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New to Remarriage and stepkids...

eyelovegeezus's picture

Submitted by eyelovegeezus on Mon, 05/04/2009 - 12:12pm

Hi, I am new here and am grateful for this site. I married my DH on Valentine's of this year, and both of his kids SS15 and SD12 were in the wedding. I have 2 children of my own from previous marriage (ages 5 and almost . They were also in wedding. Anyways, skids seemed fine....or so I thought from what my DH was telling me along the way. We just bought a new home 2 counties from where I live with my kids now (waiting for school year to end to move), just so we could accommodate them and keep his kids in their current schools and near their BM. Long story short, DH has been divorced for over 5 years, very ugly mariage and divorce, BM kept kids in middle of the drama entire time, spit in DH face in front of them, told skids that DH did not love them, etc...UGH! DH and I thought my becoming part of their lives would help, but it has become such a mess. SS16 moved out of our new home 2 weeks ago to live with BM, now SD12 is threatening the same and telling DH he has new family now, resents my kids for calling DH "dad". I totally get ALL of it, but it still sux! My DH is an amazing man, and I love him so much. He feels the same about me. I just gave up this past weekend with DH, so he could have alone time with SD12. It hurt, but it was actually my idea. She is still saying same things to him. On top of ALL this, this has affected our husband/wife intimacy because he gets distracted with worrying about losing his kids. I am trying SO hard to be patient, loving and understanding, but I am dying inside. I am tired of crying and feeling bad. I am tired of having to think about skids, and just want to protect by biokids. Oh, SD12 and my bioD8, have the SAME NAME!! What are the chances of that! I just needed to vent, thanks for listening.

Comments

Colorado Girl's picture

Submitted by Colorado Girl on Mon, 05/04/2009 - 1:45pm

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.

I'm sure your recent marriage has awakened some otherwise dormant feelings in the BM of your skids... jealousy and contempt topping the list. Your skids are only following suit because they probably just don't know any better.

This is a great place to vent and work thru what you are feeling.

Big hugs.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

Angel's picture

Submitted by Angel on Mon, 05/04/2009 - 3:33pm

"I just gave up this past weekend with DH, so he could have alone time with SD12." I GAVE UP MY HOUSE----he'd stay with his son and I'd be roaming the streets.

I did that for 4 years. I couldn't take it anymore & put a stop to it. It was sooo handy for them that it would have gone on way after his 18th birthday had I not put a stop to it. SORRY FOR THE RANT---BUT BOY COULD I RELATE.

vent away sweetie

belleboudeuse's picture

Submitted by belleboudeuse on Mon, 05/04/2009 - 6:24pm

A lot of us here (me included) have had the experience of BM's rage being reawakened when we married DH. Who knows why -- probably just the realization that they are no longer the main woman in his life. So yes, the situation with your SKs probably has something to do with that, whether BM is actively saying things to turn them against you, or merely "telegraphing" her dislike of you and anger at the situation.

There are no easy answers for this. You'll have to find a happy (?) medium between letting the kids feel the way they feel and not punishing them for that, and making sure everyone knows you and DH are a unit, and both of you are to be respected, if not loved. And also, a happy medium between giving the kids parent time and giving yourselves couple time. Both are essential to your family and your ability to make this work.

Many of the people on this site have had to be very patient and wait a long time for things to start to improve. Welcome to this site, and please use it to air frustrations and seek advice. All of us have experienced some of what you're feeling.

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

eyelovegeezus's picture

Submitted by eyelovegeezus on Tue, 05/05/2009 - 8:14am

Thank you, everyone! I definitely have taken the rose colored glasses off, or should I say they were snatched off for me! haha Ugh.....patience is not one of my strong suits, so God has a sense of humor, huh? I will keep you posted on how things progress....but I will NOT be giving up any more weekends with my DH. SD12 better start adjusting or at least trying a little harder.

P.S. BM is the one who cheated on my DH and asked him for the divorce.....HER LOSS!!!