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The SKid comes home tomorrow. He has had a great year and we could not be

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 4:29pm

more proud of him.

Recap: Skid is a well behaved, sensitive, introvert who historically under-performs significantly against his capabilities.

In his 15+yr Blended Family career he has learned to be a pleaser and a blender. The problem is that this drives the Rags 1/3 of his family nuts including his Mom and I. We want him to experience his full potential and his life to the fullest.

The SpermClan 1/3 of his family have ZERO expectations for his because they have ZERO expectations of themselves. They just want him not to out perform them so that they don't feel inferior or uncomfortable when he is around. (too late, that happened when he was in ~5th grade).

The Mom'sFamily 1/3 of his family just want to spend time with him and avoid any substantive interface at all beyond having fun.

So after years and years and years of fibbing, lies of omission, subterfuge, academic under-performance, debilitating immaturity, etc.......

We sent him to a top notch Military Boarding School.

So, we just got his end of year performance report. He had ZERO punishment tours for the year, top performance in the Corps of Cadets for the entire year, solid participation in extracurriculars for the entire year, and ...................... he made the Commandants list for grades. Biggrin (time to paaarrty! Woo Hoo, Go Skiiid, Go Skiid!!!!!) This is the lowest level of academic honors (Commandants List, Deans List, Presidents List) but is an amazing improvement for him. He did this in a college prep program that is orders of magnitudes more challenging and difficult than the HS he was at last year.

I am so excited to go pick him up at the airport that I can hardly stand it.

Time to get the summers worth of turbo warp parenting in so we can get him prepped for another Summer Visitation with the Sperms then back to school where he can continue to thrive and develop in to a contributing adult of standing in society.

Smile

Best regards,

Comments

The Principlist's picture

Submitted by The Principlist on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 4:59pm

I am always stoked for wonderful news. To hear that your SON is thriving and living up to his potential is just awesome. Who cares that he only made the Commandants List? It is still a cause to be celebrated. I commend him and congratulate you and DW on pushing him to be the man that he is destined to be.

I totally know and understand the frustration of raising a Pleaser personality. SD is such the kid. She is great at all she does but years of having BM chew her out for her decisions has made her a bit mousy and squirmy when it comes time to make a decision. We really have to have her do pros and cons lists so that she can see things on paper and even still she will waiver because EVERYTIME BM calls she grills her about said decision. So, we battle that because SD will never truly be happy if she lives her life for BM rather than herself. In the end, BM is usually STILL not pleased so I just want and need her to hear and listen to the sound of her own voice.

I do say that Party TIme it is!!!

Anyone can take the easy way out and blame others. BUT it takes a a person of character to take a look at one's self and actions and own responsibility for their part. ~ ME ~ }:-P

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 5:15pm

Prince,

I am thrilled for him. He is learning the connection between performance, decisions and results. He is learning that he is capable of performing at an honors level.

I could not be more proud. Don't get me wrong. We will be having discussions about how he plans to move up the Honors scale for his Senior year. Hey, I am his Dad and I want him to challenge himself.

The thing I am most proud of is his developing character. He absolutely is commited to abiding by the school Honor Code: I will not lie, cheat, steal or tolerate those who do. He won't even fib. Which is an incredible improvement over the past few years.

My favorite Skid story for this year: His Mom and I were with him for Family Weekend in Feb. We were all at the grocery store when the Military Science Department Supply NCO walked by. He excused himself and took off after the Sgt. My Skid had gotten credit for Community Svs by volunteering in the supply room. He did not volunteer. Another Cadet had and the Merits were applied to the wrong kids merit account. The Sgt instructed my SS to come see him on Monday. On the following Monday my SS met with the Sgt who thanked SS for bringing the error to his attention. The Sgt left the credits on my SS's merit account as recognition for his honesty and gave the Cadet who actually did the work the same number of merits.

I have a lump in my throat just remembering this story. I am incredible proud of the young man he is becoming.

We will absolutely recognize and celebrate his performance this year.
Biggrin

And set the bar a little higher for next year. Wink

Thanks for the Props for my Skid.

Best regards,

The Principlist's picture

Submitted by The Principlist on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 5:46pm

I am over hear all choked up beaming with pride. Biggrin Biggrin Biggrin

Two thumbs up for SS!!!

Yea we make the kids write out their goals each academic year and post them on their bulletin boards over their desks in their room. That way it is a reminder for what they are working towards. SS got a little thrown off this year, but he seems to be back on track and for that I am thankful.

I remember when BD was a Sr in HS she was 19 slots shy of being in the Top 20% of her graduating class. That was a goal she set for herself at the start of her Sr year. Well she worked and slaved and by graduation she fell within the Top 18% of her graduating class. She has since learned that if you listen to Mama (LOL) and work harder ALL the while it makes it less difficult in the end. She definitely took a different attitude to college. It is always a proud moment when they GET IT! Smile

Anyone can take the easy way out and blame others. BUT it takes a a person of character to take a look at one's
self and actions and own responsibility for their part. ~ ME ~ }:-P

brutallyhonest's picture

Submitted by brutallyhonest on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 7:08pm

Rags,

I'm always excited to read your blogs. I'm so happy to hear that SS is doing well. I'm sure it has been lots of hard work and heart-to-hearts along the way for you and DW, but I just see you and SS as one of the success stories on here.

I'm also happy to see the myths about military or boarding schools dispelled. I think there are a bunch of skids around here that would be well served for having the type of education and discipline your SS is getting. I think, though this might be reaching, that in a step-family situation, you almost need the discipline that a military school brings. You can't work your instructors or commanders against each other like you can 2 parents or households that hate each other. It seems many of our skids are learning to manipulate, skate-by, lie, cheat and steal because their environment lets them. The only thing that might change that is to change their environment to one that doesn't lend itself to teenage manipulation.

I disgress-- really I'm thrilled to hear of SS turn around and continued progress. I'm happy that you and DW were united enough to help SS do this.

BH

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 7:47pm

now it is working for my Son (SS).

I lived at home through 9th grade then had to go away for the rest of HS because school only went through 9th grade for Western Expats where I grew up.

I spent my (first) sophomore year in an awesome Lib Arts school of my choice where I had the time of my life (to that point). After flunking all but one class that year Dad and Mom informed me that I had my shot now I would go where they knew I would focus on school rather than girls, rock climbing, caving and snow skiing.

So off to Military School and my second Sophomore year I went. And I never looked back. Straight A's for the rest of HS. And I had far more fun that I did at the Lib Arts school. Funny how that works. I worked far harder making F's at the first school than I ever did making A's at Mil. School. Positive performance breeds more positive performance and I thrived in the structured environment that focused on accountability.

Mil. School is a Rags family tradition that I am proud to be able to provide for my Skid.

He is taking full advantage of the experience and I am very proud of him and of my wife and I for being able to offer him the opportunity.

Boarding schools in general are not dumping grounds for unwanted kids. Most of them are incredible places where kids can learn to be better people and have truly powerful experiences. However, as with most things kids get out of the experience what they put in to it.

They are not neccessarily a better option than more traditional options but they can be a great thing for a kid that struggles in more tranditional situations.

My Skid's attitude and effort in this has been inspiring to me.

BH, thanks by the way.

Best regards,

LotusFlower's picture

Submitted by LotusFlower on Wed, 05/27/2009 - 9:29am

I have tears in my eyes.....as a ft SM to three, and similar to u, BM took off and has shirked her responsibilities as a mom charged with raising children..BD left the job to u and YOU, my friend have obviously done a fantastic job, ...please don't correct yurself for calling skid yur son.(even tho I know u were just trying to make sure everyone knows he is SS) ...he IS yur son...just like my kids r now MY kids.....we earned that right!!!....I couldn't be happier for u, as these are truly the moments that make dealing with the biolosers all worthwhile...

"there are three sides to every story....your side, my side and the truth :)"

BMJen's picture

Submitted by BMJen on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 7:31pm

You picked up this SPing role and ran with it until you became full on parent. Wooooohoo for you and SS.

~Happiness is defined by the smile on your face, not the frown on others.~

ST Lies's picture

Submitted by ST Lies on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 7:34pm

always nice to hear about step dads (and generally I mean dads) that are there for their kids and get this kind of result. I am tempted to try the same for my son. It would be great for him to learn responsibility, consequence, and reward. Not just reward all of the time.

bewitched's picture

Submitted by bewitched on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 10:38pm

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

Seriously, congrats to you! Congrats to SS! Yea!

How great is he gonna feel when you go pick him up. Bet he'll be one proud boy; and he deserves to feel proud of himself.

KeepsGettingBetter's picture

Submitted by KeepsGettingBetter on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 11:24pm

This is fantastic news. It's actually something BF and I have been considering for SS for a while now, so it's great to hear this news from you.

Both you and DW should be very proud.

Thank you for showing me that there is a chance my SS still has hope.

Endora's picture

Submitted by Endora on Wed, 05/27/2009 - 8:42am

Recap: Skid is a well behaved, sensitive, introvert who historically under-performs significantly against his capabilities.

In his 15+yr Blended Family career he has learned to be a pleaser and a blender. The problem is that this drives the Rags 1/3 of his family nuts including his Mom and I. We want him to experience his full potential and his life to the fullest.

As you know we have a Skid-Zippy 16.5 who is like your SS WAS-Zippy flies under the radar, makes very few waves, will not leave the house and basically only does the bare necessities.

Unfortunately my DH will not step up to the plate with this boy and I feel like I am watching a train wreck as he thinks Zippy will suddenly, by himself, turn things around.

I am happy for you and mostly your SS-he will have confidence in himself to raise the bar and live life to it's fullest!

Congrats to you and your DW!!!!

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!

Amazed's picture

Submitted by Amazed on Wed, 05/27/2009 - 10:37am

That is SO great to hear good news!!! Congrats on having a great skid to work with!!! You have every right in the world to be bursting with pride!!

~I've been drinkin down your pain...gonna turn that whiskey into rain and wash you away...~