I am so ashamed-H is worthless
I just came in from spending the last hour nailing up boards on my parents fence. I am so ashamed. So ashamed of the "man" I married, who lives in this house rent free (right next door to my parents), but has not lifted one finger in the last 6 months to do anything to help keep their place up.
So I had tried to call H before I went over to work on mom's fence. No answer. Left the phone here, as it involved hammer and nails and no free hands. H calls, calls and calls, 8 times in the hour it took me. Leaves a nasty voicemail, because I did not pick up the phone and answer it.
Girls, I've reached the point. I hate him. there. it's out. I hate him. I am ashamed of him. He was here Wed., Thur, worked Frid., Sat. was off Sun. & Monday. Did not lift a finger. And here are my poor dear parents, with this fat slob for a son-in-law (my fault) who will not lift a finger to help them. I am so ashamed.
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Hugs
I'm so sorry you have to put up with a poor excuse for a human being. Don't blame yourself though... a lot of people fall into marriages like this and with time they truly see the person they married. It's an awful reality, but know that you deserve so much better! A man who can take care of you and treat you with respect!
One more example, BW
It should only solidify your resolve to know the true character of this man.
He lives in your parents' house for free as do his daughters and yet can't offer help you fix things up?
And then, to add insult to injury, he calls you (when he KNOWS where you are and what you're doing) to be nasty to you?
My advice, BW: Get a mantra until you get out of this marriage and every time something like this happens, repeat it over and over again in your mind.
Maybe something like, "Getting out soon" or "I will be free"!
Stay strong and on stick to your plan, BW.
Many (((((((HUGS)))))))
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
You're not the one that should be ashamed.
Your H is the one that should be! Your parents have been so gracious to let you guys live there rent free; he should be doing his share to help them out too! Also, he was a completely different person before you married, and then his true colors came out. There was no way that you could have known that.
You have your plan in place, so just stick to it. You will eventually be free of the leech. ((((HUGS)))) We're all here for you!
Why
if you don't have to pay rent, can you not get rid of him? Any job you could find could give you enough money to get by especially with no rent obligation. Utilities and food can't cost you that much? I don't have any idea what area you live in...but if I didn't have rent...minimum wage and a 40 hour week would give me enough money, especially if I wanted so desperately to get rid of this freeloader. I give you a lot of credit to be patient!
Sorry about the shit you go
Sorry about the shit you go through, I am upset at my DH right now but I love him soooo much and he is a great guy, I just wish you could experience a great guy, however I swear none of them can read. I wish you the best and I need a drink to get through the rest of my night, I think I am becoming an alcohalic, fuck
Well
that's one more reason. When you are done with him and gone, and you have a lonley night you can remember this day and what he did and remember how much better it is to be lonley than be with his azz!
Besides, you won't be lonley, you'll have us!
FAT SLOB
Not only do you need a mantra (as 5 teens suggested); you need
to keep a MENTAL picture in your head!! If he is a FAT SLOB,
imagine him in the most embarassing contexts EVER, calling YOUR NAME....but OOPS, you'll be too busy laffing to help out.
BW, we've all been DUPED in a way. My H is not a fat slob, but
when we met, he was all romance, too. We have a nice life, and
that's what I envisioned....WE would have a nice life. I didn't realize his three skank daughters, not to mention his
chain-smoking mother and two loser brothers were coming along
for the ride.
THAT is the mental picture I keep....I move on while he is sitting there, alone, chokin' on the smoke with his three
beauts yelling Daddy Daddy!!!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
This is your time to take charge
Hey I have been reading all your posts and you should not feel ashamed about anything. Your H is a real piece of work and if anyone should feel ashamed it should be him but it sounds like he is so arrogant the thought would never cross through his mind. As soon as you get a job - you boot his ass right out of that house. He can leave with the clothes on his back and if he wants to take whatever stupid stuff he bought let him. I went through a situation like this with my Ex-F and I was left sitting there with no phone, hardly any groceries, a kid to take care of and the bastard even took MY toaster but I was so glad that he was gone and I was finally able to get MY LIFE back. You are a strong woman and you will get through this - trust US. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. A lot of us have been through this situation and you are not alone. Take care and I can't wait to see you post that HE IS GONE!
i agree w everyone above
its not ur shame to bear. however, i understand u do bc my DH says he feels ashamed of his past choices in partners too...so i get where ur coming from. ur ashamed of having to subject ur loving family to this piece of shit. well, thats neither here nor there. the best thing u can do for urself, and in turn, ur family, is to get the hell away from that toxic man before he destroys all ur dignity. u know u deserve better and i hope and pray everything will soon fall into place and u will soon be able to take out teh trash and move on w ur life.
big hugs in the meantime.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Ditto bewitched
That H of yours needs the boot but good. I have a pair of Ugg boots, size 10, that I bet would fit nicely up his keister. You're welcomed to them!
I'm saying my mantra-I WILL be FREE-and picturing Sasha's
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
boots up his keister! It helps. I called the hospital HR, no openings, but am continuing my job search tomorrow.
H is in a foul mood tonite-he's working. And it's muddy. And he's mad because SD13 is at the movies, SD17 is sitting at home doing nothing, and I had a beer with my folks after I finished working on their fence...all I heard was waa waa waa, poor me, nobody cares, nobody else has to do what I have to do. Umm, gals, he had this job for two years before I married him....
what good does that do US crayon??
we've already been duped
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
that is a great idea
then whoever finds them can send them back to the BMs
It's not your fault.
that he's a lazy slob. You married him for whatever reason, and you've suffered enough. The fact that he's lazy and doesn't help your parents is just part of the package of suckiness that is him.
It's his bad, not yours.
One day you'll be free of him and have a super fabulous life...and he'll still be a fat lazy turd.
Hugs.
There you go. I was duped. Good word, that.
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
Before we got married, H made me promises. That if we lived in the house, he would do anything he could to help my folks out.
Now I don't expect him to do housework here, cook meals (except his special entrees he serves up for SD17). I mow the lawn, take out the garbage, heck, he doesn't even pick his plate up off the table after eating. I do it all, and that's ok right now, as I don't have a job.
But he assured me, before we married, he would help at my folks'. Afterall, he sleeps here, too. His leeches sleep here, too. He knows my Dad, 79 yo, stroke victim, can do very very little (some days, just walking is all he can manage). And there are things I just don't have the physical strength, or mechanical knowledge to do.
Now all I get from H is-I work! If I don't want to do something, I'm not going to. And thats exactly how it's been.
After I finished my less than perfect attempts to shore up Mom and Dad's fence yesterday, Dad looked at me and said "I don't know what we'd do without you". And Mom had tears in her eyes.
I just let them know I am here for them. I let them know that they, and my sons, are the ones I love and care for most in this life.
And I apologize for name calling. I usually don't resort to something like "fat slob", but the resentment builds and builds.
dont apologize chica!
let it out! thats what we are here for!
and ps...w that idiot u are unfortunately married to, u have every rite.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
what is he 12?
bewitched read my blog about "I am tired of the muching (mooching)"
although FSS doesnt work he said pretty much the same thing.
"If I don't want to do something, I'm not going to"
how is it that I work and Fh works and we still have to do the wash and dishes and dusting and mowing? but they dont cuz they DONT want to?
what a piece of work his parents must be so proud!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."