well it only took a day...BMs back at it (UPDATE)
so this was the first weekend we've had SD in over a month bc of court and all BMs shenanigans...and naturally, like i predicted, BM starts again. she called and then texted on sat evening to tell him she had her cousins phone! who the f*** cares?! please explain to me why its necessary to bother him w this info. anyone? so he texted back, only bc he wanted to make sure she was gonna be at mcdonalds like they were doing b4 they went back to court. if u rememeber, when they were ironing it all out the GAL wouldnt put mcdonalds as an exchange bc "if you 2 cant get along to drop her off at each others houses, theres a problem." NO SHIT. FH didnt say anything bc the guy then said that they could decide on anywhere to do it, he just wouldnt put it in the papers. so we thot they had an understanding to keep it at mcds. heres the following texts:
FH: mcdonalds at 11
BB: no. my house. read the papers.
FH: both lawyers said we can make other arrangements. mcds at 11.
BB: my house. or im calling the cops the cops at 1101
FH: stop being such a controlling bitch? mcds at 11.
BB: b waiting at my house
so he has no choice but to take her over there, which is not fair bc he got her from daycare. shes not coming to our house either. and shes still packing a bag like we dont have anything over here for her. i told him she wasnt gonna change. she won in court and they didnt do anything to protect us from this and FH didnt put up enough of a fuss bc he really thot (naively and stupidly) that she would quit. i told him this is what we'll be dealing w for the next 15 yrs bc shes not gonna change and he knows it. all i know is something better change, bc i refuse to go back to living my life all stressed out w her calling and starting shit all the time.
sorry for the vent...:(
UPDATE: so he dropped SD off and told BM: first, dont pack a bag. we have everything she needs at our house. plus, bella just bot her new clothes, including underwear that fit bc those are too small and theyre cutting into her.
BM: oh i have others i just threw those in
FH: well no bags anymore. i cant get her on tues for awhile bc im starting my new job new wk
BM: i can keep her on tuesdays bc thats my wkend w her anyway. i wont say anything (yeah rite)
FH: no more phone calls or texts. u dont need to talk to me about anything. quit bothering me.
BM: the papers say i have access to her by phone whenever i want and u cant stop me. (we just wont answer the phone)
FH: why cant we exchange at mcds like we had been?
BM: the papers say my house.
FH: they said we can do anywhere; why are u being such a controlling bitch?
BM: my house.
he leaves. oh, also, she told daycare to only give him one card so shes still trying to keep me out. he called and raised hell and he has to fax the papers that say he has joint legal custody. all bc she SAID something. they took HER at her word but WE have to prove he can have someone else pick her up???!!! wtf. FH said he doesnt see this (seeing SD) lasting long bc its clear BM wont ever stop. hes gonna bring all this up in court when they go back next month.
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3rd party exchange
Is there anyway that your FH can request, through the court, that since they can not get along that all exchanges be made through a 3rd party? I have had a couple of friends do this (back in CA) and it was great plus your fh wouldn't have to even see the witch. I feel for you. If the BM is doing this now AND getting away with it - she will never go away until something gets settled in court and your FH sets up boundaries with her to stay the hell away. You are going to have to be the one to decide if you can deal with this for the next few years. My SD is 15 and BM lives far away and I think that is the ONLY reason my FH and I have made it this far. I have heard all the horror stories that she had pulled on him when the daughter was small and every g/f he ever had dumped him because of her. I don't know how old you are but if you are fairly young (20's) RUN! I'm 39 and have a lot of patience built up and a 22 yr old of my own so I'm not interested in having more kids or anything so if you are - trust me there are PLENTY of men out there that would be less of a hassle. RUN RUN RUN! Take care of YOU!
i know cru
the GAL wouldnt put exchange in a public place in the papers. said they shud be able to get along enough to go to each others houses. yeah they shud but they cant bc shes nuts. they wouldnt do anything about the contact either. we brot all this up when they were ironing out the plan and they just said no to it all. its almost like they think theres nothing extraordinary here that we are going thru, or that we shud just suck it up for the kid. and the whole daycare thing just pisses me off. to tell them that and have us jump thru hoops when FH is the kids FATHER and isnt allowed to have his fiancee pick her up??? why does BM get all the control if its JOINT LEGAL CUSTODY. the only thing ican say is FH and i are in complete agreement. i really dont think he will put up w much more. our life and our peace means to much to him. we cant afford a lawyer and dont qualify for legal aid. he will be "working" on tuesdays so thats taken care of, so really he will only have to see BM twice a month. its just that twice a month leaves us open for sooooo much when the courts wont do anything to protect or help us.
OMG....
This used to happen to us as well.....right down to the exact words your BM uses!!It's all the same, unbelieveable! We ended up having it "court ordered " to do pick up / drop off's at a designated public place....and only "the parents" were allowed to do the exchange. I wanted that, cause I had given up on doing it, had better things to do at that point, and BM's hubby was to violent to control himself with his stupid threats. So it was up to "the parents" to take care of it. It even stated that they could not get out of the car, nor have any exchanges otherwise!!! That's how out of control things can get, when you have a BM that does not care about what her kids see,hear, or experiance. BM loved to put on a show in front of the kids, it was sickening!! And the threat about calling the cops, is useless......your DH should get one up on her, and use the local police station parking lot as the exchange point, then if SHE does not show up, or refuses, he can just mosey on in and request their assistance......bring the "paperwork, and text messages, including ones you'll get after he texts this idea to her (if he chooses to try it), and just ask for help. He can tell the cop he is tired of being harrassed, and just wants a "peaceful" exchange of the child. It will take the wind right out of her sails. We had to do this once...(notice I say once) and Miss Power Trip got the message loud, and as clear as her dope filled brain could comprehend.~"I'll get you my pretty...and your little dog too!"~
How old is SD?
How old is SD? Does the BM live in a house or an apartment building? Reason's I ask is.....if she is not a baby, can BF not take her to her home....and let SD walk up to the door on her own, with him watching a safe distance back?? This may be a temporary fix to help you get through BM's control. Or how about a friend going with BF when he does the drop off and let the friend take SD to the door?? These are just suggestions....
As for the bag packed when he picks her up from daycare....I would just say, thanks, but this can stay here and BM can get it on Monday!! Burst her little bubble by refusing it. Eventually the daycare staff will tell her not to bring it.
Corie
thats exactly what i said!
tell her no bags or it will be left at daycare. shes only 3 and needs help w steps or we would left her go on her own from a safe distance. she rents a house but theres stairs going up to the door. go idea though...maybe when she gets older.
It wont change
This exactly what happen to DH 8 years ago and it's still the same fortunately the exchanges mostly happen at school because sd is 11yo now. We have tried to find a lawyer to help us go back to court to get things changed but they all say unless wwe can prove BM is unfit a judge will not make any changes. I am so tired of it at this point I think we are going to try anyway in the fall.
i feel yr exhaustion
im so there. like i said, FH wont put up w it for much longer either so at least i have that. i told him this is how it will always be...everything will always be sooo difficult and will have to be her way. she wont even "let" me get her at daycare when she doesnt even have to see me...i cant wait til she tries to ban me from school functions.
Same issue here
H does all the traveling to pick SS up and drop him off when papers state the transportation is to be split. She moved 25 miles out from us so we make that trip at least 2-3 times a week. She is hateful when H comes to get him especially when her signifigant other is not there she will bring up the past and dwell on it mind you she has a baby with her new signifigant other. However when the signifigant other is there she puts on a whole new show and is supermom. She needs to get some new complaints not ones from 6 years ago or shut-up. I know it makes H sick to his stomach when it is time to go get ss cause BM is so awful. 10 years to go and counting....
I agree it won't change. I
I agree it won't change. I don't know what state you are in but it wouldn't hurt to record her conversations in case you can use them in court. Just a thought. I don't understand why everyone has to stick to the papers they are kids and not a piece of paper. I don't think I have went by anything in my decree. It's about the kids not the parents.
its her control issues
what im more upset about is we had TONS fo documentation of all of her stunts and bs, and the courts didnt care. couldnt show the judge, couldnt show the mediator, showed the GAL and he said tough. deal w it and live yr life for your kid. we had text msgs, voicemails and a log of all the incidents and couldnt use a bit. we are saving it though...maybe one day we can use it.