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FH thought it was "weird" that I didn't bring SS!!??? LONG VENT

kaffonseca's picture

Submitted by kaffonseca on Thu, 04/30/2009 - 1:28pm

I love my SS5..and the fact that his mother is not around and that FH has full custody does not make it hard as far as dealing with a BM (he has one of those too though..ARRGGH!)

But anyways..FH works until about 9at night and ALL day Sat. from 8-9pm..it SUCKS..so I pick up SS from afterschool program...bath him,feed him, etc..etc..than I have him ALL day Sat..now my BD is 13..right at the age where I was actually getting some freedom.I met new girlfriends, joined a motorcycle club,etc..now in walks FH and his son and I'm born again mom of a 5yr old..granted I LOVE my SS like my own (and I always wanted aboy) but still he is not MINE..and FH seems to have forgotten that..

So just this week I got really determined to start excercising and losing some winter weight. I started walking at work during my lunch hour and than after work asked my girlfriend to go walking with me. I've brought SS with me before and c'mon now..he can't keep up..I have to stop every few minutes to tell him to keep up (there are no playgrounds around where I walk). So last night I ask BD to watch him while I go. I was gone for about 1.5 hrs..FH sends me a text saying "why didn't you bring them with you..you always bring SS with you everywher you go....it's weird you didn't bring him"

I was fuming. It's obvious he was prob. suspecting I was doing something else maybe and not what I said I was doing..but what got me mad is that YES I do bring him with me EVERYWHERE. I take care of his afterschool programs, his summer camp registration, his eating, everything. On Saturdays I ahve him ALL day and this little boy is VERY close to me and very babied so he is up my AZZ 24/7 (even when his dad is home).

I text my FH back that "I have him ALL the time your right, he's up my butt 24/7.. I deserve to have some time to myself. I love him like my own..but some appreciation would be nice too..how about what a great SM I am and that I've sacrificed soo much to take care of him like my own".

Comments

belleboudeuse's picture

Submitted by belleboudeuse on Thu, 04/30/2009 - 1:44pm

Yes, he needs to appreciate you, not expect that you will do these things.

Ask him if he got involved with a woman so he could have a babysitter. If not, then he needs to realize that you are the mom of a 13 year old. He is the dad of an 8 year old. What did he do with his kid before he met you?

Sit down with him and work out a plan that takes into account BOTH of your needs. He needs to work and take care of his kid, and so do you. And both of you need free time. And you need time as a family all together. And you need time for just the two of you to be alone. You have to figure out as a couple how to do all of that, to both of your satisfaction.

Good luck! Keep us posted.

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

MSloan86's picture

Submitted by MSloan86 on Thu, 04/30/2009 - 2:38pm

So what did FH do before you came along to do all the schlepping? How long have you been doing it? If FH really expects you might be doing 'something' other than what you told him, you have other, bigger issues ahead.

kaffonseca's picture

Submitted by kaffonseca on Thu, 04/30/2009 - 3:12pm

I came into his life his X (his other son's BM) would watch him afterschool til' my FH got out of work..she continued doing this after we were together...(which aggravated me)..but than out of the blue she said she couldn't watch him anymore cuz' "he didn't listen to her"..

So I found a new daycare for him.

He didn't say he didn't beleive me or even call while I was out. I asked him if he thought I was doing something else..he said no..it was just weird that I didn't bring SS since I ALWAYS do.

"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"