correct me if i am wrong
Correct me if i am wrong----once i marry the kids father doesn’t that make me their legal guardian? All so if they are living with me? if not then what the hell am i to them? a easy way out for their mother? i am sorry it frustrates me things about her .. like she says i am legal guardian when she needs something. its not right. but there is nothing i can do about it. i just feel i am at a loss when it comes to the role i play in the kids life. all the responsibility but none of the credit not that i want it .. i guess it would be nice to hear a thank you now and again.
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no it does
not. Well, at least not in my state, KY. You have to apply for guardianship, and the court has to approve it, which likely would not happen unless BM is gone AWOL.
we live in canada..i think
we live in canada..i think our rules are a bit different but not totally sure
I dont think just because
you are married to their father makes you their legal guardian. I think thats somthing that the courts has to do. Not unless you have went through the courtsystem and they have granted you status of legal guardian. My dear you are probably like the rest of us here, babysitter/nanny/transporter/etc...I hope im wrong for you but Im most certain marriage doesnt make you legal guardian.
You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.
Sir Winston Churchill..
You could call
you local government and ask them..
You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.
Sir Winston Churchill..
no
NO. You are not the legal guardian.
your role
Figuring out your role in your stepkids life may never really become clear! I mean figuratively of course, not legally. Legally the people above are right - you are not automatically anything to those kids unless a court names you as such. I get upset whenever I think too hard about what in the world I actually am to this child...when I think about the fact that (in my case) I AM THIS CHILD'S MOTHER. I DO EVERYTHING for this child and his mother does NOTHING - nothing financially, nothing in his upbringing, NOTHING), yet I have NO legal rights to this child. This is a fact I do my best to not think too hard about because it can make you CRAZY!!
And as for getting any credit for what you do - unfortunately mommy and daddy get that almost all the time...
Stepparenting is so hard and barely ever rewarding...I hope that you are able to find a way to be in this role and feel positive about it, I have been in this role for 3 years and I'm just starting to realize that I have been going about things all wrong and I need to re-evalute how I deal with my role.
I think you'll find this website helpful - I have finally found a few people who are in my shoes and it's very comforting.
Through her eyes she has
Through her eyes she has said on many occasions i am his guardian...but other times I m not it all depend on her mood i guess. and when things are going horrible with her and her bf then we have to pay for their problems...which i think she should deal with herself and not interfere us in them.....for instance: if they are fighting and her bf(boyfriend) leaves and goes out drinking... she seeks revenge on him and comes to our house drops my SS off with out even knowing if there is anyone home.:" our car was not in the driveway" and she just leaves. i didn’t even know she was there or dropped him off i was in folding laundry in our room. my Husband finally gets a hold of her and asks why she didn’t even check if anyone was home. she stated "her and her Bf are fighting and she is going out to get drunk." my husband and i don’t even drink" thought i should through that in the mix as well for yous to get a better thought of how we are.
ohh this will better inform you of her and her bf
he was outside of their apart waving a gun around and shooting it off she called us and said come get the kids he’s gone mad. we called and had them taken to a safe spot till we could get there. we called the cops. so it is documented.
my SS was acting up and wouldn’t listen to them. which happens with us as well but we do not act in the manner they do....
her bf held him upside down spanked him told him he was to sleep in the hall way for acting like that.
another time he put Tabasco sauce on his lips...My SS called hysterical screaming to us about what they did.
I truly fear for my SS's life and how living with her will affect his life in the long run.
we on the other hand use time outs/ standing in the corner/ and take away toys from him. and if all else fail we make him write lines out. and if he doesn’t do that hen he is stood in the corner for 15mins then asked if he was going to write the lines and if not he is back in the corner. that is the most affective
for us.
The truth is that legally
you aren't anything to those kids. If DH was say to die BM would get the kids and you would never see them again unless BM allowed it.
She's only using the "you are their Legal guardian" line to get you to do things that she wants. Legally you aren't anything to those kids
well i am truly fed up with
well i am truly fed up with her Bull... i will just stop doing her Motherly things and she will see what caring for her kids is truly like. oh and did i forget to mention i looked after her kids for 4 years before all of this started then i moved out of province for 3 years moved back and came to find out they split up for a year. she was with someone else before they split and now they were dating. my husband and i starting seeing each other kept it in the dark for a bit then told the kids and they were so excited about it. then she found out and all hell broke lose... i am guessing she can do it but he cant? no how it works in life but i will let her think what she wants.
awhile after us dating we got engaged and was to be married..august23rd 08 we were married and it has been hell form the get go with her.. i am losing my mind and who i am...
there was nothing wrong with
there was nothing wrong with the way i cared for her kids then why all of a sudden is it such a problem?
not in my state of CA
My DH and I have custody of my SDs. However, I'm not their legal guardian- that's my DH's role. Does it bug me? Yes and no. One one hand, these kids aren't biologically mine. On the other hand, I do their laundry, cook their meals, transport them to their activities and friends houses, get them off to school, help them on their homework (when they ask me to), and take care of them when they're sick. Their BM "has" them EOW but pawns them off to her relatives and friends so she can have a good time. She even had the nerve to tell my DH to his face that if she couldn't have custody of the kids because she wouldn't be getting his $$$$$ anymore, it's not worth spending time with them. Sad.
What are YOU as a stepmom?
You are:
a chauffeur, a maid, a cook, a personal shopper, a homework assistant, a nurse, a project builder, question-answerer, a problem-solver, a disciplinarian, and all other things that I forgot to mention that a "real" mother does...
But remember, as the BM will tell you often (if not through your SO), you are NOT THEIR MOTHER, so you are only the BABYSITTER in the event their father is not in the home...
ALL your actions and nonactions, what you say to her children and even what you don't say, will be closely scutinized and criticized by both her, her children, AND your SO.
And when the relationship comes to and end, either through divorce or death...it's OVER, because most of the times, the children really didn't want anything to do with you ANYWAY. Your job ends when the relationship ends.
There...feel better?
I know I certainly DON'T!
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
Unfortunately...
Us steps have no legal rights as defactos or marriage.
There was a law passed in GA
about seven-eight years ago that says if you have been married for 5 years or longer and your spouse dies you do get visitation rights with your step kids. You will have to go to court, but that is the law that you'd win with. Wich, wow. DH and I have been married for only 2, together for 3, but I can't stand the thought of never seeing SD 14 again.
I would have to kidnap her.
Anyone know where to research this info?
JamaicanMeCrazy
DISNEY LIED...THERE IS NO 'HAPPILY EVER AFTER'
We live in Illinois and my SD lives with her Gparents; on one occasion her g'ma took her to the hospital for a basic lab test and the hospital wouldn't allow g'ma to authorize the test; they couldn't reach DH, so the hospital called me. I declined stating I was 'only' the SM (however,if it had been an actual emergency, I wouldn't have had a problem allowing treatment, but if I had ok'd it, the BM would have had a cow!) I told the hospital to call the BM. DH has full custody of SD, but does that mean BM doesn't have the authority to ok medical procedures, piercings, school documents or anything that requires a parents signature? It's a real dilemma - damned if you do, damned if you don't.
DH recently lost his job and now we're dealing with no insurance on the SD - since she's my SD, I don't believe I can add her to my insurance where I work.