Headaches, Panic Attack, big time. No sleep last nite.
Tomorrow brings the anniversary of the worst day I've lived thru.
And the physical symptoms are mimicking the emotional ones. So tomorrow I will go to my parents, and get us thru the day, again.
It's like a nitemare. It was a real life nightmare. Dec. 5th, 2005 is the day my dear aunt died. I grew up playing in her yard with my cousins. She and my mom used to spend summer afternoons together, with us kids. She and my mom took care of my Grandmother, together. She was beautiful.Physically beautiful, with a dimpled smile, a cute laugh. And she was beautiful inside as well.
December 5th. It was a Sunday. I had spent the day taking my mom shopping out of town for snowboots. Came home, put up Christmas decorations, and was washing my hair when the doorbell rang. It was a man I knew casually-we always flirted with each other, but that's about it. When I answered the door, he asked if I'd talked to my aunt. No, I hadn't. Well, he said you might try calling her-I heard something on the police scanner (radio). I tried calling. The line was busy, but my uncle was always on the computer, so that's not unusual.
Then he told me what he'd heard. He'd heard there were shots fired, something had happened. He said he'd drive over there (small town) and see if all was ok, and let me know. I said no, I'll drive over myself. So he drove ahead, and I followed. It was so cold, so foggy out. Got to my aunt's house. Christmas decorations glowing in the dark-and police cars surrounding the place. An officer came out-I told him she was my aunt-what happened. She'd been murdered. She was dead. Shot down in cold blood. He (my uncle) was also dead. They did not know what had happened...Oh, God, this hurts. ...My friend followed me home-it was so foggy-I had to go tell my parents. He offered, bless his heart to go in and tell them with me, but I had to do it myself.
My parents just collapsed. My poor dad, I was so afraid it would bring on another stroke.
After staying with them for an hour or so, I left and went to the Sherriffs office, to see what, how could this have happened. How. They were an older, middle class couple. This is a little town. It seems my uncle murdered my aunt. then shot himself.
Telling my parents this...well, you all have Moms and Dads. You know how it had to have been. Dad was shaking so bad. Said he should've killed my uncle along time ago. When they were all younger, my uncle drank. Alot. He used to beat my aunt. He stopped when my dad told him if he ever did it again, he'd kill him. Of course, I didn't know alot of this..I was a child at the time, and it used to be that you didn't let kids know everything that went on in life.
My aunt died a horrible death, at the hands of the man she gave her life to. He was so jealous of her. He couldn't stand for her to go anywhere without him. He even tried to keep her and my mom apart.
I know this is not step-related, It is not parent related. But I needed to get my day over, so I can be there for my parents. tomorrow.
Thanks for listening.
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I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry for you loss.
December 5 is not a favorable day of mine either. Last year on that day one of my friends from high school killed eight people before killing himself at a mall. It was hard then as it is hard now and I know it's hard for you too. All we can do though is pray and think about all the wonderful memories we shared.
My prayers to you
I can only think that your aunt would have wanted you to remember the good times with her more than her untimely death at the hands of her husband.
I am so sorry that you and your parents have had to deal with this! My prayers are with you all.
I am so sorry to hear your story
Your Aunt's story is your story, your mother and father's story...everyone who knew and loved her. We have had more than our share of this in our town the past few years. The most famous case was Jesse Davis (pregnant mom murdered by her cop BF who was the father of both her two year old and the baby she was carrying.) I cannot imagine what you feel when that happens to someone you love.
I have done work for Domestic Violence Awareness Events. I so feel for you and your family. It's senseless and makes you so damn angry. I just don't get it. Never do. It is why I can have some respect for those who chose to end it, and don't chose to take anyone with them. I lost a dear friend to suicide in my twenties, and he would never have made that choice for another person. I remember a few years ago, reading about the woman who's exh came to her house while she was out for her morning walk. Her four kids were around 8 through 18. He went in and shot each one of them, oldest to youngest, then shot himself beside their youngest daughter. She came home from the walk to that.
I always think, how does someone move on from so much pain, and senseless loss?
I will recommend a book for you called Fearless Living by Rhonda Britton. She is a life coach. When she was around 14, her parents were divorcing when her father came to pick her up on Father's day, and shot her mother then himself in front of her. She was about 14 I think. She is very inspirational in that she has become someone who helps others through tragedy. For years after losing her parents so violently, she carried the guilt that she couldn't stop him, or take the bullet for her mom somehow. I imagine your father (his sister?) has the same guilt.
My heart is with you all today.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
It's such a different kind of grief
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
My grandparents have all passed. Most of my aunts and uncles, now that my parents are in their 70's. And they all died from natural causes. You miss them, but it's different, ya know?
With the violence, you get so much anger. And I think we all carried (carry) guilt. He (the uncle) of course was not blood related. She was actually my moms sister. But I remember when they were visiting my folks one afternoon, and he was talking about his meds (he was constantly popping pills), I told him he was addicted. The next time I saw them, his behavior was so aberrent, that I couldn't take it. I made an excuse and left.
I wish she had been able to talk to me about it. Maybe I could have helped. Maybe . But, as mom says, they are "old school" and do not air their personal problems. I feel sick, just sick that I did not go to her, get her to discuss it with me.
We all air our issues here-that's the good message. But, girls (guys too) I don't think I'll ever be able to get thru to Christmas without this sick feeling in me.
No. No therapy. I did get a Nun who does grief counseling
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
to talk to my folks. She saw them a number of times.
the therapy you mentioned sounds intriguing. I should call the MH clinic and see if the offer anything like that. What I did, was move. I stayed here a year after the event, just to see my folks thru the worst of it, and moved then to the beach for 9 months. then came back to get on with life...
I'm so sorry...
that you are going through this. The whole scene you wrote about was like reading a blog out of a movie. You poor thing having to be the first to tell your parents not to mention driving to the house surrounded by police. It would have been so hard for you.
Don't feel guilty that you didn't try to get your aunty to open up to you, she knew your mom and you were there for her and she would be watching over you now.
I will pray that you have the strength to get through this day with only happy memories of her in mind.
My thoughts and prays are with you hun.
))))))))))BIG HUGS((((((((((((((
This just broke my heart
I'm so sorry to hear about this. I don't even have the words to express to you and I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you and saying a prayer for you - for your situation and for your aunt. Even though time has passed I'm sure for you and your family you can remember all this like it was yesterday.
Aw, Dani, I'm ok. I just break down a little, pull back up. What
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
else are you gonna do?
The odd thing is-it was this very death that actually brought H and I together. We had been apart for months-in fact, I was in another relationship when this came to pass. The man I was dating, was amazingly cold about it all. Like freezer burn cold.
And here came H., riding in on his white horse, with sympathy, a listening ear, and hugs. Ironic, isn't it? Where's that guy now?
Aw well. Life goes on.
I have no idea where that
I have no idea where that knight and shinning armor of yours has gone he didn't deserve you from the start and certainly doesn't deserve you now. He obviously came back at a very vulnerable time for you and sucked you in when you were feeling low about your aunt. He needs a good hard kick up the you know what. Send him on a plane to me, I'll fix him the SD17 right up.
Hun, you don't need him anyway. We are all here for you during this hard time, so you just be selfish for a few days and concentrate on yourself and your parents.
my heart goes out to u on such a sad day
i have no words but wow...u will be in my thoughts, tomorrow especially. and thank u for opening up to share this w us. we all love u here and wish we could give u real hugs in person. until then, big cyber hugs chica...u need to be wrapped up in loving arms.
must be especially painful for u now knowing u cant turn to DH...shame on him for yet another reason...we all hate him here for the way he treats u!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Oh Bewitched, I can relate to this one...
The same thing happened to me last year with a friend of mine. He and his girlfriend had separated, and he had moved on with his life. She apparently didn't take it too well. She called him on Saturday morning saying that she needed to talk with him about something that concerned their daughter. He wasn't there five minutes and she shot him to death and then went into the bedroom where her baby was and killed herself. She left her child an orphan.
You're right. There is a lot of unresolved anger when someone (especially someone that you care for) dies senselessly like that. It's hard to get over something like that, and honestly, I'm still not over it. You just feel numb. I don't really have the words to convey to you on how to deal, other than talking about what she meant to you and all the happy times that you shared with her. She still lives on in you when you remember her. Please let me know if you ever want to talk about it. My heart goes out to you as well as you work through your day tomorrow.
Sorry to hear. I hope that
Sorry to hear. I hope that time begins to ease the pain from the wound.
my prayers are with you.
I don't know what to say, your story touches me on so many points that I can't get into right now, but my thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family as you work thru- this day together. May God give you all strength."~waiting on the world to change~"
So sorry,
Im so sorry bewitched...Her is a big hug for you..
In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities. disgusted
I'm very sorry bewitched,
I'm very sorry bewitched, losing a loved one to senseless violence is especially painful. I'll think of you today...
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
Bewitched, I am so very
Bewitched, I am so very sorry for you and your family. I do not know if you are a religious person but for me it always helps to go to church and light a candle in honor of the deceased. It helps give me a sense of peace believing that they are in a better place.
This time of year is difficult for my family as well, on 12/16/97 my 15 yr old cousin was killed by a drunk driver coming home from the mall where she had been Christmas shopping with her boyfriend and a couple of friends. There were 4 of them in the car and she and her friend's boyfriend were both killed.
My younger brother was also 15 at the time (they were born 4 days apart) and he was the one that got to see her everyday in school. He refused to go to the wake so on the day of the funeral my Mom and I had to basically force him to attend, we wanted him to get his chance to say goodbye. I will never forget seeing him breakdown and collapse upon walking into the funeral home sobbing - "why did you make me come - I didn't want to see her like this" - that image still haunts me today. He is still unable to talk about it today.
The eerie thing about her death was that she was named Diana, my aunt loved Princess Diana and since she was born the same year that she married Prince Charles, she was named after her. My cousin Diana died just 4 months after Princess Diana died in a car accident very similar to the one that killed her.
You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers today. Perhaps you and your parents could do something that you know your aunt would have enjoyed - like go to her favorite restaurant or visit a place she loved. Honor her and her memory and try to focus on the good times you all shared.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin
Bewitched, I am so
sorry for your loss and the continued grief that you and your family suffer. I will send positive thoughts and vibes to you today!