Bonus is a terrible word for trying to make light of the situation.

The other term that gives me the willies is "Blended"

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"Waiting for them to simply PAS out!" ~ Wicked2Three

Yeah I just read stuff on that site - what bull shit!

Blech.... we aren't 'blended' together, we are DUMPED together!

Are these people delusional? My skids are not bad kids but they certainly aren't 'BONUS' kids to me!! I'm not a 'BONUSMOM' to them. They HAVE a mother and thank GOD it's not me!! :barf:

"TAKE a husband over". Hummm. No. However, I did have to MAKE him over after she RAN him over...emotionally.

#2) The only "home-wrecker" is the spouse/partner that caused the other spouse/partner to leave the relationship. No one, and I don't care what kind of magical powers you think you have, no one outside of a relationship can break a relationship up. Only the two people who are in the relationship can hold it together or break it apart.

Just my opinion. You can lynch me now.
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"Waiting for them to simply PAS out!" ~ Wicked2Three

I have a feeling both of these are "ex" wives? Oh please...love the bleached hair and all the makeup...so fake...

By the way, I have a feeling they are using answers from other sites...it sure seems that way...I am going to check into it because I have gone into a couple of sites about steps and it seems I have read some of their responses before...or maybe they are stealing OUR responses...hmmm

for BM's. I obviousally can't voice my frustration over my sons father here......this is ST afterall! But after reviewing this link I realize that isn't the place for me either.

~All you need is Faith, Trust, and a little bit of Pixie Dust~

BM made DH in court meditation agree that even if SS wanted to call me mom DH would not allow him too.

They remind me of my sons' SM and myself. I really think they are trying to do a positive thing for ex's and SMs. Unfortunately, I also think that those who are capable of achieving this kind of relationship probably are few and far between and have to have a really healthy sense of self on BOTH sides for it to happen. Obviously most of the BMs (if not all) of the ones that drive our membership here, are not able to do the right thing, put the kids needs and best interests above their own, or we wouldn't have sought out this site!

I just went to the site and tried to find the referenced paragraph. This caught my eye because SD last year was in religion class, getting ready for confirmation, and the teacher told the class that any parent that gets divorced is GOING TO HELL!! SD came home in tears. I was FURIOUS, but am not a member of that particular Church. They don't even know who I am... and BM has been going there a long time. BM actually stepped up on this one and talked to the administrators about teaching those kinds of things.

Then, just recently, SD and BM were at another confirmation class, meeting with a supervisor and SD stood up for herself and told the supervisor that part of her issue with the Church is the lack of understanding regarding divorce. SD also told the supervisor about the teacher and that incident. I was very proud of her.

That's the kind of talk that sends kids reeling!! Sita Tara - Their site is very positive from what I saw. I just wonder what kind of advice they would give to someone like Crayon or Endora. I hear you though...it would be a good site for people to check out - especially those just starting out... but not too helpful if the BM isn't capable of bringing up her part of the bargain. Also, did you note that those women were steps to each other for 10 years before they were able to really work things out!!

was in God's eyes, she and my DH were still married. Hmmmm. Well, I happen to know a dirty little secret about her - she's been married before. So, then that would mean that "in God's eyes" she was still married to her former husband when she married DH. She didn't know what to say when I said that to her. Of course she has forbidden us from telling her kids that she was married before DH. Not that I would ever do that (I wouldn't hurt my S-kids like that), but if needed, I think that little bit of information should keep her in line.

Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

This person needs to open her eyes to more than her own situation. I met my husband after the wacko BM left him for someone else several years before I entered the picture. Although she treats me like I'm the one who split up their marriage. I'm beginning to agree with my father that stupid people should be shot!

I read their little site -- sounds all fine and dandy, but so does Never Never Land!

I actually had a great relationship (still do) with my ex's first wife. But the current BM is as worthless as a candy bar wrapper when I have PMS! I don't want to blend with a drug addict and an alcoholic. I value myself to much to hang out with someone who lets her partner beat her child.

No thanks, I'll continue the path I'm on...i.e. ignore her and then if she steps out of line call the police, CPS, FBI, whatever is called for with the situation. But compliment her for "being a good mother"...well let's just say Satan better figure out a way to keep snowballs and ice cycles on hand first!

On the front page...I blogged about this a while back, reading a survey about it in Men's Health...so gross

Q.
Last night my ex came over—just to talk. Well, one thing lead to another and we ended up in bed. The kids weren’t around, it was just us again and now I’m thinking I made a mistake when we split up. It’s been two years, though, and our marriage was so volatile. The thought of going back is really frightening. But, we certainly had fun. I could tell he felt it, too. Is this a good idea?

A.Depends on what you are really asking. If you are asking if casual sex with your ex a good idea? The answer is no. If you are considering reconciliation, then the answer might be yes--but then it's not casual, and there are lots of things to consider before you go forward.

You are certainly not alone in your dilemma. A survey we once took through the Bonus Families website told us that most who have broken up sleep together at least once more after the break-up. And, the “fun” aspect is certainly distracting. But, there’s more at risk when you’re sleeping with an ex than “fun”—especially if you have children together. There’s the danger of hurting THE KIDS again when you realize this isn’t what you expected. And, it’s a big hurt, it’s not a skinned knee that you can bandage and then tell them to go out and play. The wounds will go deep and impact their outlook on life and relationships. So, fun or no fun, know you are taking a huge chance when you entertain the kind of relationship you are proposing.

...you just have to acknowledge that this could merely be a paper fire—burns hot and fast and turns to ashes very quickly.People don’t break up without a reason and they certainly don’t face lengthy divorce proceedings merely because they are mad at each other. You’ve already mentioned your relationship was “volatile.” To us this implies short fuses and lots of arguments--with lots of passion clouding your reason. If you feel you can better face issues now, then reconciliation is always a consideration. But, if you are proposing that you start sleeping together and it will just be your little secret--a word of warning--that who-will-it-really-hurt sort of attitude often backfires. If this goes on for a while, it’s usually because one of the participants is more emotionally invested than the other, and he or she continues the relationship just to keep the other around. That means eventually one of you will be faced with the decision to again move on. Then visitation might get sticky and now the kids are involved.

If you don’t have kids, then in our opinion, you just have to acknowledge that this could merely be a paper fire—burns hot and fast and turns to ashes very quickly. As adults you have had enough experience to know that’s a possibility, so it’s your decision to go forward.

Bottom line? If you are looking for a clear cut rule of good ex-eituqette concering sex with an ex, we would say this: When you share kids, no casual sex with an ex. All moral concerns aside, its just plain too risky emotionally and could color your parenting judgment if the relationship once again becomes volitale. But, if you think there is truly a chance for reconciliation, then sex is part of any healthy relationship. Figure it out before you go forward--in the best interest of you children who have already experienced one divorce.

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"