Well, so much for Valenties Day....once again, H proves to be who he is
So, Valentines Day. Hmmm. Sat. H wanted me to drive to the apartment to spend valentines (intentionally not capitalized) with him.
But first, while I was getting ready for the trip (4 hour drive), he calls. Says he wants to buy a Ford Bronco-older one-to restore. Knowing if I said what I thought of it, I just said "whatever". So, in addition to the toolbox and tools he bought himself last week, he is spending $1,000 on this old vehicle.
Then he said, look up the phone number - Can I order flowers for my daughters? I paused just for a second-he's transitioning from a vehicle he want to buy to flowers, and it took just a second to transition it. Then, as I didn't immediately rattle off the number for him he starts screaming. Screaming again. Screaming because, HE DOESN'T WANT TO HAVE TO ASK ME ABOUT ANYTHING-like the vehicle, like the flowers. I said discussing things is part of marriage. He says "I don't care. I don't like it and never will". So I said guess you should've thought about that before you asked me to marry you. And on and on it went.
So, with a heavy heart, I drove 4 hours to the apartment. Now H knows I love Red Lobster. Thought perhaps we would go out for at least a semi-romantic supper. Of course, Friday nite he already ate Red Lobster with his neice and her husband (who is also his boss).
I get to the apartment-he's still at work. There are a couple of gifts on the bed. He arrives, tells me to open them. They're nice enough-a neglige and a necklace. BUT he tells me the necklace was $300.00. Well, girls, I know jewelry, and that was no $300 necklace. Not that I asked, not that I cared. More about that in a couple of paragraphs. I thank him profusely.
Then he says-hurry up, we gotta go. Thought maybe he was taking me shopping or something before supper. Nope. Wrong again. He was taking me to a Mule Dear Foundation fundraiser-that his company had paid for, so it was free! Along with his neice and her husband (who have been married for 25 years).
We arrive. To those of you who are into hunting-no insults intended here. But it's in like a gymnasium (sp). Full of rifles, moose heads, knives, camoflauge stuff. Stuff they were auctioning off. Not only is this the first Valentines Day of our marriage, I am pretty close to being an animal rights activist. The women there were all in camo. Few wore makeup. I'm girly girl type. This was my valentines evening. We were there for 5 hours. Drove back to the apartment. Went to bed.
Me, still very hurt. I know this marriage is a sham. I know that. But somewhere inside of me something was hoping he would at least show a little love for me, a little consideration. He takes himself out for lobster the nite before, takes me for a free meal at this alien auction for Valentines Day.
So, Sunday, he's getting ready to go to work. Wanting to get done so he can go pick up that Bronco he bought himself. And I bring up the necklace. I said, "if you paid $300.00 for this, that's very sweet, but I don't need a $300.00 necklace, and we could return it and get a new hot water heater."
There's where the lie comes in - he then admitted it didn't cost him $300.00. He got it "on sale". Yep. I know where it came from, and saw the sale bill, and it was less than $100.00.
The point is, I didn't care, that it wasn't $300.00. I didn't ask him in the first place how much it was. He is the one who brought it up. He's the one who said "See how much you mean to me? I spent $300.00 on this necklace for you".
Why would he do that? It just made everything hurt worse-that he would lie over a stupid necklace?
So he spent $1400.00 on himself in the last 10 days. And I get taken to a free meal for valentines day. Nice, huh?
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BW....you have GOT
to get away from that wretched excuse for a human being! He is awful! You know you deserve better DONT YOU???? HUGS girl!
bw
this is terrible, I wish there were some words I could say that would make you feel better.
but you know the truth now and that is a start to your new life.
it does not include a selfish SO!!
hugs hugs and double hugs
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
WTF
He doesnt deserve you, and I do not know you personally, but that Valentines day was an insult, why lie about a necklace?? because he knew he was giving you the shaft.
5 hours at Camo world,,Yike how did you control yourself,? I cant stay more then 40 minutes at Outdoor World and they have a women's department.
Tell him you want to return the necklace so you and 1 girlfriend can go to Red Lobster,
That guy needs a serious wake up call
He sounds
like he is an ego maniac and has to much pride in himself.He needs to get off his high horse.I agree with borbor go and return necklace and go to red lobster with a friend.Take him down a notch!!!
I actually called an attorney - the one I think has some
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
backbone, on Friday. However, his secretary informed me that he doesn't do divorce consultations-that before he will take on a client he needs a minimum $5,000 retainer fee!
So I tried to call legal aide...could not get thru. I'll try again tomorrow, as today is a holiday.
I did try to make a few indications to his niece about how unhappy I am. While we were sitting at the fund raiser dinner, I mentioned to her that this was our first valentines day as a married couple (oh, when we were dating he went all out for VD). She looked at her husband and said "I don't remember what we did our first VD, but I'm sure it wasnt a mule deer foundation auction".
When I arrived at the apartment, I noticed the framed photograph I gave him of our wedding pic was still not up in his room. I gave it to him at Christmas.
So I brought that up, right in front of his niece and her husband.
So she says, "Well, there have been alot of guys staying at the apartment-he probably just didn't want any personal photos out".
I responded with "No, that's not it, because he has a framed picture of the girls on his dresser".
So then she says "Well, if it makes you feel any better, my DH doesn't have one of us either".
So I asked "Did you give him one?"
She said, "Well, no, I didn't".
Soooo, when we got back, H tried to sneak the picture up and put it on top of his TV. I saw him do it. I go into the room, and said oh, I see you put our picture out. He then proceeded to tell me that I just didn't notice it earlier-it's been up the whole time.
Another lie. And I called him on it. I said no, I saw you sneaking it out of the pickup. He laughed. He thinks he's being "cute" with his lies.
So knowing how glibley he lies to me (about the stupid necklace, which I will now never ever wear, about the picture) how many other things is he lying to me about????
Yes, I know I deserve better. And I will get better. Because being alone is far better than this. The thought of another man, ever, turns my stomache. It took me 15 years to muster up the courage to marry again after my first husband, and his sociopathic behaviour. This time I'm ruined for the rest of my life.
My ex lied to me all the
My ex lied to me all the time. His excuse was that he knew I would eventually find out and then I wouldn't be so mad about it because it was "old". The only problem with that theory is the trust issue. He didn't understand that part. Eventually, too many lies, both large and small.....needless to say his ability to lie so frequently made him an ex. After I left him, there were some things that he "omitted" from telling me that were really bad that came out. Course, to him they weren't lies because I didn't ask him about them. But, he was hiding the truth, which means lying to me. So, you don't know what your dh is really hiding from you. Men who lie about the stupid stuff will most likely be hiding major stuff as well. I don't think that you will be ruined, you are just hurt. After some time of healing, who knows how long you will need, I think that you will be doing great regardless of whether you have a man in your life or not.
not ruined
smarter!!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
You not ruined!!
Dont let any man make you feel ruined. You made a mistake, we all do and alot of us here on this site are on our second and third marriage.
My sister first marriage only lasted a year, she knew it was not going to get better. I stay in my first marriage for 10 years and the first year of marriage I knew it was not right. I think it takes alot of self respect and courage to get out of a marriage early on, because most women think that it will only get better in time.
Their are lot of good men you just have to look within yourself as to why you are attraced to certain types and then change for the better,
This guy is lier, he will always lie.
Find the legal aide, and I sure you will be much happier later on....
So what did you get him for
So what did you get him for Valentine's Day? What did you plan for him?
Bewitched it just seems to get worse for you
This also makes me so sad for you. This man is about as far from worthy of you and your love as he could possibly be. I'm disgusted and saddened by his lies, manipulation, anger and lack of emotion for you. I worry what this is doing to you, and hope finding a way out is just around the corner for you.
Hugs!
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
OH BW....
You are soooo not ruined! You have inspired me to go back to school...cause if you can do it with your jackass of a DH, then I can do it with my wonderful one. You should NOT feel ruined!!!!
No way are you ruined, BW
JamaicanMeCrazy
DISNEY LIED...THERE IS NO 'HAPPILY EVER AFTER'
You are NOT the one who is a piece of crap here - he is. The lies, the sneakiness and his cheapskate attitude towards you - girl you deserve so much better. I don't know you personally either, but from your previous posts you sound like way too decent of a woman to have to put up with a man who treats you like something stuck on the bottom of his shoe. I know how hard it is to trust someone after being in a bad relationship - you waited a long time and it really hurts to go through it again, but sometimes you just gotta cut your losses and get the hell out for your own sanity. I'm so sorry you're going through this again - but please don't think of yourself being ruined because you aren't. What doesn't kill us usually makes us stronger (and smarter). Hugs to you, BW...we're all here for you.
I've been to that dinner!
Well, one like it. And now I'm ashamed to say, I took a friend on her birthday. I had to go for work to the rotary club's wild game dinner and I took my nearly vegetarian friend as a diversion for her birthday because her husband was planning a surprise party for her. I asked her if she wanted to go and she said yes, so that was our way of getting her out of the house.
She was so thrilled with her party. She's been married for nearly 10 years and this was the first time her H had ever thrown her a party. And to think, I used to believe her H was a total a$$.
I'm so sorry about your vday. It seems with the emotional roller coaster this man seems to be riding on it's hard not to hope for something good and decent out of him occasionally. But every time, he just seems to surprise you with more and more callousness. I hope you can find a lawyer soon. In the meantime, try not to get too down on yourself. Remind yourself of how well you're doing in school and that you will come out of this on top and very, very far from ruined.
For CJ-so, what did I get him for Valentine's Day
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
Well, as I didn't think I'd be seeing him, I gave him his last weekend. I have him a beautiful card, a huge box of his favorite chocolates, two belts (his evidently no longer fit), and we decided the toolbox and tools he bought that weekend and during the week would be his valentines.
then he gave himself the Bronco.
And I drove 4 hours there and 4 hours back to be with him on Valentines day. Left home at 10:00 Sat., got there at 2:00, left there at 10:30 Sun. got home at 2:30 Sun.
Now then, CJ, hope that answers your question. Does that seem adequate?
hahahaha BW!
I like that response to CJ. funny.
Well I have a questions, will you be my valentine? Please?? LOL!
I think I like you more than he does anyways!
Just kidding. Hang in there kiddo, you're going to make it.
I actually had to come back and edit this because I'm in shock that the whole night wasn't about his oldest daughter. How did that happen? Didn't he want to take her to dinner, or buy her gifts, I know how he is so this amazes me.
Bewitched
Ditch him. He's a putz.
Oh, jen, he didn't forget SD17
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
I just didn't mention it. He sent her roses. Because, you see, it was his weekend to work, so he didn't drive home. And of course, he couldn't have her drive up. After all, she has school. And he would never expect her to suffer thru 5 hours of that auction. So he sent her roses. And then was upset all evening because she didn't call to thank him.
All evening. Between listening to the auctioneers auction off rifles and guns and knives and elk heads and deer lamps, I got to hear about how devastated he was that SD17 hadn't called him. Fun, huh?
But he glowingly reported to me on Sunday that she called and thanked him. He was so very proud. Of course she called him. She had to tell him all about renting the County Club, and how she'd need a check from him this coming weekend and blah blah blah.
BW, I can only say...
take this VD weekend as yet ANOTHER example of his true feelings for you...
...and how he treated his precious SD17 (ROSES to his teenage daughter? that's just sickening!)
AND finish your classes and get the HELL OUT OF THERE!!!!
YOU deserve SO much better than this horrible, awful, man.
You will come out out this so much stronger and better, BW.
WE all BELIEVE in you!
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
I go back and forth with myself-finish class, or finish him
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
but I had a loooong talk with my sis, who is much wiser than I. Her recommendation? At least finish the A&P. Because if I start legal proceedings now, I'll not finish it. (one of the points made to me before I even started-was do not get a divorce while taking A&P. In fact, they said do not start a new job while taking A&P, do not move while taking A&P, do not get married while taking A&P-anyway, you get the picture).
I figue I'll be finished, no unforeseen interruptions, a little early, maybe the the end of April. So that's just going to continue to be my focus for at least the next two months, and then I'll try to figure out where to go from there.