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I'm NOT a built in babysitter..they are your kids

kaffonseca's picture

Submitted by kaffonseca on Mon, 05/04/2009 - 10:16am

Ok..I have self proclaimed that my SS5 is mine in my heart..so that is fine..taking care of him, watching him,etc...is my own initiative...but even than I am starting to feel a little non appreciated for stepping in and taking the mother role so well. BUT FH's 2yr old son has a mom and a dad and FH only has him two days a week. I feel when he is with his dad that his dad should take care of him...not me..and I'm SURE BM would not appreciate me taking care of her child or disciplining him when he is in our home. One big pet peeve of my EH's was when my BD would go with him...he would leave her with aunts, his girlfriend,etc..while he went out..WHY take her than..

Ok..my vent..yesterday we had a barbq to celebrate the Boston Celtics winning the first round of playoff..FH had his 2yr old..so SS5 and 2yrold are outside playing in the fenced in yard..great. Well the 2yrold figured out to open the latch on the gate. Thankfully my girlfriend saw it. I spoke to my FH about keeping an eye on the 2yrold. So he tells SS5 to watch him. HELLO - HES 5...!!!! basically all day other people were keeping an eye on the 2yrold while he just continued to play ball in the driveway..drink with his friends,etc..I was getting frustrated. AT one point I pulled him over and said "you need to watch CJ better, he is your son to keep an eye on".

So around 7 everyone is gone except one or two of FH's friends. I go upstairs..clean up, sit on the couch..next thing I know I hear SS5 and the 2yrold coming up the stairs and I hear my FH's car starting (he has one of this dumbazz racing mufflers) and the 2yrold starts SCREAMING and crying for daddy cuz' he hears his car leaving..I'm like "WTF! What is going on..." So I get mad because he leaves and doesn't even TELL ME! He was going around the corner to pick up his friend and said he would be gone for "two minutes and it wasn't that big of a deal"..He doesn't seem to understand that 1) you can't just leave without telling me!!! HELLO!!! And 2) I'm NOT a built in babysitter.

So now I'm FURIOUS...I tell him when he gets back "why bother taking the 2yrold on your day if your not gonna watch him?" He tells me I'm making a big deal out of nothing.

We aren't speaking right now.

Comments

FuBaR's picture

Submitted by FuBaR on Mon, 05/04/2009 - 10:29am

You dont mind watching ss5 but you do the 2 yr old?? So does ss5 not have a mother? You say 2 yrs old has a mother and father Im sorry I just cant follow what you are trying to say? Maybe I read your post wrong but if you could clarify why you dont like watching one but you do the other..I agree if FH leaves he needs to notify you..But then again he may not think you mind watching 2yr old because you dont mind watching ss5..

"The future's uncertain and the end is always near." Jim Morrison

FuBaR's picture

Submitted by FuBaR on Mon, 05/04/2009 - 10:30am

*

"The future's uncertain and the end is always near." Jim Morrison

kaffonseca's picture

Submitted by kaffonseca on Mon, 05/04/2009 - 10:36am

He has full custody of the 5yr old..the mother is nowhere to be found. Even than there are times when I feel that he is taking advantage of me taking on the "mother role" of the 5yr old. like last week I went walking and left the 5yr old with my BD13 and he got mad about it! FH works 8-9 every day and all day Sat. I have no time to myself..when he IS home..I would expect him to take care of his SS5..he still doesn't half the time.

I don't mind HELPING him with the 2yr old..but I feel that he takes him and he should spend time with him since he only sees him two days a week..not leave me to care for him also. I am mad because he didn't even bother telling me he was leaving yesterday..what if I was in the shower, or had left (even though I wouldn't leave without telling him even though my BD wasn't home)..but what if he had just told the boys to go upstairs and they ended up back outside alone unsupervisied. I just feel it is VERY irresponsible..and than the 2yr old is screaming for his dad and can't be consoled. If I had known he was leaving I could have distratcted the 2yr old.

"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"

FuBaR's picture

Submitted by FuBaR on Mon, 05/04/2009 - 10:42am

for clarifying..And I understand completly taking advantage of you is insane, when you already do the most of the work as mother..Yes husband needs to step up to the plate instead of leaving you to do it all..Maybe try talking to him about it if he is receptive..I agree with you for being upset as you have every right to be..

And for loving ss5 as your own KUDOS to you, you are a great person for that..

"The future's uncertain and the end is always near." Jim Morrison

kaffonseca's picture

Submitted by kaffonseca on Mon, 05/04/2009 - 10:45am

I love SS5 as my own. I love 2yr old too, don't get me wrong.

I'm just so frustrated right now..I tried TALKING to him..he says I'm just trying to argue. So now he isn't speaking to me at all.

"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"

FuBaR's picture

Submitted by FuBaR on Mon, 05/04/2009 - 10:52am

and needs to be responsible for both children and thankful he has someone like you that WANTS to help..Instead of taking advantage of you, sounds like he is being really childish and immature about this whole thing..

"The future's uncertain and the end is always near." Jim Morrison

Angel's picture

Submitted by Angel on Mon, 05/04/2009 - 2:14pm

perfectly. If your dh is having his visitation-----HE NEEDS TO MAKE SURE HE visits and takes care of him. Pinch hitting for him is one thing, but assuming that your uterus makes you the watcher of children is absurd.

You are setting a precedent here. Stick to your guns. I would NEVER want to give up my parental responsibility to ANYONE lest I lose a precious moment with my child.

Sunflower's picture

Submitted by Sunflower on Mon, 05/04/2009 - 7:28pm

Wow its like he married you to have a full time baby sitter!! How old is DH? I hope in his teens otherwise he is being completely immature! Oh Yeah and not talking to you really solves problems.Uhhgh! Sometimes dont you want to just slap em in the head and hand the kids to him and say They are yours not mine here ya go!! I love my skids as if they were mine but you have to draw the line somewhere! You need time to yourself as well. I dont care what DH does for a job taking care of a child is harder!Being a SM is a thankless job there are no breaks. You are often underappreciated and overlooked. Might I suggest you take a couple days off and go away somewhere with your bio kids. Leave DH to take care of his kids.He needs to grow up and learn to be responsible.Leaving a 5 and 2 yr old by themselves outside could have lead to tragedy!! I know that you are aware of that but DH needs to wake up! It only takes an instant for some nut job to snatch a child (even in your own yard). They are out there and watching and waiting. You deserve a break and alot of credit for all that you do.I hope DH swallows his pride and gives you a nice mothers day.

step2three's picture

Submitted by step2three on Tue, 05/05/2009 - 5:00pm

Thats what my husband does also then when I say something about it he gets all offensive saying I dont want him to see his kids!! I dont care if he sees them but when he gets them i expect him to watch them they are not there visiting me!! I never leave my BD with him so he can watch her either!