You are here

? - would you consider your Sk's before leaving?

kaffonseca's picture

Submitted by kaffonseca on Fri, 05/22/2009 - 12:05pm

I'm just wondering for the SM's that have good relationships with their Sk's but still deal with BS..would you consider your Skids when leaving...like would they prevent or prolong you from leaving?

I know some Sm's the Skids are the reason they'd leave! LOL!

Like in my case I basically have adopted my SS5 as my own and he thinks of me and refers to me as his mommy. FH and I have had a few relationship ending arguments..but besides thinking of my own BD and how happy she is in our life with FH I think of SS and how he'd feel also if FH and I were to break up.

Comments

DISbelief's picture

Submitted by DISbelief on Fri, 05/22/2009 - 12:09pm

Just as I considered my own kids in my first marriage. I have never contemplated leaving FH, but if I did, I would consider ALL of the kids before I make that decision. We are a family. They would be CRUSHED. I think it would be harder on them then when we split with our ex's... they are older now and would understand what was going on.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )

FutureSM's picture

Submitted by FutureSM on Fri, 05/22/2009 - 12:12pm

i would absolutely consider my FSD 10, and my BD 4 before making any life altering changes to our family. They would be heartbroken. Unless it comes down to being beyond repair (our relationship). I will do everything in my power to keep our family together.

sweetthing's picture

Submitted by sweetthing on Fri, 05/22/2009 - 12:25pm

My marriage has a lot more downs than ups, stemming from DH's bipolar disease and plain old laziness. Not very proud to say but we got into a doozie when the skids were here a couple of weekends again.

SS11 cried hysterically & told us that he loved me & that the last 4 years have been the best of his life. It was awful!

I know if I ever leave that my skids would be devestated. They think of me as their other mother & know that I am the one who makes our house a home.

After that blow out I told DH that this marriage is NOT just about us, but about those two boys as well as our son. Our divorce would break their hearts worse than their mom & dads... think about that!

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Fri, 05/22/2009 - 11:53pm

at least be part of your analysis and decisioning process on the stay or go choice.

They should not be THE decision point. The marriage/adult relationship is the core of the family and should be the motivating factor in the stay or go decision.

Just my thoughts of course.

Best regards,

non_mom23's picture

Submitted by non_mom23 on Sat, 05/23/2009 - 9:26am

A while ago I was thinking about leaving my H. We have no children together but he has a BD8.

I was talking with my psychiatrist about this and she said that my SD is attached to me and that it would devastate her if I left. She said that basically in order not to screw her up even more I'd need to see her, kind of like visitation, until she's old enough to let me go herself.

Honestly, for my own sake I would never want to see her if me and my H split. I would just want it to be done and over and no contact with either of them. I know that's absolutely terrible that I did get involved with someone with a kid and I do love her but I guess I don't like being responsible for her when she has her own parents. I decided not to have children of my own yet, she has semi-capable parents to see her through, she doesn't need me.

I know that's not true but that's how I feel. Take your sanity into account first, if you're not happy, your whole family can't possibly be happy. Good luck.