help! need links/sources on articles for BM
the insanity continues over stupid halloween.
My poor DH got to have a 40 minute fight in front of the elementary school with BM this morning. So much wrong I can't even put it all down.
The biggest thing right now is that she's told my DH again and again that its OK for her to share her thoughts and feelings about him and me to the girls. She feels that this will make them more empathetic people.
Now we all know that telling the your kids that you hate/are hurt/have issues with dad or step mom will only cause trouble and is innappropriate. You can't confide in your kids like an adult- if you need a therapist, then get one! Told BM all this and she won't hear it. She really thinks she's making her kids better people by venting to them on adult topics.
BM likes to think that she's very educated on parenting topics and feels that her "parenting philisophy" supports her turing her kids into little adults. In an effort to perhaps get her to see what she's doing I'm looking for links to parenting articles that talk about the damages of doing this. I know there out there- help!
I'm going to suggest that perhaps DH forward these to crazy witch so she stops posioning her kids, adding layers of guilt and giving them inappropriate roles. The kids are going into therapy again, but I want to see if we can stop it at the source too.
Any help or other advice is much appreciated! Thanks all!
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OMG
What a psycho. I am in a masters in counseling program and that is the last thing you want to do. I will try to provide some links. She needs to see a counselor and address her issues not make the kids her shoulder to cry on.
Tell her to
come on this site. We can all be her counselors and let her know how nuts she really is.
What on earth would make someone think telling your kids that you are hurt over daddy leaving, and hate the new step mom is going to help them become adults? She doesn't really think that. She thinks her kids are going to take her side, treat you like crap, abuse thier father, and she's got it all planned out to chalk up to nothing but honesty.
Sounds like my x husband. We should hook the two of them up. I take that back, the two together would definatley form the antichrist.
she is wrong for doing that
she is wrong for doing that to her kids........i have a SS and he has lived in my home for over 5 years.......god bless her soul his mother passed away in july of this yeah and not once did i ever belittle her or her family in front of him cause i didnt want him to hate her nor me for that matter yes she did lose her kids for mistakes that she made........no matter how much she hates you/you husband gives her no right all shes doing to them babys is making them think life is all about hate....i wished i knew there was a link to foward to her if i find one i will be sure to get it to you asap....but your husband needs to stop this....she doing nothing but making his kids hate the woman he loves and for that matter hate him......be strong hun there is a way to stop it....hugs
Here are a few
Here are a few articles/websites that I pulled up. Maybe you can print something out. I often read peer reviewed journals but I am not sure that is something that another parent would look at as proof of how to parent during a divorce. I would also check out you local friend of the court office. They often have guidelines and material online regarding how the courts feel you should communicate with the other parents and may also provide some links. Tell DH to continue to remain appropriate and document her behavior/statements made regarding the children. Email is a good way to do this. Good luck.
http://peopleintransition.com
http://www.divorceinfo.com/children.htm
http://www.parents.com/family-life/divorce/coping/easing-pain-of-divorce...
Tell her to watch Dr Phil!
Tell her to watch Dr Phil! He tells parents all the time that children should not have to deal with adult issues! Because they will find a way to make it their fault & they do not understand it all!
drama queens
That's what most of these BM are. They love the attention they get even if it is from their own kids. They need to grow up and learn to stop using their kids as pawns in their sick game.
we ALL have the same BM...
isnt that why we're all here???
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
us too
Our BM is a teacher, so she is so educated in child development and a master in parenting. Yeah, right. That's why she couldn't connect SD6 regression with potty training (she was almost five) with her having another baby, duh? She just made her feel bad about this and made her wear pull ups. She and her husband told SD6 that she would have to wear this until she learned how to use the potty again. That's why she tried to get her medicated at 4 because she was having attention issues and thought she was ADHD. The preschool teacher disagreed as well as us. Just b/c she doesn't pay attention to her, you have to tell her do things more than once and she plays in the clothes rack while you shop doesn't mean she's ADHD. It's just being a four year old kid. She doesn't have these extreme behavioral issues at our home, so who's the one who seems to need help parenting then?
oh, I also told BM that she
oh, I also told BM that she needs to stop stuffing her resume down everyone else's throat. Just b/c she's a teacher doesn't mean she's an expert in kids.
good one
She looks at my myspace so much I almost put the quote "those that can, do; those who can't teach." That would've truly pissed her off and she would started her myspace harrassment again. She loves to talk about how she is so wonderful because she is a teacher. SS6 wore a shirt back from BM home that said, "if you can read this, thank a teacher." I wanted to gag. But instead, I put the shirt aside and donated it to charity.
she's a loo-loo
I'd LOVE to get her on Dr. Phil. She's so deluded though she acutally thinks that she's doing all the right things.
It's sad that she's so sick. She has horribly low self esteem so she involves the kids in her parenting decisions so she doesn't feel rejected. She's still obviously hurt from her divorce from my DH from 5 years ago because that keeps coming up in their fights. She empowers SD10 to be a mini adult and to be her protector and doesn't give SD8 any boundaries, and she needs them desprately. She will not see what she's doing to the girls and its so hard to watch. She's sick, but not sick enough to take the girls away or take her back to court to modify custody.
I could go on and on with examples.
I'm just a conventient target for her anger and frustration right now because I won't let her near me, my kids or anywhere into OUR family.
AND its so hard for me because my parents divorces after a very unhappy marriage and I was made to be the mini adult in charge of protecting my mom and was encouraged to hate my step mom and dad. This manifested itself into a mental breakdown for me at 16 after a year of migranes. I just really hope that doesn't happen for my Sk but the next 10+ years are going to be horrible if BM doesn't get well.
correction
SS9
why she thinks she's an expert
She works as an admin at a company that does workplace testing.
She works with Phd's who know about industrial psychology
Adult workplace pyschology
Sure, that's exactly the same as child psych- and you as an admin is exactly the same as being a phd. Idiot.
she's an expert on everything
she has a vagina, therefore she is the expert on all apects of female health and I am not allowed to talk to the SD about my period (or at least I should call her BEFORE I do)
Her friend works at shop where they fit people for hearing aids and her friend says that SD8 has hearing loss. Our pediatrian and ENT say she doesn't.
She was a paralegal for a few years so of course, she knows all about the law...
She lies about everyting and manipulates anything she can. No wonder we don't get along?