and BM doesn't acknowledge me unless it's to throw an insult my way. DH just ignores the insults and communicating via email allows us to keep a record on her.

I have mixed feelings about this issue. SHOULD she acknowledge you? Yes, it would be the right thing to do. However, because it's just your DH's email account, she probably doesn't think she has to in email. I'd say leave the email account alone. But the next time all 3 of you are at an event for the skids, make sure you're sitting next to DH. That way, if she comes up to him, you can say, "Oh, hi, BM!" That way she can't pretend you don't exist anymore.

Another thing about her pretending you don't exist- maybe she feels like she's being the "bigger person" by doing this. Maybe she feels that, as far as you go, she's abiding by the adage "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything."

as well as on the phone. DH refuses to listen to me or include me in any decisions involving Skids. He received a phone call from the psycho ex this morning telling him to call SS's recruiter because he didn't receive all the ribbons SS thinks he deserved at military graduation. The SS is 20 YEARS OLD! I was furious with DH for not saying anything to psycho ex and for not setting boundaries with that !@#$%^& witch after all this time. He sits there, lets her bark her orders this morning then says, "ok, I'll contact the recruiter". DH couldn't understand why I was mad at him. I told him that SS is 20 years old and he should be contacting HIS recruiter himself not DH! I also said that he should have told psycho ex the same thing and to also STOP CALLING HIM! DH just sat there and said nothing. He's sneaky with his email, so if I suggested the joint email, he'd just verbally attack me and tell her to call him at work without me knowing. NO BOUNDARIES! BOUNDARIES! BOUNDARIES! I"M SO TIRED OF THIS SHIT!

Be kinder than necessary to everyone! We all have our battles.

There should never be communication with her that you don't know about. Why does he feel he has to be sneaky with is e-mail? If he has something to say to her and you shouldn't hear it, then he shouldn't be saying it. My DH doesn'y even talk to BM on the phone without me in the room, and that's by his choice. I would halt all communication with BM regarding SS20-skid is old enough to handle his own business.

Be kinder than necessary to everyone! We all have our battles.

We try to only communicate via e-mail or texting as well. i don't think texting keeps the record though, so if it's necessary just e-mail. We all seem to like it much better and you can edit what you say before you say it. Be cautious of what you write and print copies if you need and keep them where the kids can't see them. i print and put mine in the safe just in case the kids get into my e-mail. They don't need to be seeing any of it. Funny thing is BM never even e-mails DH, she knows I am the one who does all the talking and most of the decision making. Depending on the sitation, I will sign it from both of us or just me.

On a funny nasty note-soemtimes before I write her I will change my outgoing name to something that I know will bug her-I know I am being an ass but simetimes it's the only way to get to her without it looking bad to a judge.

DH & I set up another account that includes my entire name. I wanted her to see my name every time she opened an email. We only use it for her so it makes our documentation for the custody battle easier.

She tried to do the maniupilation with me thru email. But when I show her how much of an idiot she is she doesn't respond back.

Other than an email every know and then....they communicate by voicemail...and with her still thru the kids.

We always communicate by email. Every time BM calls DH to discuss a contentious issue or anything that involves plans, he says, "email me." We did this because BM would constantly change plans at the last minute and say that DH had agreed to it. Now, she says, "I said XYZ!" and we have a record that she didn't say any such thing, and we can send back her message and prove to her that she didn't.

My DH also only emails because that way he can discuss any matter that affects our household with me before making a decision. On the phone, she tries to bully him into things, but she can't do that in email. The other reason we only do email is that this way, I can reply to her, and she doesn't know it's me. (She refuses to deal with me because I fight back when she insults me.)

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

It was always so easy for BM to claim "I didn't say that" to her lawyer, a judge, etc... It was a constant case of "He said - She said"...

That's when DH put his foot down, and all communication with her is via email. BM didn't think DH was serious about it, until she sent some rather scathing emails, that contained a ton of lies, accusations, and name calling, to DH. This was about 2 weeks before a court appearance. Talk about stoooopid! She was quite surprised that DH would include these emails in his affidavit... Needless to say, the judge was not amused. At all.

After that, she figured she'd get SD6 to phone DH, and start saying all kinds of nasty things to him (could hear her in the background telling SD what to say). Unknown to her, we recorded EVERY phone call (and yes, this was legal as SD is a minor, and DH is her parent too). Imagine her surprise when her lawyer received a copy of the calls (both and audio file we burned onto a cd for the lawyers, and a typed copy - we had the calls transcribed and noterized), along with a letter from our lawyer telling him that he better get his client to knock it off, or the voicemails would be forwarded to the jusge. That ended the phone harassment.

She now knows that DH will not tolerate her crap.

BM rarely contacts us, unless its about money or insurance (her son is covered by my DH through military). Everytime se calls, she ges the vmail, she leaves her problem on there & I email her back with the answer. Thats it! Works well for us, I guess because neither side wants to speak to the other.

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

He uses his Mother as the intermediary for any communication.

I would not go with a joint e-mail account to communicate with the BM. Not so much to avoid baiting the bear but more from a professional appearance perspective. Keep it professional and it will likely not come back to bite you in court if BM or your DH take it to court in the future.

The only time I speak directly with one of THEM is when they get out of hand and are disrespectful to my wife. When the pull that crap I will get on the other hand set and let them know in no uncertain terms that if they do not immediately stop with the abusive disrespectful attacks on my wife that they can either speak directly to me or to our attorney. It is their call.

At that point they change their attitudes in a hurry because my wife is far more accommodating than I am and every time attorneys get involved they whine and cry about how much it costs. It costs us just as much as it costs them, probably more since we use good attorneys, but we don't whine and cry about it because or sole motivation is the best interest of the Skid.

Best regards,

Last year, I suggested to BM and BF communicate only via email cause everytime they talked on the phone BM would start in on BF about stupid stuff that did not matter and all the fights and anger were affecting my family and I was not about to let BM's crap mess with my home. So far it has been working well, except when BF calls BM out on something she has done that is stupid she will not respond. Oh well!

I wish I could communicate with my EH only via email then I would have to listen to him be rude and nasty to me all the time.

BM used to email DH more, but she doesn't have access to a computer really, so she calls every once in a while. DH usually lets it go to VM when it is her, but she keeps changing her phone number, so he doesn't know it's her when he answers.

We tried counseling with her a few years ago, but then her crazy kicked into over drive and DH cut off verbal communication all together for about a year. It was heaven! BM is obnoxious! You can hear her across the room when she calls.

Since BM has BPD, she is almost impossible to speak to rationally. My friends think I make this stuff up and that this can't be real and it really can't be that hard to have a normal informative conversation with someone. Wrong! IT is just easier to have as little communication as possible. She calls to pick fights with DH and she gets mad because he shuts her down and she doesn't get her way.