Since I got the call about the job :smile:, I've been really thinking about the dynamics of the last year with H. The hand writing is on the wall. I'll have to wait and see what my first paycheck amounts to, see if I'll be able to make it until I get on full time, but I know it's over between him and I.

I think I'll never ever understand how a man can go from loving you and wanting to marry you, to not even being intimate on your wedding nite. How did saying "I do" change everything? And it's been downhill ever since.

The problems with SD17. When I'm not angry over it, I'm sad. I am a loving woman. I did care so much, and try so hard with her. Within weeks of marrying, I had a b.d. party for her, basically gave her my car. I fixed her fav food when she came over, kept my mouth shut when she acted entitled, until I could take it no longer. Watching my BS be treated as "less than" over the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, by both H and SD17, was, I guess the final straw there. Never again.

SD14. How I love that girl. And she loves me in return. She will be my one regret when I am free of this. I worry for her, I am the only one who has ever stood up for this child. This child who cried to me that her Dad loves SD17 more; that even her 1/2 sister sees it, even BM sees it. SD14, so lacking in belief in herself, when she is so beautiful, inside and out. I've watched as SD17 treated her as so much crap on her shoe, and H said not a word. I watched while H overindulged SD17, but if we did anything for SD14, it resulted in over the top jealousy from SD17, and H pacifying her jealous behaviour with yet more gifts.

I honestly do not know what I could have done differently. I feel and ending here and wonder how much of the failure of this marriage is actually my fault.