Followup to the blowup...Do we ever get to be in the same loop as the EW?
So we tried to settle things the other day. I stayed over and we talked and things settled down...although he was still salty with me which I thought wasn't fair. It was his bad, not mine but he was way crabby with me. So I said, want me to go home? And he was like, No I want you here all the time [Why, so you can pout at me???] Anyways, we got a semi-decent night sleep...and of course yesteday we had our little drama with him not coming to work...which turns out he went to pick the boys up from BM's house to drop them early at camp and then go the his lawyer for an early meeting about the will, etc. So all is ok on that front.
But then last night he's running around like crazy while I'm at my condo. I was having car issues, and wasn't goign to be coming over so I could see about finding a new car...mine's ready to die. But dh is off running boys to two different baseball diamonds at two different times, oh no sorry, three different times because of a rain delay. So he's very busy.
I asked him why the boys were with him tonight since on my copy of "their"(the one he and EW have) schedule it says Ew's house...and my dh is all like, "oh well we switched...it happened suddenly..." blah blah blah. Now, I don't mind having the boys around-I never have! BUT, why am I never in the same damn loop as him and EW???!!!! I can feel my blood boiling even now. We, him and I, are supposed to be a team but it's alway him and ew being a team. I know they're just co-parenting...I get that. What fries my a** he doesn't just phone/text me to say hey i'm taking the boys tonight. Do I not rate? Do I not count for anything? Can't I just for once be treated like an actual human being who exists and lives and breathes??? Would it be so damn much to say one simple damn sentence to me "I'm taking the boys tonight." He has no excuse and that's why I'm mad!!!!!! Its not like I've ever refused them or said two words about these switcheroos...I've towed the line everytime without a single peep, without a single complaint...but damn it, as god is my witness I will not be left out of the loop ever again!!!
So what if I leave him out of my loop? What if I do things w/o him and then say "oh I forgot to tell you..." or "Oh I forgot, I thought we'd talked about it..." or my favorite "Oh I didn't think to tell you because it wasn't a big deal and it was a last minute thing.." LOL
I absolutely hate playing games...i thought i gave them up in highschool, but apparently i have to play them with this guy to get him to think about me. Which makes me wonder why am I bothering to be with him??????
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awful
i know how u feel i used to get so mad when he used to agree to have them over night without asking me especially when i got ill my ill ness m akes me very tired and just need to chill and he does not controll his kids what so ever lets them speak to every one like shite so as u can guess i did not like having them around what so ever they where so rude he let them stay up until about 2 in the morning they where not quiet so as you can guess i was very very tired by this point and ratty. so as you can guesss when i was left out of the plan this was worse feelign liek you have no choice of what goes on in your own home especially since its my flat not his
well theres my ramble over hahaha
life is a box of choclates you never know what your going to get (i always pick the coffe of the box what about you )
The custody doesn't involve
The custody doesn't involve you, it's between DH and EW and that in and of itself is the problem. Even when you're married he probably won't ask or tell, he'll just do what EW asks. I'd be thinking about a nice, frank talk with him... telling him how you feel. It doesn't seem to be living up to your expectations of how an equal partnership works, and it should. Marriage is based on a lot of things, but most importantly... trust
~Light travels faster than sound, that's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak!~
very true that
but i feet like it should invole me as it was me that let him move in with me was my flat and he hardly paid anything towards it
life is a box of choclates you never know what your going to get (i always pick the coffe of the box what about you )
See thats the problem =( He
See thats the problem
He should include you in everything as it's supposed to be joint effort, parenting and relationships and if he's not including you... well you have to figure out what you want, and need and if your wants and needs are being met. Don't be confrontational because it'll probably end up in an arguement... also however it IS your place, and you're under no obligation to continue to allow him to stay... if you know what i mean
We all wonder on occasion what we're doing with someone, but if you find yourself thinking it all the time, maybe it's not the right relationship. It's hard to let go of someone you've become used to and you like, or love, and sometimes it doesn't work right (i should tell you about my psycho ex BF lol) but if it truely isn't the right relationship then don't trp either of you in it... thats how divorces are made instead of happy, loving, single families
~Light travels faster than sound, that's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak!~
it changes but stays the same
I have been with FH for over 5 yrs and I still deal with being left out of the loop. lilteapot I hear those lines "Oh I didn't think to tell you because it wasn't a big deal and it was a last minute thing, oh it just came up or I just found out or I didnt know it was going to be..." man how I hate that.
sometimes FH is good at letting me know what and when but, if he thinks I might be upset (like the time at Xmas when we were told to drop kids off at ex's sister's house OUT of the way and not our responsiblity) I get that line "it just came up or I didnt know the kids just told me" line UGH!!
ex will always have some control how much is determined by DH and your tolerance levels...
good luck!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
i had to laugh a little
because that's what my dh said last night verbatim!LOL
"I didn't tell you because it was a last minute thing...I didn't know until the last minute...."
Sounds like I'd better keep my sense of humor LOL
I could have written your post Lil' teapot
I know exactly how you feel. I am SO sick of ALWAYS being left out of the loop. I have expalined this to Dh, tried to get him to understand how I feel and he just doesn't get it. I have been at this for 5 yrs now. Five years of watching Dh and bm figure things out and never knowing what the hell is going on in my own GD house.
Just yesterday I was informed by sd that her dad was going to buy the bm an xmas gift from the skids. Of course, Dh never let me know. I assumed we were, I mean we have every year since we have been together in this house and it is not like I care but I would like to know that I get to go buy bm a gift from someone other than sd. And I do have to say it chaps my ass that sd says her DAD is going to buy the gift. It is OUR money, not his and he isn't making any money right now anyway so I guess that it is MINE. So I got the distinct pleasure of buying the first gift of the season for bm. Hoo-f-ing-ray. It is like Dh and I live two seperate lives and he doesn't get it or maybe he just doen't care.
Sorry, I guess that just hits a sore spot. I hope you have better luck getting your's to listen that I have with mine.