Hi Everyone,

I am new to this site. I found this site seven months ago when I was overwhelmed. I am 42 years old and have one son who is 21. In December, I moved to another state to be with my BF. I have known him most of my life as we went to school together, but after graduation we went separate ways. Well 20+ years later he found me and we have been together ever since. He has a 5 year old. I need to let you know that this man is a wonderful father. When they were pregnant for their son he took a class called Boot Camp for New Dads. After taking that class and continuing to attend it until his son was I believe one he then became a teacher of that class which he teaches three times a year. He attends every soccer or basketball game his son is involved in and even was the assistant coach on his son's soccer team this past spring. He attends all school programs unless they are during the day and he has to work, although he does attend those that he can. He is a very active father. He is a very kind, patient, loving, and compassionate father. When he and his wife split their son was almost 3 1/2 years old. Finally, in the past two months she has "graciously" allowed us full EOW contact plus two nights a week for two and a half hours. Prior to that visitation schedule it was every weekday for two hours and every friday night until whenever she felt like it on Saturdays. Most of the time she would pick up SS by noon every Saturday, so it was hard to have time to plan to do anything with him.

Well, finally after months and months of disagreements, getting attorney's involved and going to mediation she finally let him have his son EOW. Well, while this is much nicer for us to plan things and have more time with his son at once we are finding it is almost more damaging to his son. When he is with his mother he doesn't dress himself, bathe himself, brush his own teeth, play by himself, sleep by himself and she still gives him a baby bottle to go to bed! She lost her job in approximately January, so she has been home with him every day now that school is out. She had enrolled him in summer camp at a cost of $900 for two months expecting my BF to pay half. Well, he is allowing the courts to decide if they feel it is his responsibility before paying for it, but we have found out in six weeks his son has only attended that camp four times for maybe six hours a day. When asked why he doesn't go to summer camp anymore he says because he doesn't want to he wants to stay home and play with mommy. It is heart wrenching to see the effects this is having on this child. He can't play by himself because he doesn't know how. When at mommy's she plays everything with him. He doesn't do anything by himself. She also takes him to the store every day (this is not a joke) and buys him a new toy every day and we are talking a $10-30 or more toy every day.

The last weekend he was here he cried for two hours because he missed his mommy because he loves her so much because she loves him more than anyone except God (who told him that?)! We are fearing the more she is with this child the more detrimental the effects are on the child. Today, he stated he was "in Love" with mommy. Where did a five year old come up with "in Love". It wasn't from TV because the only thing he watches is Tom and Jerry or Scooby Doo. He refuses to watch any family oriented movie with real people in it and when at mommy's he doesn't have to and when here if he doesn't get his way he will cry and want to go to mommy's house.

I know this is all over the place, but I am just trying to give every one as much information as I can. I am trying not to forget the most important details of the events that have taken place over the past seven months. This is all very devastating on the child, my BF and is effecting my life in such a negative way and we don't want it to effect our relationship. We are seeking a counselor in our area not only to help keep our relatioship in good standing, but to help teach us how to help his son and understand what is going on in this crazy B***ch's head!

One other very important piece of information is she submitted her request for my BF's approval to move the minor child out of the state. Of course, he denied that request and now it will be up to a judge to determine whether she can take him or not. We are preparing for a long nasty battle over this.

Another FYI we have been together for over a year and I "lived with him" off and on for six months prior to making the actual move. They were divorced before he and I got together and I had nothing to do with their divorce. I hadn't even seen him in 20+ years and I had never met her until I came for one of my visits. I have invited her to lunch so she could get to know me since I am planning on being in her child's life. I wanted her to know about me and ask questions regarding me and my family. She never did take me up on it. Her and I are very amicable to one another-I am not saying we like each other. Their son calls me by my name. I am not his mother and don't intend to take her place. I will be a parental figure when he is in our home. We have discussed the way we want discipline to be handled, meals/snacks, TV/computer time, educational studies and are trying to teach him the concept of "alone" play time or reading, etc. We feel it is very damaging for a child not to know how to use their imagination and entertain themselves. We don't expect him to be here an entire weekend and play that entire weekend by himself, but right now he can't even play five minutes by himself.

If anyone has some advice or can direct us to some reading material whether it be on-line or books to purchase we would greatly appreciate it. We are contacting a counselor this week to make an appointment.

Thanks-Struggling Step