On my headstone it's gonna say:

See I told ya's I was sick :sick:

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

storm is trying to say is the way ppl attacked chava was wrong and she thinks, like me it was way out of order and unfair. and in my opinion if you have an opposite opinion then yes comment but dont tell people they should leave the site and be horrible about it just because you dont agree

one of the comments i remember being horrible.

why should you be married to be able to vent here people that arent married still carry all the stresses of somebody that is. we woman all have a hard time and i to have been feeling the divide. and i feel all women going through these stresses should stick together and help each other through these difficult situations. i still stick around to offeer my advise on how to deal with these situations after all i did go through them and i am human

i also did not like what serindipity wrote but she pmed me and explained what she meant.
im sorry i must have misuderstood your comment
so what does a make a step parent ??
i know i tried my darn hardest to bond with the children but in my situation it was ipposible.

most people come here as a place to let out all the stuff the people here understand and they find there way here through frustration as when you try to talk to "real friends" they have no idea how hard this road is and jsut tell you stop being silly

I am a peacemaker and therefore have chosen not to get involved with the negativity going on. Therefore I won't do my usual longwinded attempt, for fear that something I say to you, will offend someone else I care about, though that would never be my intent.

But please know, I think you are swell and you are always welcome with me.

Peace to you.

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

I really love Cru and Anne too.

But I do have to say, that I, in my darkest moments, have felt something I couldn't put my name on regarding all my SD has put me, my children, my husband, myself through, and all we will continue to go through.

I did not search for ST. I searched the feelings I was having...Something I felt incredibly deeply ugly to even whisper to myself...even typing it was so hard.

I googled "I hate my SD."

And held my breath.

It was a sad, dark, angry, confused moment.

A post came up, from ST with that title.

I read it, and the amazingly encouraging replies.

And then I thought, if someone can post that in this site, and not be attacked like they would if they told their spouse, their mother in law, their friends....

Then I was safe and could write everything I needed to.

Throughout the year hear (almost- started sometime in the fall) I have, through the wisdom, support, love, encouragement on here, come to realize that I do not hate my SD. I love her very much. I hate her mental illness. Since it is a personality disorder, sometimes I still find it hard to separate the two.

And then I come here, I get some gentle or tough love, depending on who's talking, and where they are coming from.

But it is LOVE all the same.

I really want everyone to make amends here for the sake of the site. So new SM's don't wonder if they've made a mistake finding us, staying with us, trusting us.

There was a similar situation going on when I started. Those two left and many missed them.

I don't want anyone to leave.

But I respect their wishes to do so if they feel it's best for them.

Take care my Step Sistas.

I just came from the most phenomenal experience I wish you all could have shared. I honestly think we could all use a formal retreat, as SMs as friends, to connect face to face, and get a better sense of who we're loving, who we're hurting, who we're healing.

Blessed be all.

Love,
Z

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

I came here to find help with the feelings I had (fear anger sadness) and whether there were others who were going thru the same thing as me and I found many wonderful people who were.
I did at one time think I hated my future step kids, but what I found was that I did not understand myself, that I didnt hate them just the situation I was put in, I came here and found peace and understanding, and I found friends. I also got a better look at me. And my skids.
there are people out there that will never deserve our love or respect, how to handle that is what I think ST is about.
the veterans who have been there and done that - who share good and bad. It is sad if they go because they offer so much.
I hope that when I become a veteran I can be as helpful as they are/were.

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

yes every one to me here is helpful and i have no problem with you all i only ended up in this convo cos i was trying to help put storms point across. the whole thing with chava i dont and still dont think it was right although a lot of you have justified why you do think its right. but as you say i have not been here as long as you lot and no i have not noticed a pattern.

i see someone crying out for some where to let her feelings out and the hear nice things as we all would guess "if" she is going through all that imagine the state of mind she must be in and i for one would like to be nice to her. but if what you all say is right i guess my feelings will change.

i know whats going to come now we all try to help but sometimes helping is not telling someone to get out of that shite relationship there in but to just tell them your there ect ect ect. im sure she knows the relationship is wrong for her but sometimes jsut because you know its wrong your getting told its wrong does not mean she will be ready to leave. and that you have all tried all that before but these things sometimes can take years and years and years

from experience i know that being told there scum does and knowing at the back of your mind that hes scum means there is them little voices in your head telling you to fight for it one day he might change a lot of women go through it.

I hope you didn't feel I was attacking you as well. I was just sharing my perspective, especially coming from such a positive personal experience this past weekend. I really wish you could have come to the retreat. SW has an amazing frying pan and we could have had a fabulous picture for a keepsake

And I am and have always been impressed at your relationship with your SKs and former BMs etc. I have that same kind of special relationship with my sons SM, and know that it can happen if everyone is up for it. (As we like to say, "even though it's WEIRD" according to most people.

I also came to know that civility is not even possible for my SD's BM. She just isn't capable of even seeing me in public, at a restaurant or OG, without having to flee the very confirmation of my existence. One day I hope I can find, and hold onto a level of compassion for her mental and relational flaws.

I would wish the same for you, as your BM is a real treat as well.

I think in a way, you are blessed that the BM is completely absent, so your anger is on your SK's behalf, rather than her influence over your SKs. You are their hero for what you do, and I seem to get the idea they know it themselves, though I'm sure all have their own abandonment issues with that crazy woman half way across the world.

My SD's BM is around just enough to stir the pot unfortunately. Even SD's shrink has admitted that the best chance SD has at overcoming her PD is to not have that woman in her life reinforcing it here and there, and always striving to undo any good we do. So while I have done just about everything I can "right", everything I am able to without totally sacrificing my own sanity, personhood, dreams, BSs, marriage, etc...

Nothing is and may never be enough for my SD.

I do think you and Anne leaving is a loss. But I also think I will follow your lead in "retreating" as much in person from now on and less on site.

I agree with you that many of us aren't living fully in the "real world" because we are retreating here. I also agree that negativity is contagious, and being wrapped up on more onsite, will only spill over to our families, who get less of us at times that way.

CONGRATULATIONS on the upcoming wedding. I will look for pics on myspace and enjoy seeing your family's happiness.

MUCH luck, love etc to you. I sure hope to see you around in both the cyber and "real" world!

Love you stepsista!

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

We're in another Gestalt situation for crying out loud! Why? We're all adults, we all understand that not everyone is going to be of the same opinion, we all have good and bad days, we all are misunderstood from time to time - so WHY is this so flippin' out of hand?? I really don't get it.

We all came here for the same reason - or at least I'd like to think we did - looking for advice and understanding regarding the life of a step parent.

I came here looking for guidance; looking for reassurance that I hadn't made the worst mistake of my life and that I could handle being in this position. I had never been a 'step' before or even been exposed to it to tell the truth. I had no idea what I was in for, and while I understand that my SD didn't create the situation and the outright hatred I feel/felt for her BM it was and sometimes still is hard to seperate the two. When situations arise and my anger flares up as a result I've learned to take a step back and remind myself that it's not SD's fault.

I've been coming here to ST for several months now and I feel like I have gained a great deal from it. I am so sad and disappointed by the turn ST has taken in recent weeks. I understand that things were 'said' and feelings were hurt, others were offended or felt attacked - it happens folks, just like in every other family out there!

I absolutely hate that some of the most open, knowledgeable, supportive people are leaving this place. The newbies here could have learned so much from them and it's really a shame that their guidance, experiences and opinions won't be shared here.

Now, can we please stop fanning the flames and get back to normal?!? Can we all take a step back and remind ourselves why we came here in the first place?

I am really glad I missed all of this because I really enjoy being a part of this site and would not want to get into this crapola....

No Regrets is crap, they will always remember how you made them feel...