Got in a little hot water with the Bride this evening.
My SS calls Tuesday and informs us that his last final exam is on Wed after next and he would like for us to rebook his flight to fly home on Thus rather than Fri from boarding school. The posted finals schedule is clear that the kids can leave after their last final and that Thus is make up day for any missed finals or rescheduled tests.
My wife asked me if I think it is a good idea to keep the current flights or rebook them for an day earlier. I asked which day finals were over and was told Thurs. My answer was to fly him home Fri because we should not risk that he miss a test. It did not dawn on me that his last exam is scheduled for Wed since we had originally discussed dates which I usually need a calendar to get correct more than a week out.
Tonight she asks me if I think we should fly him home on Wed. I gave the same answer as last time. She asked again so thinking that there must be something I am missing I asked a few clarifying questions and learned which days of the week we were talking about rather than the dates. With that clarity I asked if our son had checked with all of his teachers to determine if he needed to stay through Thursday to take any rescheduled or missed tests. The boy has a bad habit of telling us that he did something that he did not as far as turning in assignments or getting tutoring, etc.... I just wanted to make sure he was not at risk of failing a class because he pulled his usual behaviors.
I was under the impression that the issue stopped there until we had more information. I was wrong. About an hour later it dawned on me that there had been significant amounts of loud cleaning (a sure sign that Rags has screwed up) and a few obvious tight jawed glares thrown in my direction. Being male I asked what was wrong and confirmed my dog house status when the answer was "nothing". Most men will understand the tone of voice that she used when delivering that one word answer. At that point I made my usual nearly fatal error of not accepting "nothing" and pushed for the real answer. The real answer is that she felt I kept flip flopping on whether or not we should change his flights. I told her that I had not flip flopped but had adjusted my answer when I gained more information and clarity. Stupid Rags, Bad Rags. That was absolutely the wrong thing to say apparently
After an fairly extended time of tight jawed loud cleaning the discussion continued. Eventually she told me that he wanted him home a day earlier which was apparently what she wanted me to say. She did not come to me and say "the kid finishes his finals on Wed and I want him home ASAP". If she had would have said go ahead and change the tickets. Instead she asked me my opinion which I gave her.
Do any other guys have this type of issue with their spouses or am I the only idiot male on the planet who can not pick up on the subliminal communications that all women seem to poses and use?
Thanks in advance for any feedback. I could use some clarity from the ladies too.
Best regards,
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Comments
Geez, Rags...that was actually pretty darn good
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
Very insightful, that.
SHE WANTED YOU TO WANT TO CHANGE THE FLIGHT AND WANT HIM HOME EARLY TOO!
There. I hope I did not speak to loudly.
Also, at least in my current relationship, if I am CLEANING LOUDLY and say THERE IS NOTHING WRONG, it generally means there is something very wrong, but leave me the he11 alone about it until I have calmed down!
Not to say your beautiful bride feels the same. That is my method of communication. Hers may be entirely different.
In all, I'd say you do a pretty good job, generally. So keep trying. I personally don't see where men have so much time understanding. After all, when I see that little muscle start to twitch on the side of a mans face, I generally know it's time to quit-leave the "discussion" for another time.
Buy her some flowers and
Buy her some flowers and take her out for dinner at her favorite restaurant. Then apologize again and tell her that you misunderstood the situation. But most important tell her you love her.
I can relate!!!
LOL...Rags...I love your way with words...See now..I deal with that brand of stuff from my husband..In some ways the traditional roles are reversed..He is very much the emotional one in our marriage and the conversation your described is played out alot in our home with me being the "bad rags"..LOL.. It drives me nuts because I am just very upfront and to the point in my communication and don't understand why he can't be...It's almost like I am expected to take a mind reading pill every morning..I feel for ya!!
I only wish my DH would go into a house cleaning frenzy every time I did something to piss him off...LOL...
In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities.disgusted
Ive had discussions with my
Ive had discussions with my wife and I try to explain that I never was very good at mind reading. If you want something from me dont drop 'hints' then get made that I didnt interpret them properly.
Dont ask me if I want to take SD to her dance class. Of course I dont want to driver her there... sit around and bring her back. You CAN ask me to take her as you have had to do X Y and Z and you would appreciate it if I would it.
Whenever I pick up on the negative vibe, I start to wonder WTF I did this time.
She may ASK to give you the
She may ASK to give you the opportunity to be nice. Most women would appreciate you doing something for her without her having to ask, offer once in awhile. Or maybe she doesn't want you to feel obligated or feel bad if you decide to say no, so instead of asking you to do it for her she asks if you want to...that way you're not saying no to something she asks of you, you're saying no to wanting to do it.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Poor Rags.
Poor, poor rags!
I can relate to the wifey though. When I get very upset, I don't like to express it very often. So when DH rubs on me the wrong way, I give the typical silent treatment and distract myself by cleaning our toilets. I can't clean just anything when I'm upset... I have to clean toilets because for some reason seeing a sparkling clean toilet calms my nerves.
Annnnnywaaaay.
With DH, he's like you and is very upfront about things. He's the "There's a problem? What is it? Tell me so I can fix it" kind of guy.
I suggest to surprise her. Have dinner ready for her when she comes back home from work... or leave a trail of rose petals into the bedroom to give her a massage.
It doesn't have to be anything extravagant... just something to let her know how much you love her and appreciate her and how sorry you are for the slight miscommunication.
I'm a cleaner too
and I avoid looking at DH when I'm pissed at him. He gets the silent treatment from me but I feel like I'm a very upfront person when I feel the need to communicate with DH. His problem is that he can't answer a straight question. He does this so that he is never the one to blame. He always wants the blame to be on someone other than him. This infuriates me to no end. Usually it's a yes or no question. Another thing that really ticks me off is his need to joke about everything. When I am trying to communicate with him, he turns it into a joke. DH even pissed his therapist off by always turning every question he asked him into a joke. I hate that!
Maybe your wife is PMSing too. I always get more pissed at DH when that is going on.
"OCD sucks"
Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to destroy.
--Henri de Lubac
Bewitched, hit the nail on the head!
She wanted YOU to WANT him home ASAP too! Woman are strange creatures. I have to agree. BUT I do the same things to my DH.
We had this type of "discussion" at my house, very early in our marriage. We were sitting down in the living room after all the kids were asleep. We were just chatting. I mentioned how much I would LOVE to have a baby. He gave me his opinion...which included how much work, money, and effort that would be...on top of the four kids we have (2 mine/ 2 his). Also the youngest is already 8 and we would be "starting over at the diaper stage again". He concluded his opinion with "but if you really want a baby, we can do it". Holding back tears, I got up and retired to the bedroom and cried, because he obviously "did not love me" and "thinks I am a terrible mother". He loved his first wife more and probably still loves her...etc. etc. etc. (I just got more emotional and irrational from there). My poor DH just had a look of utter and complete shock on his face. According to him I was "freaking out after he said OK to my question". But in FEMALE language: I WANTED HIM TO WANT IT!!! Not to tell me - sure if thats what you want.
Men and woman are SO different.LOL!
"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.
LOL..
My DH & I have been thru- stuff like this before, and I have come to understand that he does not speak "girl", nor does he understand it, so some times I have to be a "man" about it, and ask direct questions, and demand a direct answer. He knows when I'm doing it too, and we usually have a good laugh over it now.
Give your Bride some love, and let her know now, that you do understand."~waiting on the world to change~"
Harley we have the same husband!
OMG I could have written your post. I will ask for things straight out and if any issue comes up hey let's talk about it now and clear the air, resolve the issue and move on. Nope my FH could work for the secret service. He can not give a straight answer I have to ask 10 question to just have him possibly answer the first one. Oh and of course he never wants to take responsiblity for this actions and is always trying to put the blame on someone else. Yesterday he did it to me about his house!!!
Anyways back to you Rags. Yeah when a woman says NOTHING - she has pretty much reached the point that you have to leave her alone for awhile (with me it is about 2 to 3 hours that I need of alone time so I don't rip your head off) and then you can approach her but you gotta be sweet - even though you don't feel that you did anything wrong - you gotta be honey I love you come here give me a hug. But I can relate to what you were saying about the kid because my own son is the same way. He will tell you one thing and then as the day wears on new information continues to pop up that he forgot to tell you and if you don't ask questions you never find out what is going on in your own household. I'm the same as you I will continually question something til I have the answer or I will call myself to get direct information. later ragsie!
I wanted him home ASAP also. I just know our son.
Right about the time when he has me thinking he is finally getting a clue he will have a sever flare up of Cranio-Rectitis and shove his head firmly up his ass.
So, I just wanted to make sure that we did not have him get off of the plane for Christmas break to much pride and fanfare from his parents only to get his grades a week later with a big red F on the report card because he missed a rescheduled final. I am absolutely confident that he will not directly discuss it with his teachers to get the information he needs to minimize the risk of bringing him home on Thurs VS Fri.
The response posts cracked me up. My wife also has a hard time with the yes or no questions. I rarely get a yes or no answer. I get a lot of "That would be Ok" and "Well Maybe" type answers. The one that really drives me nuts is when she gets mad at me for "defending yourself" when we are in a "discussion". If I do not think I am wrong I am not going to cop to being wrong. Fortunately for me I am rarely wrong.
JJOC. I am wrong plenty and learn more from being wrong than I ever have from being right.
The great news for me is that my Wife is an incredible lady and my soul mate. She can hang with me at just about anything including fighting. She is down right devious when we are arguing. But, she has gotten much better at it in the past ~15yrs. Now she fights just like I do. It sucks being bested at your own game! And she has one fight tool that I will never have. That female perspective thing.
Thanks to all for translating for me.
Best regards,