Mothers Day Advertisement
I do more reading on this site than I do posting. But I need some opinions and advice on this one. Mothers Day is fast approaching and I need to know how to handle this. So allow me to vent a bit and then get right down to it.
Has anyone seen or been the slightest bit offended by the 1-800-Flowers TV commercial? They are advertising this whole "Spot a Mom" deal with, in their own words, "the idea that no mom should be left behind". Yet nowhere in the commercial or in the article discussing their idea to advertise on social networking sites have they mentioned anything about Stepmoms. The TV commercial mentions buying flowers for the new moms, the moms to be, the moms of 3, the moms of a mom, hell even the doggie mom. But what about the Stepmom? Just another way for society to make trying to make stepfamily work that much harder on us. Not only are we portrayed as the evil stepmother in Disney movies, hell we don't even deserve flowers for Mother's Day even after how hard we try every day. But don't forget the doggie mom. Maybe Im just offended because this is my first year as official stepmom. I got upset last year because I was going to be his stepmom in a few months. But I wasnt yet so I didnt count. Well this year I am his stepmom. But I can guarantee that I still wont count.
So here is my question to all the stepmoms (stepdads can answer to, since its your turn in June) who have already been through this, as you can see I am still new at it. How do I handle the situation? Should I drop a hint to my DH about being upset with the commercial and hope he gets the hint? Do I say nothing and hope that I am thought of? And do I have the right to get upset when I am one of those "moms" who does get left behind?
I guess that after only 6 months, Im already beyond frustration. I am sick of being the one who always has to be the one who has to try, to have to bond, who has to be the one to think of everyone elses feelings. Especially when no one else has to try. No one else has to care that my feelings get hurt. No one else ever bothers to consider me. I dont much care for my own stepmom, with good reason, but I still send her a card for Mothers Day every year. Because even though she did nothing to help in my raising, the word MOM is still in her title.
I know I shouldnt be getting myself so worked up when I havent gotten disappointed yet, but I guess that commercial just got to me that much. The stepmom should have been mentioned and not the doggie mom. Please tell me how a doggie mom is more of a mom than a stepmom.
- sweetoctober's blog
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Comments
I never thought about it
but I guess you have a point.
I wouldn't get worked up about it but you do have some valid points about ads and also how step mothers are portrayed.
More so in this world of politically correct language and with this new super liberal govt and all the leftys
there seems to be who voted for him.
All subgroups seem to be nicely portrayed on TV, like
gays, transgenders, fat people, etc...
but us stepmoms are "dirt" I guess.
My husband gets me dog mom card on mothers day and has since I met him
He is so thoughtful.
hmmm....
My SDs do get me cards. They get presents for their mom, and cards for her (even though she doesn't deserve anything they get her, but that's for another blog!) My DH is always the one to take them out to do their Mothers' Day shopping. He told them that I'm not their mom, and I'm not trying to be their mom, but I do a lot of nice things for them so they do need to get me a card. They don't have the greatest of luck at finding stepmother cards so usually what they do is buy a ton of them when they do see them and use those. Even though I get the same card for several years in a row, it's nice to know that my efforts are appreciated. I will say, though, that I didn't request that DH make the kids get me cards. I think you should address it with your H. Even if he's not for SS getting you a card, he (DH) should at least get you a card or do something else nice for you to show his appreciation for all you do for his child.
Now, as to my stepmother, I don't care for her either. She's not a nice person and has no warmth to her whatsoever. But, I do wish her a happy Mothers' Day, even if it's not on the exact day. If I call to talk to my dad right before or after Mothers' Day, and she picks up (she usually does) I'll tell her I hope she has/had a good Mother's Day.
I get gifts from my SD
My SD usually makes me something and my H gets me a card and gift as well. Before my BSs were here my SD and H (when he was still a boyfriend) always got me gifts/card.
We do ask and make sure that SD has a gift for BM. Before BM was in a steady relationship we would buy a gift and card for BM that SD could give to her. I also used to buy a little cake and have SD decorate it for her. However, since BMs H has been in the picture we just make sure that SF has gotten it on SDs behalf.
mmmmm
This will be my second mothers day in SS life and although I have alot to do with him mothers day is not about me , I do take his sisters and him out to buy something special for BM as that is the one the children think about when "mothers" day happens..... I have a special day that they remember me on .... its called Zimka day and its about all the cool things I do for them.... we celebratrate it around the same time usual the weekend end after mothers day and we do all the same stuff then. I am only a SM currently and this might change when/if I become a BM. Hope this helped
Great idea!
I think you guys have solved the Mother's day dilemma by having a day just for you.
My kids always remember my husband on Father's Day, BUT their dad always comes first. My husband accepts that and knows that the kids love him no matter what so he doesn't dwell on it.
“Every truth has two sides; it is as well to look at both, before we commit ourselves to either”~Aesop
I would wait to see what happens
I think it says alot about the people who reap our stepmom-ing, to see what kind of response you get. If you try to head it off in advance, you will not get a true reading.
I don't expect to get anything which is fine because first I am 'not a mom', and second I feel that all these type holidays are just hype to sell things and generate buzz and competition about nothing - you should thank people for what they do all year long.
I have had SD acknowledge me on mothers day, but ignore her dad for the past few years on fathers day, which I found made me think much less of her somehow. I don't need any fake praise, but I do think you should respect your own parent!!! But I let her deal with her own choices, she will be a parent too someday hopefully and can be judged as she judges.
Also because no one can really know what you really expect or want, if there is any question that my feelings will be hurt on an occasion, I buy myself a little surprise.
It really helps, LOL!!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
I completely understand your frustration...
I too felt like that. I still do a lot of times. I will be on my 4th "Mother's Day" with skids, and I don't know that my DH has ever taken the time to make sure that I count. I may not be BM... but I am in all practicaly senses a "mom" to those kids. Its actually a sore spot with me because I know this will be yet another year that he doesn't do anything special for me. The kids in the past have made me cards(which I absolutely LOVE!!) and they know how much I do. I can be very thankful for that aspect, that they do appreciate as much as they can at their ages.
As far as the commercials and such.. I don't know that society will ever get the hang of the fact that its not a fantasy world. There ARE blended families, they are abundant. Just as there are homosexuals- which they fight for their rights! (not that it is the same, but the idea kind of is..its not the "norm"). Maybe there will come a day when we count in everyone's eyes. But of course, I'm not holding my breath lol
Stepmoms don't count
Yes, every mother's day even though BM is supposed to have them, for the last 5 years that we have been married, they have been with me, mean old stepmom every year for mother's day. Even worse, the second mother's day, SD11 told me she didn't have to say mother's day to me because I wasn't her mother.
Thank god for Bioligical children to bring you back from the edge... If it wasn't for my biological children i would have strangled my DHs brats a long time ago. But, I don't BC to be witnesses..
You're right, and talk to DH about it
I vividly remember my first mothers day as a SM (I have 2 BD already) Always loved the holiday, loved the wonderful things my BD's would make in preschool, etc. My BD's were excited about the event at 2 & 3. My SD's at 5 &7 were oblivious and I was really hurt. After all the hard work (we have them 50% and do 100% of the parenting) not getting so much as an I love you crushed me.
That was 4 years ago and nothing has changed from the SD's but at least BD tries to make a bigger deal out of it and that helps. It means something if he's appreciative of all the mom stuff I do, even if the SD's aren't.
STEPMOMS are
*Ghost moms
*Silent moms
*invisible moms
Society does not accept us as "real moms", maybe because all the media pointing at us as evil witches who "broke" a family, and now let the REAL mom, suffering and struggling.
~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's
It is what it is
I think it is up to our husbands to make sure the kids remember us. The schools don't have the kids who have step moms make a gift for the mom & one for the stepmom. My skids teachers know I exist, they have met me, they have heard about me, they see me at stuff but only things are sent home for BM for mothers day. However on the flip side how much time do the kids have to be making me something in school??? That is why I say it is what it is.
I know my DH will do something, to be honest I don't expect much gift wise as I recently got my beautiful ruby ring, so a card & flowers or just not having to cook works for me. I think it is easier since we have a child together, last year he got 1 card from all 3 of them & they all signed it. My card was for mom.. and I am my sons mom so....
I do find the comment about transgenders, gays & fat people offensive. Ihave not lost my baby weight since my son was born for several reasons & have always battled my weight even when I am thin . I am certainly not in the catagory for being on the biggest looser, but I found that unneccesary, small minded & offensive.
I haven't seen that ad yet but
JamaicanMeCrazy
DISNEY LIED...THERE IS NO 'HAPPILY EVER AFTER'
Last year one of the more popular churches in our area put something about how wonderful it is to be a birth mom and children should rejoice their real mothers on their marquee, I can't remember the exact wording but it was a real slap in the face to all the stepmoms and foster moms out there.
My SD's don't acknowledge me anyday, so why would Mother's Day be any different? Last year DH got me a gorgeous hydrangea plant for MD and I always get him something for Father's Day from me and the "boys" - our short,4 legged, hairy, speech-challenged dogs. His daughters may get him a card if they remember or if it's not too much of an inconvenience.
I'm all for a StepMom's Day - what day shall we pick?
Thank you for all of your
Thank you for all of your comments. Its great to know that I am not the only one who feels like this. I dropped a hint to my DH and it was completely lost on him. He thought I was upset about it because I wanted to get my stepmom flowers for Mothers Day. Then he decides to tell me that he doesnt understand why the commercial upset me so much. I simply told him he would never understand how I feel about anything like this because he will never be a "step".
My birthday was earlier this month. I thought that was supposed to be a special day just for me. My DH made sure to remember me, but I didnt get so much as a "Happy Birthday" from my ss. And I know that Mothers Day will be just another disappointment, and another reason I will disengage once again. Im not going to continue to try when my DH doesnt bother to care. Maybe once he sees that things will finally change.
I would be all for a StepMom's Day- but Im sure Id be forgotten even then.
I wouldn't say anything,
I wouldn't say anything, just cause I'd be interested to see what or if they do anything without being prompted. That will give you their true feelings about it.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Only a stepparent can really
Only a stepparent can really know the joys and heartaches involved. Birthparents bond instantly with their child and we have to earn that. Yes, it is worth it, and the bond with your step-grandchildren is heavenly because they do not judge. That is when you find and feel the unconditional love of children.
It is worth every forgotten holiday and heartache in between. And yes, I am crying now, because my stepsons forgot me again this Mother's day (not every Mother's day was like this), but the bond with my grandchildren fills my heart.