CS issues, between MY parents...UGH!
My DH and I went to go see my Dad yesterday. I pop in and visit him where he works from time to time, and was thinking about him alot the past few days. My dad has cancer again! He had it a couple of years ago in his kidney, and they removed it, now it's back in his other one. He does not look to good. He also is having complications with his foot. He said the muscle is pulling away from the bone, not sure what is going on w/ that. He has been a chef all his life, on his feet like 24/7 so that could be why. Anyways, he is going to be leaving his job to retire, he is 65 now, and with his health the way it is, he really needs to. This will pose a problem for my mom, she still gets support for my 2 brothers, one is 21, she gets it for him still cause he is a student in college, but my dad found out that he is not at school anymore, and is working full time, I found out that is true. My other brother will be 18 next month and graduates in june, he has plans to go to college, he also works part time. My dad filed his retirement papers, and is training a new guy for the job as we speak. He plans to call my mom today, to tell her about this, and that the CS will have to stop....he wants to try to resolve this w/o a lawyer/court battle. My dad is worried about how she'll take it....so am I. 
He really never sees the boys, he and my mom had a baaaaadddd divorce, and she has hated him ever sence, they split 13 years ago. He is remarried, and has been for 10 years. My mom has remained un married, and is single right now. She has had all of the responsibility of the boys, and I give her all the credit in the world for that, I really do. But, my brother 21, is not in school right now because he fell behind on his tuition???? So much for his "student CS", where is the $$$ going, question of the year, right. My brother lives at home, has credit card debt, quit several jobs, has gotton in a little trouble w/ the law for drinking, it was on the beach in public, and that is illegal in NH!! He does mess around w/ drugs, and I wish he would'ent . My/our mom has bailed him out of trouble alot, and enables him. Now she is finally gettin tired of it. I don't feel my Dad should be paying anymore CS, with the condition that he is in, and the "kids", are now grown. It seems that my brother and my mom have already abused the funds that were coming in, I do feel bad for my other brother who has plans to go to college, looks like he will have to do what I do now, and do it online, and work for himself. I really hope that my mom, and the rest of the family don't freak out over this......THE MAN IS DYING....THE BOYS ARE GROWN....HELLO!! My dad told me not to mention this to my mom, as I saw her yesterday to, he is to handle this, and I did not say anything about it. I am bracing myself for whats to come, I hope it can be worked out, and my mom will see that CS does not last a life time, and it is really time to stop, at least from what I can see.
- Chel Bell's blog
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Gosh, I hope for your dad's
Gosh, I hope for your dad's sake that mom has gotten over the divorce and can have enough compassion to let the man off the hook, esp. since she has taken advantage of him where it comes to the older brother.
Do you think that if she brings it up to you that you will defend your dad's position? Or would you rather stay out of it? I can not imagine this will be a good situation for you.
I will defend....
my dad in this case. My Mom is aware that he is sick, so I hope that she will just realize that it just has to stop....the blood from the stone theory. After everything I have gone thru- I don't take this subject lightly. Some times she has compassion, and some times she does not, as she was hurt by him. (he cheated, and left) With my brothers past behavior, I don't think the money is deserved."~waiting on the world to change~"
So I take it in the divorce
So I take it in the divorce decree it stated that he will pay until they are 22 if enrolled full time in school? Unfortunately if thats the case she does not have to let him off the hook. But I would consider the overpayment of the middle son when he was no longer in school (I don't know how long he was still paying for him after he dropped out) but that should at least factor into it. Keep us posted on how your mom reacts.
oh chel
im so sorry for everything youre going thru...i know it must be so hard to see ur dad like this, and understand where hes coming from w the issues w CS and ur mom. hang in there and lets pray that she is "nice" about this one.
oh and u never did update me about the little guy---how was the last appt? pm me!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
See, this is why I just don't get it?
CHILD SUPPORT. CHILD. C-H-I-L-D.
Not "fully-grown-adult, get-off-your-a$$-and-get-a-job" Support.
But Child Support.
To: help the parent, usually the mother (ugh), support the little CHILD, who cannot otherwise support him or herself.
At 18, can't one get a job? Join the army? Get college loans?
Don't they all scream at you, "You can't tell me what to do, I'm 18 and I'm an ADULT!"
OK, Adult, go get a J-O-B. (And while you're out, pick up an application for your mother who hasn't needed to work because she's been living off your "Child Support").
I just don't understand this CHILD SUPPORT crap until age 19-20-21-22.
It just enables mothers to mooch and kids to be lazy well into adulthood.
It bleeds fathers dry and is complete and utter horsecrap.
-------------------------------
I'm stepping off my soapbox now...
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
i hear ya 5teens
i went to a very expensive private school bc of its business program and took out student loans to pay for them bc my mom didnt have it and i didnt think she should have to pay anyway. what is wrong w student loans? i mean, if u hav ethe money to send ur kids to college, by all means. but for im guessing teh majority of us who are middle class and cant make ends meet NOW bc of damn CS (barf), keeping it going to help pay for college??? barf again!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
thats another thing
I think my brother did take out a loan, he mentioned it before, and has had trouble paying it off.....It really aggrivates me!! My mom works hard, always has, and when the boys were small, yeah, she needed every bit of CS she could get. Now my brothers are not kids anymore, and have become lazy, and irresponsible (not so much the soon to be 18 year old, he's better about things, but wants alot!!!) "~waiting on the world to change~"
Wow, this is
such a hard thing for you. You want to support your mom and dad. But I think your dad is right. And so was 5teensathome. My DH stopped paying for BD who is now 20 and in college last year. When she graduated HS. I don't know why BM didn't fuss about this, but they came to a number that made them both okay. And that's fine with me. She was reasonable, so was he. We're paying more than we would for the other SD, but if she wanted to push it we would still be paying for both. SD 20 is out in college on her own living with her BF. Yeah, we're not paying for her.
Godspeed to your father during this difficult time. And I pray that your mom will understand this and not be to upset. It'll be hard on her, but the boys need to get to work.
And Chel, By the Way
I'm very sorry about your dad. I'll be keeping him in my prayers.
(I kind of got off on my little rant in my original post and forgot to mention that- oops)
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
So sorry to hear
I hope your mom takes it well, because I think if he is disabled she is SOL. I am so sorry too to hear about his illness. I will pray for him and hope he gets to enjoy some time off.
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
thanks,
my dad & I have not always had the best relationship. When he and my mom got divorced, I was pretty angry with him, and we were estranged for many years. My father has not even met my other 2 kids yet, my daughter told me on the phone a few days ago that she would like to meet him. I asked him about this yesterday, and he said he wants to get together, and would love to finally see them. Over the past couple of years, I have communicated/visited with him (much to the dismay of a few family members.....but who cares) I have realized that there just is not anymore time! There is no more time for anger, hate, resentment, regrets, or any of those things. I don't go to see him for him, I do it for me! I let it all go, and hold on to the good memories that I have of him when I was growing up....that is instilled in me today, and I will pass on to my children. He gave me that much. I do love him, even though I do not like what he has done, or agree with some of his reasons. There are 2 sides to the story of my mom & him, then there's the truth. I catch glimpses of it every now and then. "~waiting on the world to change~"
update....
Spoke to my mom today, she did not say anything about my dad calling her, so obviously he hasent yet. I know he was not looking forward to it, as he expects a fight, but, I hope he calls her soon. I don't like "sitting" on this! My mom did ask me if I told him that my brother was not in school, and I said, "no, of course not", (did not have to, as he was the one who told me!) So my guess is that she really wants the CS to keep flowing. I wish I could say something, but keeping my mouth shut right now is for the best. (you'all know that is hard for me)
I'll let you know when the other shoe drops."~waiting on the world to change~"