how old IS your SS?

I'd have to agree with your friend on this one then. Your DH needs to stop coddling his son, and teach the kid some independence. Don't be surprised if the other kids at school and the after care program start teasing him about his behaviour. Kids can be sweet, but they can also be the meanest little beasts on the planet.

I'm sure it's a touchy subject for your DH, but you might want to try talking to him using that angle. Something along the lines of "It may be time to start teaching SS some independence, or self confidence, you know how mean kids can be, and they are starting to notice his clingy behaviour". Just don't say who the "they" is, let him think the other kids are the ones noticing it. I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to see SS as the object to anyone's ridicule...

JMO.

Possibly your and Crayon's future-

Zippy is almost 17 and babied beyond all recognition of a teenager.....sigh

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!

blended family adventure when my SS was 18mos old.

Kaff,

My SS has always tested at 2+ grade levels above current but 3-5 years behind as far as maturity. (according to his teachers, school counselors and other adult observers beginning in Preschool and even the kids in the neighborhood ..... "is he going to cry again????? when he was 10-14)

This is in large part due to the babying issue. IMHO. My Wife has always overcompensated for the situation of his birth. She was a 16yo single Mom and she and SS were abandoned in a disgusting travel trailer by BioDad before SS turned 1yo. She absolutely refused to be a "statistic" beyond being a single teen mom and went on to graduate with her class, finish a dual major BS with honors, and MBA with honors,pass the CPA exam and having a successful and burgeoning professional career.

As accomplished as she became in order to provide an example and the best possible life for SS, she consistently over the years has not been consistent in holding him accountable for his behavior, decisions and actions. When I tried to hold him accountable she would tend to run interference.

This has been aggravated by the tendency of the SpermClan to reward him for cutesy infantile behavior while he is on visitation. He observed his three younger out-of-wedlock half sibs getting all of the attention while being cutesy so he did it in an effort to get recognition from his BioDad and SpermGrandMa.

It took ~12 years but finally I let my Wife know that I was stepping back (not completely out) of disciplining my SS and if she did not like the way I did it then she had better get it done before I had to.

~18mos after I implemented the "you handle it" philosophy she came to the conclusion that he needed an accelerated program to learn age appropriate behaviors including accountability for his behavior, decisions and actions.

Though I had been suggesting it for a couple of years and we had investigated the option before (Wife veto'd it), when she was the one to primarily deal with his immaturity's for a year and a half she decided he needed to go to Military School. He just finished his first year in Mil School as a HS Jr. He did a great job and is a completely different kid than the one we dropped off in Aug who was scared to death. He is now a tall, straight (this is a posture reference not a sexual orientation reference), slender, proud, confident young man who has accomplished a great deal in the past year all on his own efforts. He is all of the good things he was before the Mil School experience and much much more.

I still think he is lagging a bit in the maturity level but rather than 3-5 years behind in maturity I would put him at 2-3 years behind.

He recently informed us that he wants to return for his HS Sr year and for 2yrs of JC. (not that he really had any choice ) Who is this and what did that place to with my kid??????? With his current rate of improvement he should be on level as far as maturity before he finishes JC.

Your SS is at the beginning of the worst age range for this issue IMHO. The sooner you let your DH know what you will and will not tolerate as far as maturity of behavior in you SS and that he had better address it before you have to, the sooner you will begin driving improvements.

Just my thoughts of course.

Best regards,

We struggled for a LONG time with this. It wasn't until we were at a BBQ, our friends son is a few weeks younger than SS.... SS called FH "dada" which drove me CRAZY. Our friends son made fun of him (they had both just turned 5). DADA.... hahaha, you are a baby! FH doesn't baby him... he just doesn't correct him when he is acting like a baby. But I tell you what... he did NOT like his son being teased for it!
FH had a talk with BM about BABY TALK and treating him like his age... it changed for about a week. It's like nails on a chalk board when she picks him up from school... she is whiney and baby talk the whole time... and he responds by acting the same way back. LIKE A BABY.

I am sorry you are having to deal with this. I think it is just going to have to take an eye opening experience for your DH to catch on...

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )

Thankfully my SS is very small for his age so it's not quite so obvious.. but OMG It drives me nuts!
Most of it is not his fault because I think BM pretty much has SS traumatized BUT.. I have really been stressing BIG BOY TALK and actions to the fullest, mostly because it's rather sickening and SS needs some serious help and guidance..I did tell DH this weekend bluntly.. STOP BABYING HIM, PLEASE, THIS IS NOT HELPING HIM ANY..