your husband is not listening to you. I read some of your other blogs and you continue to tell him how you feel . Has anything changed? Maybe you need a get a way for yourself and let him do the work and see how he likes it. are you a stay at home mom/step mom?

you really do have your hands full. Can the kids help at all?

Sam - are your husbands children girls by any chance?

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

thats when i would tell him..if the skids are being disrespectful or whatever it is they are doing . If he is at home at the time ..I would say "this is what im talking about"! Do you disipline the kids , or is it him or both?

OMG i would not stand for it..I have SD8 and SS12 and they help around the house! Not alot...but some.....I refuse to clean up after them and if i have to tell them everyday to do this or do that i will. I have enough to do..........My Gosh..they are definately old enough to help!! You should see what ss12 does ...he is helping my Bf build our patio! Using a saw. He does plenty around the house.

I had to do that with SD15. She was a pain in the a** when it came to her laundry. I did everyone's laundry and usually threw a couple of pieces of her clothing into every load. That wasn't good enough, she wanted me to wash ALL her laundry the day after it went into her hamper. Wasn't going to happen. So when she'd bitch to my husband about not having the particular clean piece of laundry she wanted (which she just put into the hamper the day before), he would come to me and want to know what my problem was. I put a stop to that pretty quickly. She could either wear what was clean (which was plenty, the kid has more clothes than anyone I've ever met) or wash them herself.

Instead, SD takes laundry to BM and she washes it. Fine with me! I'm not her maid, and I don't do special favors for anyone else in the house. When BD4 wants something to wear she picks something clean from her closet and doesn't demand I wash something dirty because it's the only thing she will wear.

Stop doing things they can do for themselves!

Did he seem kind of like a deer caught in your headlights? I truly think that some men just assume that we'll take over with the raising of their children because, hey, we are the moms of the house now. The ex is out, we're in and somehow, in some of their minds, it all becomes our job. He needs to step up and show his kids how you are supposed to be treated, but if he doesn't, don't hold back. Let them have it with both barrels. You are an adult in your home and you have just as much right as their parents to discipline them. Don't be shy. Locate your assertiveness bone and then whack them all over the heads with it. Hard.

♥ ANNE 8102 ♥

I hear ya. It's like because your not the real mom, that you feel like you need your husband to stand up and make his kids act right and when that doesn't happen you feel probably as equivalent as your pot bellied pig.

Options: take control and be viewed as the bisotch, or take no action and be the doormat. I took the doormat for so long, that when I finally got tired of his daughter wiping her feet on me, truely, I became the bisotch. I kinda like that, at least im not getting trampled on anymore.
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!

Stepwitch - please show me how to do that? I feel like the eternal doormat and don't know how to break the cycle?

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

I'm a broken record.

Stop Negotiating With Your Teen

Stop Walking On Eggshells (relates to living with someone with borderline personality disorder BUT)

The more you read on these topics the more empowered you will feel in any relationship situation. These two books will educate you in how to-

-Self validate your feelings regarding your Significant Other, (or whoever it is that is walking all over you)

-So that you can stop hoping that the validation will ever come from them

-Examine your contribution to triggering (not causing but triggering) the issues, through how you choose to react or respond to them

Then give you tools to change your response

- And most importantly, both these books help you to figure out what exactly your personal limits are, teach you to value them yourself, and to go about setting them, following through with them, and communicating them to the people you love.

Fabulous material I'm telling ya.

I am in a much more empowered and happy place.

Actually LOOKING forward to my SD's return. My biggest fear with her going for 6 plus weeks is having to welcome her back.

I have seen a ton about disengaging on this site and have tried it myself. I think it's too hard to do for many of us long term, and in many cases it validates the kids feelings that we don't care (which is what they are trying to prove by being the little devils they are half the time.)

So...broken record or no, I will continue my praise of these two self help books in particular. Both are quick reads. And I left the Stop Negotiating With Your Teen book lying around. The kids knew I was reading it. (Haven't with the BPD book, because that would be unfair to SD since it was recommended by her shrink, and highly relates to her and BM.)

Anyhoo, go shopping at half.com for those books. I picked the BPD one up at Borders. I stay at home too. It's harder to escape the drama. These reads really help.

OH- speaking of that. Find a hobby and demand everyone respect that scheduled time for you. That's one of those personal limit things again!

Hugs!

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra