Welcome to the wonderful world of Motherhood.

Yes it is possible to love your child and yet not like them one little bit at times. Take my bio son. No really, PLEASE take him.

Discipline is going to be more difficult for you because you cannot control how she will be disciplined when she is not with you, but we SM's love a challenge right?

Re-read your post. Does that sound like someone who doesn't care?

it will be hard to not treat the SD like a real Bio child. There are a lot of people who are awesome step parents, but in my experience, I was always hesitant on disciplining SD. Now, I had 0 problems disciplining my own in front of her, hoping that she would learn by association. My SD now is 19 and we don't even speak. Sad, but she brought it on herself.

Good luck to you. I came into my SD life when she was 2yo, so it's very appearant that I have done and done and done for her, cried with her and tried to instill good middle class values in her - she has chosen the trashy ways of her mother, Makes me feel as a failure, But really all relationships are different, and I wish you luck, lots and lots of luck.

Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!

i have a SD3 and i have been in her life since she was 18 mos...in the beginning i was soooo good w/to her. the older she gets and the more her moms influence sets in, the more i disengage.

i really stopped being so caring and stepmotherly when her BM accussed me of abusing her. after that i kinda took a step back to protect myself. now after countless court dates, harrassment, arguments, more lies, which now we see was made up in an effort to get more CS since BM had originally agreed to a lesser amount, i cant handle being around SD. its like BM poisoned the relationship and i know its not SDs fault but sometimes just looking at her and remembering all we've been thru is painful.

put on top of that how the kid acts...she is behind her age group as well. her mother babies her and spoils her so badly that its difficult for us to teach her the rite way when we only get her 4 days a month. we still try though. and its hard being around a kid who acts like that. i wouldnt accept that behavior from my own kids, so why would i w her? honestly, alot of times when she over i try not to be around. i just cant take the way she acts and i would rather not be there than get into an argument w FH about it or even worse, discipline her myself and have her tell BM and have BM twist what really happens. its tough.

the best advice i can give to u is, no, we dont have to love thme like our own. but we have to care for them to a certain extent. talk to DH about how shes acting and try to make that better for when shes w u. and honestly, little kids are annoying sometimes. i think when theyre ur own u can overlook it more bc u love them and think anything they do is sooo cute. when theyre not urs, its tougher. just be good to her and take care of her but remember that its absolutely okay if u never lover her like ur own. shes not urs ultimately and she has 2 parents who love her...THATS all that matters.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

is lowering your expectations.

Starting a relationship with a man that has a two year old is probably one of the hardest things you will ever do in your entire life. You should really think hard on this one---there are other men out there without the mountain of difficulties associated with trying to help raise someone else's child.

At two years old, this child is a clean slate---emotionally pure. If you are finding fault with her (manipulative, annoying, frustrating)and you are only beginning this relationship, you need to rethink this.

Oh sweetie, if you could only see ahead 15 years.

DH and I have five kids between us and I can tell you with 100% certainty that all toddlers are annoying. And honey, that doesn't change much as they get older! We all have days we'd like to send our kids and skids alike to the the moon, and our spouses not far behind them. At her age, constant redirection is about all you can do for "discipline." She's too young and her attention span is still too short to do much more than constantly reminding her of what not to do ("No! No!") and constantly reinforcing with her what is good behavior ("Good girl!"). When she's being hardheaded, punishments won't work. Redirect her focus to something else might work better. And hang in there! What you are describing is not a stepmother's inability to love her stepdaughter. You're describing what every mother goes through with her own toddler. I second KQ... welcome to the wonderful workd of motherhood!

♥ ANNE 8102 ♥

Soon - in my opinion I do not think it is possible to love your step-children like they are your own unless you come into their lives from a very young age when they are the most receptive to having you in their lives. Since your SD is 2, I feel you are in a good position for that love and bond to develop over time.
I love my skids but I know that I will never love them as if they were my own. I did not carry them for 9 months, give birth to them, rock them to sleep at night, change their diapers and kiss their bruised knees when they were little.
However from reading your post it it clear to see that you are struggling with some guilt over this issue - please don't - you clearly love this child but it is ok if you do not learn to love her as if she were your biological child. That is a very special bond.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin