hi
well this site is a life saver for my sanity, wish i had found it way before , because maybe i would of handled my sd different and she wouldnt of left. yes it is scary putting yourself out there and maybe getting a negative approach but it all helps and makes us think. Well, we are all in the same situations more or less so its sad that this happens but good knowing im not the only silly one out there thinkn and feeling at a loss.

after all, it IS what brought us all together initially and i wish we now werent divided...

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

Step Talk found me when I was in the gloom and doom stage of step parenting. I can not even imagine where I would be without those who reached out with empathy and helped me even if was just to say, "I understand, I've been there" or "If I was in your shoes this is how I may handle this". That is what I plan on doing, I don't like to see people being mistreated by an disrespectful child and a lot of times we feel like we have no authority to stand up for ourselves with our steps, but don't have a problem with our own. This is very difficult when you are in a situation on a daily or even a EOW basis. My step parenting ended horribly and I would love to be able to help another in the same situation to have a different outcome.

I found this site after posting "I hate my SD" I am not proud of that, but will never apologize either, because it was exactly how I was feeling at the time. Do I really Hate Her? No, I hate her behavior, actions, and her constant need of entitlement, but those were learned behaviors.

I personaly have found great friends on this site, and as bella stated so well, I wish I didn't have to go to 2 different sites to keep up with my friends. I can't nor will I choose Sites EVER!! I will always choose my ST Friends past, present, and future. Especially those who was there for me, they hold a special place in my heart..Not to mention that by attending the retreat, my online ST friends became real - I mean not letters on my computer screen, they were breathing, loving people who have had these experienced and have wisdom to give.......

So There, I'm Choosing Friends !!

Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!

sites! i echo what stepwitch said. I found ST at a low point in stepparenting. I probably was negative as well, but aren't we all at some point. If it weren't for this site, i dont think I would be in the emotional place I am today. I am able to love my SD unconditionally now as opposed to pre-ST. This site did more for me in 6 months than my therapist did in 10 yrs of therapy. I value the "online" friends here as well as other sites. I don't think I want to take sides, so I too choose friends above all else.

I can't visit steptalk as much as I would like. I have leaned on this support group on many many many times for step issues and non-step parent issues. One thing I have seen though is that this site is like the ocean, it has high and low tides. People get emotional, pick fights, support eachother, come and go. It is no matter. We are emotional people dealing with emotional issues. Sometimes we will all jump on a wave, others we will ebb. So, it is okay, let the elders or Dawn, regulate poor posts, and know that this place was created for the right reasons, and has helped more than we can ever know. This too will pass

times when all I've had is you guys. I love being able to go to this site and try to hash out my problems. You don't know how much this site has helped me be a better person. For that I want to say Thank You All and Bless each and everyone who has taken the time to comment to one of my posts. As far as I'm concerned this place is a life/marriage saver. Love You!!!!!

I've spent a decent amount of time on msg boards, all different kinds, and in my experience, this is less catty, and drama filled than any other. That said, 100% every board I've ever been on there are people who bemoan the fact that the board has gone "downhill" and make "goodbye cruel world" dramatic farewells.

The one feature I think steptalk is missing (and mind, I am talking out of my you know what, given that I don't know boo about this type of programming) is a block button. We all can do it to some degree, by just not clicking on posts that we find problematic, or posts made by people who's insight we don't appreciate. It's not hard! And I do appreciate that if you spend a long time on a msg board, it can be irritating to read "I hate my stepkid" (or whatever) for the 101 time. But for the person posting that, it's the FIRST time, a very important venting for them, and if you dont' have the patience to read, relate, empathize or respond, then don't do it.

I for one am very grateful for finding a forum to discuss issues that pertain to NO ONE else in my immediate life. I haven't been on here long, and I take offense to people who generalize what the new people here are like.

I don't come on here with the expectation that everyone would agree with me. I KNOW my values are not those of everyone else, and that's okay with me. If I wanted to sit around and have smoke blown up my butt I'd just journal and tell myself how awesome I was every day. I learn from others questioning me, and challenging me. I APPRECIATE dissention, and honestly if I don't like the way someone responded to me, I don't reply. I say things that I know not everyone will like or appreciate, but it's my opinion, and I'm expressing it, not forcing it on anyone. If someone says something nasty to me, OH WELL.

I know many people come here hurting and vulnerable. I know that maybe they're not looking for someone to question their decisions or opinions. But you're NEVER doing someone a service by just agreeing with them out of turn, challenging people to grow is harder, but it's the right thing to do, and if some people are heavy handed in doing that, well, that's life. And if it's REALLY offensive and rude (which I have honestly yet to see) well, feel sorry for that person for being so limited, and move on, just like life.

I'm sorry to go on about this, but I TRULY appreciate this site, and it bothers me that people, because of the actions of a few, are taking the time to attack a resource that I have READ has helped so many people.

from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.

from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.

I, too, found this site just a few months ago when I was at a very low point in my life with my blended family. Signifigcant issues with a intrusive, unhealthy BM, three SDs and a struggling DH had me at the end of my rope.

But my prayers were answered when I found StepTalk! And I knew I wasn't alone- or crazy, for that matter. And I found people who truly understood and were nonjudgemental- something I never found before.

Dawn, you have created a wonderful site here, where people can feel SAFE to say what they need to say in an open forum.

I'm not quite certain about what is going on with regard to the bashing, but it is quite unfortunate if it is happening. It's like anything else- you'll always have one or two people who like to stir things up when they're not happy, and rather than just be mature about it, they feel the need to bash others. If this is what is occuring in this instance, then I am sorry. I would just advise that you continue to move forward and do what you do have always done on this site, Dawn.

I'm pretty sure the number of people this site has helped FAR EXCEEDS the few number of disgruntled persons who want to cause trouble.

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

has seen me through alot of changes (not just names-ha-ha.) all the way back to when I was living in Fl. and my SS was living w/ us full time cause BM went on a "bender", and she tortured me and my family, wishing death on then my unborn son. Through my DH & I gaining the strength and wisdom to finally stop pushing water uphill, and move on, and away from BM and her crazy world. Through having no money, and the homeless shelter, and pulling ourselves up and out to where we are now.....in our home, living in peace, and regaining what we lost (paying a lawyer will make you poor!) I can honestly say that this site, and the wonderful people on it saved my life a few times.I have learned alot, and it helped to know that we were not alone. My DH is a wonderful, hardworking, loving dad.....who was getting the shaft big time by BM, and even his own kids. He has now taken his life back....his head is no longer being held under water. And we know whatever the future brings, we can handle it, and coming here for advice, or just to vent will see us through. This site is as valuable to me as a relationship with an old friend......who knows better than me!!! :)"~waiting on the world to change~"

I came to this site after googling "vindictive ex-wife". After reading NUMEROUS posts about what other people were going through, I thought "Wow - I'm NOT alone!"..
As someone new to the site / situation, I wasn't comfortable with posting much here, due to the things BM has put my family through (I wouldn't have put it past her to find me here).
I took alot of comfort in the posts from several of the "veterans" - Anne8102, Cruella, Going Crazy, Zen, Nymph, just to name a few... Alot of what they had to say made sense, especially since they had already gone through what I was experiecing at the time, and the advice and insight they gave to all was invaluable.
I can't recall seeing the above mentioned people purposefully "bash" another poster for giving an opinion, or asking for advice. I did however, see alot of posters doing so to them, because they didn't get the responses they wanted. They mosly took it in the chin, and sucked it up. Why? Maybe because these fine ladies were in the exact same spot we all were as well - they had been there and done that, and probably designed the t-shirt, lol...
I do have to say that the tone of StepTalk has changed in the past few months - IMO. From a place that I sought solice on an almost daily basis, to where I mainly just pop in to read, and see mostly negative comments on spouses/partners/kids(bio & step), etc.
I know the banner above says "Where Step Parents Come to Vent", but it's also where we come for solutions to our issues.
I guess what I'm trying to get out there is that we are all going to be missing alot of advice, and support if these 'vetrans' of the site are no longer here - they and their experiences, good and bad, are what kept me coming back. It's the nasty attacks on 4 & 5 year old children (who really don't know any better by the way), the attacks on people trying to offer solid advice, and negative comments to each other that are going to keep me and those like me away, or at the very least, quite hesitant about participating here.

I mostly lurk and wish I could respond more (stupid work getting in the way!) but this site gives me an outlet of things I CANNOT say at home. I gives support that I'm not alone. I even get to give advice and help other people in the same situation. Because I'm not on all the time I do miss some of the mudslinging, but I really think the spirit and most of those who participate on this website are really here to help themselves and other people. For anyone who's not, I've got bigger issues to focus on and just ingore them, but not the site.

has introduced me to some of my most cherished friends. Faceless and not so faceless...MamaSita, Witchypoo ;), Kathleen, Catch, Cru, Anne, GoingCrazy,...if only to name a few.

I love what Kathleen said. It's like the ocean...high tides and low. Somedays I care and somedays I don't. I relate to some and some I don't take the time to read their posts simply because I just can't relate. We can't ALL be friends...life just doesn't work out that way.

I love when a new poster stumbles upon this site and pours her heart out looking for resolution and I can say..."Hey, I know EXACTLY how you feel and let me tell you what has worked for me...."

Just the way luvdagirl did for me a year ago.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

I think my year anniversary is this month. I think I had probably googled 'estrangement' because of us and SD having a major blowout and not speaking to each other for what turned out to be months, and that is what I had had some luck with as a search term.

I would have gone crazy if not for this site you invented Dawn!! DH and I were practically insane with grief at SD hating us for trying to parent her, and it really helped me especially to hear that other people had problems like we did too, with steps.

I guess I have just been lucky in that I haven't really had any problems here and have never felt discouraged by what I read here, or thought there was any bad tone, etc. I did get one crazy message that I just ignored but even that I think I just didn't understand what she was saying, this was not long after I started here.

I do get tired of hearing though how the site used to be really good but now its not, that comes around every few months . . . it always made me feel kind of left out, like, are we not good now, with all our well thought out contributions? and that stings a little. I miss our friends but hope they will be happy and join us again if they ever want to.

I hate to say I just can't get into MySpace etc. so far, it still makes me mad because of SD using it against us like she did. Also I don't have any good pictures and now I had to freaking wipe my computer because of getting a virus so don't have any pics to post until I can figure out how to put in the backup.

I wonder how those who are gone are, and hope to see them again some time, but I personally am glad to be here on StepTalk with you guys and don't plan on going anywhere :). Plus I am enjoying finding new friends too, and you can't have too many of those! Thanks Dawn!!!!

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

"~waiting on the world to change~"