Weekend With SD13
Just got back from a marvelous weekend with SD13 & H. I took her Friday afternoon to his apartment, and she and I stayed until this morning. Loooong drive home-and took her on another 30 miles so SD17 would not be coming to pick her up and undo all I tried to accomplish this weekend.
After we arrived at the apartment, H asked where we wanted to eat. I suggested it be SD13's choice and it was. Then we went shopping. Oh boy did we shop. Bought SD13 a number of little outfits. On Sat., we did a little more shopping. SD13 picked out these flashy silver athletic shoes (we're talking major bling here) then we went to the mail and she wanted to pick out a gift for SD17. So she called SD17 to ask what she would like-oh, boy. SD17 was so jealous that SD13 got the shoes. She started bawling on the phone (keep in mind, SD17 went to her fathers apartment last weekend, was taken to the amusement park, and went shopping at the mall) and it was sickening to listen to H explaining to her, babe, this, babe that :barf:. She just could not stand it that SD13 was actually getting some attention and a few things.
So, knowing SD17 as well as I do, I told SD13 that from this day on, her things are her things. No one is to take them away (referring to SD17, of course). I explained to SD13 that if SD17 wants to use SD13's things, then she, in turn, needs to share her things with SD13. A matter of respect. Discussed with H, and he agreed.
So I took SD13 on home. When we pulled up to BM's house, SD17 comes running out. SD13 is trying to show her the gift she bought her. SD17 said-I don't have time-but then immediately turned around and said -where are those silver shoes? I want to wear them!. SD13 told her SM (me) said she's not to take them. Yea!!!!:evil:
I then left SD13 and drove home. Called H and told him exactly how SD17 had acted, and what I had said. Hopefully I've made a small step here for SD13. We'll see. I'll be watching the dynamics real close. If H backs down and lets SD17 continue to act as she has been, especially towards SD13, it's gonna be war.
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Very good job...I think
Very good job...I think you're doing a great thing in standing up for SD13. She's lucky to have you! Keep it up & you'll do wonders for her self esteem, very important for a young girl to have. I think you are helping to make a huge difference in her life by making sure she is treated fairly. Thats amazing
Just because you CAN give birth, doesn't mean you SHOULD
Yeah for SD13- kind of
I'm happy that you, Dh and SD13 could spend one day that was all about her...kind of. Three things about this "special day" immediately struck me:
*even on her "special day", daddy spent time appeasing SD17 on the phone while she threw a fit about the purchases SD13 was allowed to make.
*SD13 wanted to buy something for her miserable SD17 on her special day. Obviously she is terrified of her. SD17 already has EVERYTHING she needs, but SD13 knew she needed to placate her by getting her at least something else, almost like "appeasing the monster with an offering of some kind!"
*SD17 couldn't have been bothered less with SD13s offering of the outfit that she got her. The ONLY THING she coveted was the thing that SD13 liked the most- her special silver "bling" sneakers.
I just wonders how soon after SD13 returned to her BMs house was she bullied into handing them over to SD17?
Bewitched, your intentions were SO admirable for SD13! I know she appreciates all that you tried to do for her. But after reading what transpired on Saturday, I now feel like I want to take her for a day of shopping myself and get her away from that toxic older sibling!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
5teens you are right
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
I'm thinking of what happened Friday, as well as the bawling on the phone to daddy that SD17 did on Saturday.
First thing we did on arriving at H's apartment Fri. was go out to eat-SD13's choice of restaurant. It was really packed, so we had to sit in the waiting area for about 30 minutes. What's H do? Starts talking about SD17-how great she is about something blah blah blah. SD13 and I just kindof gave each other this look-he saw it and did shutup about SD17. What is it with this guy?
SD17 is not a sterling student in school, her grades are average. She is not an outstanding athlete; in fact is involved in no sports at all. She is pretty enough, but there are alot of girls prettier. I just don't understand. SD13 is a poor student, but I personally think alot of that has to do with her self esteem. She is pretty also (again, not the prettiest one, but pretty), she plays volleyball, and tho not oustanding there, she tries. But she is the one with the personality. She is the kind one, the thoughtful one.
If you guys could have just heard him sweet talking SD17 Sat. when she was bawling on the phone! I'm sitting there fuming-saying to H, we spent all that money on her car, we bought her the largest package for her senior picture sitting, we gave her $$$ to go shopping last month, you took her to the amusement park last weekend! So, his end of the conversation was-Oh, babe, we did this for you, oh, babe, we did that for you. You ok, babe? Love ya, baby.
WTF is this all about???
So how was SD13 during all this w/her dad?
See, Bewitched, THAT'S exactly what I'm concerned about! So here it is- her big "special time" with her dad, and here sits SD13, watching him fawn all over the older daughter (emotionally) over the phone and in the conversations with you and her! Sure, he may have "been" there physically for SD13, but his mind was certainly with his favorite.
And I was just wondering how SD13 took that? Because if that were me- I'd just want to go home at that point. Or at least just send HIM home- and just have it be you and her.
It just makes me so sad (and angry) for SD13. When you see her next, give her an extra special big hug for me!
Poor kid.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
She is just so accepting of it all
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
She just seems to accept it-but I think the original conversation I had with her last week on the phone, when she was crying to me about the situation, is an indication that, as she's getting a little older now, she's seeing it more and more and it's bothering her. Of course it would.
Of course H says "every kid feels like their brother/sister is the favorite". Maybe so, but in this case it is true. And so blatantly obvious. I mean, c'mon, when BM and I both see it???
He's just kidding himself. Trying to justify his behavior.
If you could've seen SD17's face
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
Back to the bling sneakers. SD17's friend was waiting for her, parked in the driveway, when SD17 came up to the car SD13 and I were unloading, and demanded the sneakers. You should've seen the expression on her face when SD13 told her No. SM said I don't have to give them to you. The only way I can describe it was-first-dumbfounded-second, hatred. She RAN to her friends car, jumped in and took off.
It will be really interesting to see how she manuvers "daddy" on this one.
That's just awful
Not SD17s reaction to SD13 saying "NO" (that part was terrific, in fact!) but just the mere fact that SD17 thinks she can DEMAND her younger sister to give them to her!
That scenario sounds JUST like my SD16. She feels like she can DEMAND anything from her sisters (both 18 and 13) and they MUST comply. She's a complete and total bully. And they GIVE IN!!!!
I just don't get it. I stay completely out of it, but I just don't get it. If they say "No" to her original demands, then she moves in to her next step- yelling at them, "YOU'RE THE WORST SISTER IN THE ENTIRE WORLD AND I HATE YOU!"
Now if that we're me, I'd say, "Sorry you feel that way. But you're still not getting my stuff." But they always give in. And the next thing you know- IF they even get their stuff returned to them, it's usually ruined! Then they're upset and she's totally unapologetic.
Which is why I've learned to totally stay out of it. I just hope your SD13 hangs in there and guards those sneakers with her life. In fact, she better find a good hiding spot, because if SD17 is anything like my SD16, she'll search through her room while she's not home until she find the stuff she wants.
It's so bad here, that when SD18 left for college, we had to buy a steamer trunk for her to lock all her most favored stuff away- and only I have the key to it hidden away!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis