so there was nothing to really keep. However there was a time when BM moved out of the state (she's back now) and asked DH to pick up and keep some boxes for her which he did. Well they were packed so crappy and taking up so much room I had to repack them.

Now guess what she had asked DH to keep for her? Old pics of them together, cards he sent her etc... well when we got married I packed up all that stuff from her and some old letters he had laying around and shipped it off to her with a letter that said that DH was moving on and so should she.

She ws livid and still is to this day DH thought it was funny

to keep my wedding dress from my first marriage. I had all of my wedding mementos from my first marriage and was going to toss it all. DH said that he wanted me to keep the dress, photo album, keepsakes, etc and give to my daughter. I did not want to and he is the one who encouraged it. I think it demonstrates his security in our relationship. Like he said, at one time I loved the man who I chose to father my child. She deserves to have my wedding dress and choose to get married in it if she likes.

Now it means so much to her to have those things, and it just strengthened an already air tight bond that she and DH have. Those items in no way represent a continued love for the ex.

Now, when it came to SD's crap, I threw it ALL away. DH didn't even have a say so. But it was after all the crap she put us through and knowing that he never really loved her, they were neer married. And to see how she does not care about SD. But, DH's ex wife which he has a son with, I would never get rid of stuff. But the only things he has left of their life together are some pictures of her with their son. We mutually understand that our ex's were a significant part of our lives and helped us create children. That is a big deal. I think if most people could get past their anger, they would see that they don't hate their ex as much as they think. Dislike, I am sure... but not hate. (Haha.. I kmow many of you are thinking "whatever, I hate the bastard!"...) I have those moments as well.

"I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay."

from my first marriage. they meant and still mean ALOT to me. but your DH handing down his wedding band to his kids is creepy. i mean, it's a failed marriage. it's weird. keeping it is one thing but giving your wedding ring to your child is a symbol and an act of love an honour of your 'family' and your 'love' for your wife and their mother. i think it sends a strange message. but like i said, keeping these things is personal. some people like to clean house and move on. i never throw anything away. each man i've loved has helped me to become the person i am today. and i don't forget.

Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.

My mother gave me her wedding ring (from my father) for my 30th birthday. My parents married at 15 and 21 years old and were married for 23 years. I have older siblings and I was 8 when they divorced. Yikes! It sounds like a bad math problem! Anyway, my parents grew up together and the ring did represent the love and respect they had for each other. My parents had a very amicable divorce (Mom left Dad) but even if they didn't I would still wear the ring after all, they are MY parents and how I came to be. My dad just passed away at the end of last year and I have his ring too. OH! My mom recently gave me a HUGE box of letters my dad wrote to her in the years after the divorce. I have not made my way through all of them yet but it's nice to read the story of their relationship and realize as an adult, it wasn't always great and they were definately human.

I would say if the "momentos" are offensive to ANY party, pack them away in a nice box like a time-capsule. Maybe even do it with the offended party and put it away in the deep dark recesses of the garage, attic, or basement and forget about it. When the kids start asking questions it will be there and the kids will be greatful.

My DH had one or two pics of the ex-wife and gave them to one of his daughters last year. He had no interest in having them which is his business. I know this is strange but I was thinking...what if our kids want to know about dad's past? I would think they might like to see pictures of dad's life and that would include the ex who is their siblings mom. Any thoughts on that?

I actually wish that BF had some things from his previous relationship. For the first two years that we were together, he had absolutely nothing from his marriage to BM. Then, she was cleaning out her guest house (junk depository) and came across a bunch of letters they wrote to each other. She boxed them up and gave them to him. I was kind of relieved at this. You don't just come out of a 14 year relationship with nothing at all. That, to me, is weird. I still have only seen three pictures of them together, total. And I've never seen a picture of BM from before she got fat - apparently she used to be really pretty. I would like to see what she used to look like, to get an idea of what the woman that he fell in love with was like. I know that the BM now is a lot different than what she was like then.

The time that he spent with her is part of what made him into the man that he is today. I would never begrudge him of that. Now if he was displaying this stuff in the house, or getting it out every week to "reminisce", that would be different (I think that was BM's plan when she gave it to him). But it all stays tucked in its box in storage, where it belongs.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

when it is kept for the kids. In my ss room is a picture of his mom and dad together from when they were young. I was never married before so I have nothing to hang on to and H has very little to hang on to as our crazy BM destroyed literally most of it. I think that his ex has stuff put up at her house too. I think sometimes people are afraid of the amount of sentimental value that those items hold for those who are saving them. So I say to each their own.

It's nice to be able to pass down to your children something from happier times with their other parent. It can give them a sense of, I don't know, continuity. Remind them that where they came from wasn't all bad. I kept nothing from my first marriage and neither did DH. I have no idea if his ex kept anything. DH's mother does have lots of photos for the skids to have someday, which I think is great, because I doubt either one of their parents kept any of them as a family.

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ANNE 8102 ♥ GEORGIA

My BF has pics from 1st marriage...I dont mind him keeping them for his skids. But he packed them away so i dont have to look at them. Also they have a wedding video and his SD has it. She wanted to watch it once with all of us........UGH NO WAY!!

DH had a laminated invitation from is first wedding in our filing cabinet......our paper shredder ate it. Then, his whackjob mother felt it necessary to cut out the newspaper announcement of their divorce which he had in the filing cabinet. That went to the shredder as well. I'm not certain why his parasitic mother or he would think the newspaper announcement was important when he has the officially signed divorce decree on cardstock with an official raised court seal.

Then dumped them on her sisters car one day. Her sister finally allowed me to borrow/copy them for SD. In the bags of loose pics were two full albums of DH's from West Point. Both of these BM claimed had been lost over the many military moves. DH did not have me scan those, but kept them. I felt bad because BM's sister was so concerned to even let me scan them (everyone fears BM's wrath) but in the end I gave in to DH just keeping those two albums, as well as all pics of his family. There were pics in there from his high school graduation with his 85 year old Grandmother, and there were others with his mom holding SD, etc. BM hated all of his family and we're lucky she didn't just burn them.

I'm sure her dress and rings are gone. The wedding album was in there, but DH didn't want them I just copied some of the pics to make sure SD had them.

SD knew what I was doing and brought more pics she wanted me to copy. I think she understood that pics of her childhood should have been shared with DH, not just taken from him by BM.

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

My FH's mom kept the photo albums and video of his wedding, and I am ok with that. He did not like it but his kids need to see that and they may want to keep that stuff for themselves.

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

FH had a bunch of pics on the computer that he was "saving" for his kids. I felt it was disrespectful to me to have pics of her on any computer in my house. He disagreed but I don't care. He had them placed on a separate disk and stored them away to give to his kids someday. Whoopie-de-doo!! The b**** has hundreds of pics at her house - let the kids get those.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

I was never married prior to marrying DH, so maybe that is why I have the feeling that I do about this topic. I had a few boyfriends before finding DH and did not keep any items that were reminders of those relationships. One of the relationships lasted for a couple of years, and once it was over, I shredded all letters, cards, pictures - anything that reminded me of him. If it didn't fit in the shredder, it went in the trash. And I also sold or gave away all of the jewelry he had given me. I must say that it was a bad relationship, so I didn't want to be reminded of it.

Typically, it is the female in the relationship that is sentimental about passing along things of this nature to children and grandchildren, not the male. Once my DH and his ex-wife split, he shut that door, locked it, and threw away the key. He never addresses his past and could care less about having any momentos from it. I remember when we were dating, I went over to his house and he must have run across some old pictures that had the ex in them. He hadn't said anything about it, but I saw them laying in the trash when I went to throw something away. He loves his kids, but to this day feels that he was pressured into marrying her and regrets it. Personally, I'm glad he has that outlook on things because I don't want to deal with seeing pictures of her or any sort of token that symbolizes their lives together. That's all history, and we have our own memories to make together.

If someone wants to pass along pictures and whatnot to their kids, let BM do it. That's usually the woman's doing anyway, isn't it? Another thought, you can always pass down things from YOUR marriage to DH - although I'm the SM, I'm still married to THEIR dad.