So DH is supposed to start on nights this week. We had what I thought was a reasonable schedule...we agreed how to handle his kids and what was going to happen. So then last night he tells me that bm is picking up the skids today after dinner and taking them home with her...because tomorrow ss12 has summer sports camp at 7:30 am. Ok, thats cool...I get that these are their kids and they can decide what to do with them and whatever...and I even give them both credit for not sticking me with the dropoff/pickup detail when I have to be at work by 8:30. BUT, and it's a huge but...WHY am I the absolute last to know anything???!!!!
I got mad at DH last night and he was all pouty in bed. I said listen, I'm mad because YET AGAIN I'm the last to know anything that goes on here...plus you just dropped it on me right before bed all casually. I was really irritated at him for yet again not being MY partner...he's HER partner. They can decide what to do about their kids, plan and plot until the cows come home, but I am always the absolute dead last person to be in the loop.
So he's all like, well I thought about it and talked to her...why do I have to call you first then call her and then call you if she's ok with it...blah blah blah...
I said to him, Ok I'm not talking about that...you two dimwits decide what you do with your kids, that's your business, but when you decide, your job as my supposed partner is to inform me!
My friend thinks that maybe he was afraid to tell me because the bm would be picking up the kids today and I might have to see her and god knows that might start a fight (in his mind)--but we'd discussed how I'm on board with everything and going to do everything in my power to make his transition to nights as easy as possible, so no way was I going to ever fight with her. But I can see how he might be careful what he tells me and when...
Still, that doesn't erase the fact that what he did was complete crap yet again. I feel like I just don't matter...I told him last night that I cant compete with her so I'm not going to try...they win.
I'm not sure he understands what I mean by that, I'm not sure I do either. I just cant compete with 13 years and 2 kids...he obeys her, he plans with her, and all "that" has always seemed to come first. I've never asked that he not see his kids or demand more of his time...I've been really good about so much stuff. All I've ever asked was that we be equal partners, but instead much of the time I feel like a fifth wheel. I wish he could plan with me the way he does with her, and I wish that I was the first person he called for whatever, you know? Like when he needs stuff with the skids, I've wanted that call to be me...pick up drop off, whatever... How do you share a life with someone who doesn't share it with you?
Maybe I'm trying too hard...maybe I'm not supposed to care...maybe they're supposed to do all this stuff.... But why does he want us to be doing all this family stuff like baseball outings and whatnot if I'm not going to be there for the daily crap too? I don't know...I don't get him.
So, I don't know what's up today or this week. I don't know if we're having dinner together or not tonight when I get home before he leaves for his stupid new nightshift gig (and bm takes skids). I don't know if I'm even going to be with them this week at this point. We had decided that I'd be there with them while he's working and just put them to bed and he'd get them up...so it's not like it's alot of work for me. But last night he REALLY hurt my feelings because on top of that whole thing, he also asked if I was staying there "when they weren't home" (I still have my own condo)... It came out like, oh are you going to be wandering around our home getting into stuff when we aren't around to supervise you? I was stunned because I felt like I'm nothing more than a babysitter, and then when there's no skids to care for I'm supposed to go to my place until I'm called in again. I've never felt so used, angry and hurt. We've been trying to get rid of my place so I can fully move in, but there's been a few snags over the last couple of months so it's taken longer than expected. So I live there and in my place...which I'm sure you all know is hard, keeping up two places. So for him to act like I'm some sort of babysitter who comes there and takes care of his kids and services him, and then gets sent home...that really has upset me.
This is what I'm thinking (sorry this is so long)...I'm thinking I'm going to stay at my place tonight and tell him that he and his ew can plan what to do with their skids and I'll see him when he's not working (during the week) and of course on the weekends. Maybe if I stop being accommodating he might stop taking me for granted...
I don't know...Maybe I'm being too bitchy?....
Does anyone have any ideas what to do?