I don't know her they way I would like to, and fear I'll never have the chance. But my SD 14 is a loveable wonderful girl, I would love her no matter how I was in her life. I think her and I were ment to be!

~Happiness is defined by the smile on your face, not the frown on others.~

Luckily, my problems are with the BM, not the SKids. I'm extremely thankful for this -- after all, I hardly have to see the BM anymore, but the SKs are with us often. It would be MUCH harder if I didn't like them or they didn't like me.

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

Like you, belleboudeuse, my problems are with BM, even though I've never had any direct contact with her. If you had asked me this two or three years ago, when the skids were being poisoned 24/7 with PAS, I probably would have said yes, because if they were friends or neighbors kids, I would rarely have to see or interact with them. Plus, they were reacting to the situation in the only way they knew how because neither BM nor DH taught them appropriate ways to vent their feelings. I'm fortunate in that my skids NOW really like me too.

*

My SD14 with whom I live, yes I would. She has been through a lot and is getting better everyday. We have our moments, but she is just a lost, lonely child in need of love.

The SD16 yes, we always hit it off and I miss her terribly. She left our house following in footsteps of SD18. Interestingly, she is the only one that is H's biokid and she reminds me of him, which is probably why weinitially hit it offf. SD18....hell no. Sorry but it is true. I dislike her. I seek out the positive in every person. This one, no redeeming qualities have been exhibited. In fact last week I ask her via text did she have something in mind for a graduation gift. She said, yeah give me money. Now I've not spoken to this young lady since last summer when she was pregnant and she says I'm going to travel over Europe and need some money. I was offended in light of her just blowing college off and not having apologized or dealt with anything she put my family through in past 2 years. When she asked for the money it reminded me of how she and BM schemed for me and H to buy her things and she was to leave upon securing certain things.

Naw, I wouldn't like her, nor would I ever be around her but for H.

Evil Diva

But if I truly believe if her were raised by anyone else he would not be the sweet little boy he is. When he is with his mom he is a terror! I don't like him when he is with her, I LOVE him to pieces at home though.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )

i love my ss because he is infact my ss, and the child of the man i love. He is very mean, selfish, and whiney. I understand that he is going through a lot and has many actions caused by his bm, but if he were the kid of a friend, i would not bring my children around him because he is infact mean, and i would not want his bad manners to rub off on my kids. we have lots of good time between us, but there are many times that i worry very much about his future. yesterday, at his bday party, which i paid for and organized, he told my dad that he was going to die because he told ss not to do something...fh brushed it off, but if it were my child he would have seen a punishment so fast his head would spin. I see other kids and the are so happy go lucky, and ss4 is easily moody and angry. its just so sad because he is really bright and seriously one of the cutest little boys ive ever seen, and as a child photographer ive seen a lot. my only hope is that as he gets older, he will take out his issues with the right people, and bless the rest of us with the kind of amazing child he has the potential to be!

believe that they are awesome kids and it is their Bm and her parenting style ( or lack of) that cause issues in our home!

I think. Well, I think I would feel the same either way. I don't really view him as DHs kid though...so I'm probably already in that boat. But like other posters, he is not the one I have a problem with, he's a nice enough kid. Its BM. I think I would feel the same about him no matter whose kid he is.

"You never realize how short a month is until you pay child support"

SS is very rude to people that he doesn't know (perhaps because he is shy? I don't know) so if he wasn't my SS, he would probably be a jerk to me or at least until he had been around me for a while.

Once he opened up to me, I'd think he wa a pretty cool kid.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

I have to say at this point, I probably would not be drawn to SD17 if she was not my SD. I do think it is due to her upbringing as BM's best friend, but our personalities are very different and even opposite. She loves to be the center of attention and throw dramatic fits of crying and anger like an actress in a play except it is in my face and not on a stage, is very outspoken, I believe lies frequently and is a know it all. As an SM of 9 years, I do not feel that my suggestions for improvement would be welcome at any point. I am hoping it is just a phase, but am afraid it may just be her . . .

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

alot while reading posts on this board..is it really the SK that irks us or the fact that he is a produce of BM. I told FH this past weekend I think SS2 is adorable and a pretty normal 2 yr old..I just hate the fact that he came from BM and that he is a constant reminder of her (and their relationship which only bothers me once in awhile) when he is around (he looks just like her too). I was very honest with him and he understood completely.

SS5 I would still like if he was a friend's kid..BUT I would have the same opinion that he is toooo babied for his age. If I was at my say girlfriends hosue and he was her kid and he did things that he has done at my house..I'd have the same reactions and I'd tell my girlfriend.

"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"

be easier to deal with because it would not be a requirement for them to be at my house EW.

If they were my friends children I would not have to constantly deal with the parenting style of BF & Bm and I could choose whether or not I wanted to go to my friends house and be around them when they are acting up or not.

If my friends children behaved like BF allows his kids to behave, I would simply say, "well, it's time for me to go, I've got to do this and that."

I've never been a woman who got all googly-eyed over babies or kids, but I do have good relationships with and love towards friends' kids. I feel totally differently about my friends' kids than I do about SD2. It could be:

1) The parents in the situation (married or single) expect good manners and appropriate behavior; or
2) I can leave if I do get aggravated; or
3) I'm appreciated as an adult with my own life, who is welcome to spend time with them because I have made time and desire to do so, not because it's expected of me; or
4) I don't feel like the existence of the kids competes with my relationships with their parents.

If SD2 wasn't a SK...I might find her cute, and appreciate her intelligence, and be less bothered by her father's continuous coddling :sick: He says that "everyone else but me" thinks she's a great kid...I counter that I'm the only one who spends time with the two of them as a family of sorts. As an aside, BM's friends do think SD2 is (and I quote) "an angel"...I bounce that back to how I feel about my friends' kids, and the fact that they don't share a house with the little witch

~Southern culture on the SKids~

I do not like the way Zippy has been "brought up"-I won't say parented as he was not parented. I don't think I would have a problem with Zippy16.5 if

1. He was taught manners
2. Had reasonable boundaries
3. Was not babied to death
4. You could hold a decent conversation with him
5. Was held responsible and accountable for his behavior and that DH would STOP making excuses for him!

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!

I agree with Endora's list in it's entirety!

1. He was taught manners
2. Had reasonable boundaries
3. Was not babied to death
4. You could hold a decent conversation with him
5. Was held responsible and accountable for his behavior and that DH would STOP making excuses for him!

We have had our rough spots. I think mostly from PAS from BM which was displayed in the skids behavior and attitude. Over time they have begun to see BM in the true embers of the fire pits of HELL that she resides. They have admitted that they would sit around and have bitchfests about me. BM encouraged the poor behaviors and disrespect towards me. Luckily DH did not allow or accept it most days. The kids now see me for who I am and not what I represent and things are cool.

All in all I do have great kids. They are kind and generous and smart. They help others and genuinely have good hearts. The sad thing is that all of these qualities really shine through the less they spend time around BM.

Anyone can take the easy way out and blame others. BUT it takes a a person of character to take a look at one's self and actions and own responsibility for their part. ~ ME ~ }:-P

My SD is the most disruptive, badly behaved child I have ever met. I to wouldn't let her anywhere near my daughter - I hate the fact that she is right now.
If she was my friends kid, I could probably put up with her whinning and jumping all over me and going in huffs for no reason (like my friends have to put up with), but not for any great length of time. For example, I would probably turn down a holiday offer If I knew she was going to be there. I have to live with this everyday!

I can honestly say I wouldn't like Skid even objectively. We have too much of a personality clash even without her abhorrent behaviour. She's the kind of child you'd avoid/keep your children away from in normal circumstances. The apple plopped straight down from the BM tree, and I can't stand her mother. I can't be expected to like someone who is identical to someone I can't stand, simply because they're a child.