I understand what you mean, it is like this everytime that DH and his wife get along, but what happens is she takes it the wrong way and then gets pissy when its not what it seems to her. I myself just cringe when they get along so well is because I know what her intentions are. Dont get upset though, as long as she doesnt think that more can come from this you should be fine.

"Never argue with an idiot; they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience."

would feel that way. I am glad that she is getting her poop in a group, but it is very clingy codependant type behavior. I know only too well that being BP is not an easy feat, however he is not her husband!

I know before we had our son I had the same feelings regarding the bond they shared. Now I know that ( if my crazy husband doesn't screw things up & I divorce him... things are okay right now with us) that it will be our son that grows up loving & respecting him more that the skids ever will. I want my son to think his dad is awesome & can do/fix anything ( okay so we all know that isn't true, but that is important imo) my skids feel that way about only their mother & always will.

Continue to build your own memories together & know that this period will pass. This is probably a manic swing & we all know how long those last. ( I am evil)

my bf's ex calls my bf daily!! And every now and then they get along. He says its better to get along cus of the skids. Well i agree to that...but chatting is something eles. I put it this way if they didnt have skids together would they still talk? My bf says no......so i say that there is no reason to discuss anything but the skids. Hey i could call my ex (we have no kiddies together) and we could chat about the dog (that he got) and then chat about our lives. AS silly as that sounds...when i present it to my bf he kinda understands.

Ick. CG, I'm sorry. I've been there and to some extent I'm there all the time! My only helpful words are that even at her best, BM will never be close to the woman that you are and your DH knows that. I think he is just relieved that she's on a normal swing. It must be going around because our BM is on a normal swing also. And I'll never get over the past either so don't feel bad about that. When a person is abused just for "being there" it's a little harder to just get over...the thing with the men is that they were accustomed to this behavior from BM so it's easier for them to let it go.

However, I think you have to come clean with your DH and tell him how the buddy buddy phone calls are making you feel. He is encouraging her by answering and listening to her. You can co-parent without daily phone calls. I think the calls are inappropriate and can understand why they'd make you green. Ask him to taper them off. FIgure out what you'd be comfortable with and go from there. 1 per week should be plenty in my book

If you remember on some of my older posts which I have deleted now, I had to put my foot down with my DH about him calling his ex to check on the kids, dogs, etc.. It made me nauseated to know he was doing this. She would call him too. The phone calls I saw were pretty short, but in my situation his kids were old enough that he should have been calling his kids, not her at all unless absolutely necessary. I finally got this through to him and life has been much better at my house. Explain to him how this makes you feel. How old are your skids again?

Hey, DH and I were in Colorado a few weeks ago. Man, that weather is weird. One minute raining, one minute snowing, then hail with no rain. I did like it there though. We're thinking of moving there sometime.

Einstein's definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

You do sound confident - and you need to know that it's okay to feel insecure at times. You also need to know that it is NOT okay for the BM to call your DH at any time. Sit down with him and explain your feelings and set up some ground rules for the BM and DH friendship. Examples, no calling on Friday nights or early weekend mornings. Keep it about the Skids - no personal stuff(her romantic life, her health issues, etc) No using your husband as her surrogate husband (home repairs, car repairs, etc. I had to set ground rules for my DH and he respected my feelings. I bet your DH will to.
Let us know how it goes.
Glynne

Flashback here.....this is exactly what happened with hubby & BM for the first 2 years....she was alllllll sweet to him, calling him all the time.......then I brought it up to him that the first time he refused her EXTRA $, she became this "thing" from hell. Then she would be all nicey nicey again for a bit, hitting him up for more $, plus the $ requested before. Hubby fell for it a few times after that, would have relapses I would call it.

It was only when he gave me a ring that her true colours surfaced permanently. (Whether she just thought I was a temporary fixture around here I am not certain). Or possibly it could be hubby gave me a ring a week after their divorce was final & she was insulted????? Since then we have been living this other hell she puts us through. Hubby did make a comment not long ago that he wished it would go back to the way it was before. I pretended to gag and stuck my finger down my throat.... :sick: Neither solution appeals to me, one is a disgusting as the next.

corie

I understand how you feel hon, I have had some insecurity around my DH recently and I am not at all use to it. So, I agree with the ladies above, talk to your DH and let him know how you feel and why. I think putting the shoe on the other foot at times helps men to understand better. I know if I were having private conversations with another man (my situation with my dh)he would be very upset and very insecure about it.

~Evil

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren

Great, they are getting along, but do they need to be best buddies? I remember a special event where my DH and BM ran the track with SD, both holding one of her hands. Around the track they went and I watched from the bleachers. It made me feel sick. I hate it when DH goes soft on BM when she is nice and/or cooperative. I don't get it. She is just like a dog to me. I know that dog, it bites and draws blood. It might look soft, fluffy and sweet but I know it is unpredictable and WILL bite again when I least expect it, so I stay away.

As for them sharing those things, I know how it feels, I've felt the same way. Funny though my husband has black out periods during their marriage. He divorced her because he was miserable and his coping mechanism is to forget the whole thing. It's kind of a relief for me. I know he would never in a million years want to be with her or reflect nostalgically. Bet your husband feels the same way. If you asked him, he is probably scared the real her will return any day.

Just remember the dog. And as my friend Joe always says, "a leopard never loses his spots"

Have in there this is not a reflection of your sense of self or being insecure. It is a very normal reaction. If you polled everyone 98% would feel the same way.

It's not that easy being green;
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves.
When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold...
or something much more colorful like that.

It's not easy being green.
It seems you blend in with so many other ord'nary things.
And people tend to pass you over 'cause you're
not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water
or stars in the sky.

But green's the color of Spring.
And green can be cool and friendly-like.
And green can be big like an ocean, or important like a mountain,
or tall like a tree.

When green is all there is to be
It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why?
Wonder, I am green and it'll do fine, it's beautiful!
And I think it's what I want to be.

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

And your post. His name is Rev Michael Dowd and he is the author and speaker of a book called "Thank God For Evolution."

He spoke at my church last night. He talks about the parts of our brain that are "stuck" in time, a time when we needed to be centered on our own needs to survive. So when people get cravings for sugar or salt, or angry and territorial, or JEALOUS...those feelings are millions of years old. So now we think, "I don't WANT to react this way...I KNOW better so why am I feeling this way????" It's your older brain, more basic needs part that's jumping in.

Does that help?????

By the way, Rev Dowd just got picked up by Eckert Tolle's publisher. Look for him to hit national media soon. (And I got an autographed copy of his book AND hug from him for saying something Zen like! *sigh*)

“I never gave away anything without wishing I had kept it; nor kept it without wishing I had given it away.” ~Louise Brooks

I think BM is just emotionally needy and wants to feel connected to anyone and important to someone- and H is the easiest target for that because they share kids and he is willing to at minimal tolerate it...
BM here still clings to some self made theory that H gives a poo- funny how we laugh at her drunkin, paim-pill popping- text messages of love and how she thinks he cares...... Anytime she has been even decent we know she is trying to do something for herself- watch the sky for that other shoe to drop.....

Make sure you are not under it with H

There is no reason where logic does not exist