well when she comes.
She is not reacting negatively to us here in VA.... but i am not sure how long that will last. Currently all of the "bad" things are only happening when she is with her mother.
My DH has a 2 binder books of documentation on her - most of it she signed or sent, we have a med and call log book, and alot of dvds and pics. Even have a dvd during christmas where sd told dh she didn't know why her mommi doesn't like gra8tma - she told her over and over gr8tma was nice but she would not believe her.
All of these things are going to court. . . . . . . . . .
newstepmom2008 - i think we will look into a recording device.
We have a call into our lawyer to see if there is anything he can do to hurry things up or maybe help us to keep sd from having to go back. It might be a long shot but we are going to try.
Pray
Stay the course, with only 4 weeks left make sure you guys dont give her anything that can be used against you...i wouldnt tip your hand because she will be looking for anything to use against you and DH.....i know its hard but that is why i suggested loving your DH because i can only imagine that both of you want to ring her neck and that is exactly what she wants you guys to do so then she can go to court and say, i had to bite my tongue many times, just know that its not about you or your DH the goal is to get that little one out from under the wrath of her mom, over the next couple of weeks you and DH made need to take a weekend trip, spend as much QT together and be on one accord, i am talking from experience, it will work wonders. make sure you guys are connected on a natural loving high, sit your DH down and let him know you have his back , whatever else is going on put it to the back of the burner and be a solied family, not trying to preach but i had to learn this and i need to share it with you, again i am so sorry for what you are goign thru but your story is like reliving mine all over again, dont lose the good fight at this stage in the game you have all your ducks in a row so dont give in and dont let it put a wedge between you and DH because it almost destroyed me and my relationship with DH, this is when you and DH have to love each other emotionally, physically etc....so just make sure you and DH keep quiet and calm because sometimes we have to lose small battles in order to win the war....after July 15th then the two of you can explode on her ass (butt)
Make sure the relative that overhead SD-6 parroting BMs toxic
crap is on your witness list for the upcomming court festivities.
What 6yo keeps a journal? Maybe one that is finishing a degree in Astro-Physics but those 6yos are few and far between.
Do whatever you can to protect this little girl from her own Mother. Your anger has been well earned by BM.
Good luck and best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications)
thanks again ladies
I hear you loud and clear Misery - I will do just that.
Rags - His sister overheard her and she is on the witness list to attend the court date.
All of us are going, DH, me, Mother in law, Sister (His and Mine) we have all heard and witnessed things.......