You are here

I am SOOOO beyond PISSED at SD and BM

steppie1999's picture

I thought we had a pretty good weekend, considering SD12 had an attitude all weekend and kept taking it out on the boys. I know she's going on 13 and will soon be a "terrible teen" but as DH FINALLY came to realize this weekend, SD is used to getting her own way at BM's but she doesn't get away with as much when she is with us.
Anyway, the kids ran the town (very small rural) all day Saturday. Around 6:30 I called them home for supper. SD came back with one of the girls in town and last minute, and asked me if she could go skating at 7 with her friend. Now, mind you we are VERY FINANCIALLY CHALLENGED at the moment, but decided that we could scrape up the $15 for her to go skating and have money for snacks. I rushed her into the shower to get ready and then helped her dry her hair. While I was brushing her hair she winced and said she had a sore spot on her head so I asked her what happened. She said her brothers were throwing rocks at her while they were out but that it was okay and she made her brother carry her yard sale bags as a way to "earn her forgiveness". She acted like it was no big deal and in the rush to get her ready, the rock incident was forgotten.
When I asked SS about the rock incident, he admitted doing it but that SD was acting like a litte "snot" as girls will do to their younger brothers...calling names, picking on them, being just plain hateful in general. Well, the boys got fed up and threw a few small rocks from the street at them. They were wrong in doing this and their behavior has not been excused but neither has SD's because we don't allow them to mistreat each other in any way. Especially since they are learning from BM to be such bullies and teaching SD to hate her brothers because girls should rule the world and boys should be their slaves...I digress...sorry.
SD called me once while she was at the skating rink....her friends playing with their cell phones....which they had already called me at least 6 times while they were running around town earlier in the day....typical kid stuff.
Anyway, yesterday we went to MIL/FIL's house as we always do when kids are all here together so that they can see them too. MIL had s'mores planned for after lunch because they are burning out a tree stump.
SD still has an attitude toward her brothers and I had to go tell her more than once that if she couldn't resist the urge to say nasty, hateful things to them and stop kicking them, then she needed to get away from them.
Well, you might remember that SD got braces in January. We have a no-no list, provided by BM,and SD has begun to use this list at her convenience when she wants or doesn't want a particular food. SD tells MIL that at the skate rink Sat. night that she had 3 bags of popcorn (no-no), 3 cotton candies (no-no) and soda (no-no). Okay, no big deal right? It was a treat to go skating with her friends from our town.
Here's the problem, SD says "I can't have s'mores because they have marshmallows in them and they're considered sticky food" and then within minutes, while MIL and I are getting the s'mores ingredients laid out, SD comes over and starts gobbling up chocolate (without permission) until I noticed and told her to stop, you can have s'mores pretty soon like everyone else. Well, she starts with the "sticky" marshmallows again and MIL and I both told her that if she wants sweets she'll eat s'mores like everyone else....she ate just as many as the boys did.
So, no big deal, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!
After we dropped SS and SD off at BM's house and we drive away, SS (who lives with us)tells me that SD said she's going to tell BM how I made her eat s'mores. I just told him, so what?? Big deal?? Kinda blew it off.
Well, I get up this morning and discover an email from BM that came in about 1 AM, about how SS came home looking like a "lobster" from the sun, the boys threw rocks at their sister, and get this.....Mary forced SD to eat s'mores....WTF???
I get so sick of this s***!! Once when SD was about 7, we painted fingernails and toenails a purple glittery polish that SD picked out. When she got home, BM was not happy about it so SD told BM that I held her down and polished them. This is the type of stuff we deal with constantly because BM makes a big deal out of EVERYTHING so the kids tell lies and "throw us under the bus".
Recently we told the kids they had to start standing up to BM and that we would no longer take the fall for them.
Apparently, this didn't matter to SD but she may be even madder soon because if DH lets me send what I have typed up already in response to BM's email...
I'm dragging SD under the bus with me and it'll be my turn to "tattle"
Is this wrong???
I am so angry with SD because she has been doing this a lot to me lately...going home and telling lies about me to BM and then when she gets here and we talk to her about it, it's boo-hoo, hugs and I'm sorry's. Plus, she is sooooo ungrateful for everything I do for her...I have always treated her as my own (maybe that's a mistake)and would do anything for her and this is how I get re-paid. Of course, she does the same thing to her Dad so I know it's nothing more than the PAS kicking in but COME ON!!!!!

Comments

steppie1999's picture

and that's the plan. DH and I talked after he got home from work today and he is as pissed at SD as I am. We haven't had to deal with this type of thing from SD as much as we have SS's in the past but due to her age (12) she is just being a little snot and more than a little vindictive....taking after BM Sad
Our plan is this, next time SD is here, she is going to have to suffer the consequences with us for her behavior. We will sit her down and tell her that she is to NEVER do something like that again. We also want to know from her, exactly WHY she did it in the first place...especially since I go out of my way for her and her brothers and always have and if it's simply because she was unhappy that I called her out for being a little snot to everyone all weekend, acting like a little baby because she didn't get her way. She will also know that we will not be letting her do much of anything when she is here, since I told her she could go roller skating and then re-payed me the way she did.
DH already said that if she sits there and wants to "pretend" cry that it won't matter, that we'll tell her that doesn't work on us and we will keep going until she understands that this will not happen again....PERIOD!!!

"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN" Sad

ttina's picture

To prevent future issues like this... have a disclaimer form.... If SD wants to do something that is "forbidden" she has to sign a form acknoledging that she is eating something BM would disagree with... if she is going out in the sun, she is acknowledging that she has the capability of putting sunblock on. Basically, given her age, she can take responsiblity for her own actions... this "form" is just that... she is admiting she KNOWS what she is doing can have consequences. plus it shows the BM that SD is not little angel... she knows what she is doing. Of course SD can refulse to sign... then she doesn't do the activity... SD could tell BM... I was FORCED to sign.... Quite honestly how do you FORCE a 13 yo to do ANYTHING?!?!?! Put the rsponsibility directly on SD.... she is old enough to understand, and so what if BM gets all huff... this is yours and BD's parenting time... BM can blow it out of her rear.

steppie1999's picture

Here is what we sent to BM after we received the accusations that SD was throwing around to her"

"If you would be realistic, SD, SS and SS are not perfect and they do lie to you and at the very least, do not tell you everything that they should.
As they get older, they will only lie to you more and more and you will continue to believe them and next thing you know, they may get into serious trouble and then you’ll sit back and wonder…”what happened to my perfect angels”
Open your eyes before it’s too late for the kids. They need to be able to trust that they can tell you anything….ESPECIALLY THE TRUTH….and know that you are not going to go ballistic on them.
Yes, the kids have told us that you go ballistic…. A LOT!!!
The kids know we expect the truth from them and they also know that we are onto them when they lie and we will call them on it every time.
You cannot have trust when all you have is lies!"

We have not received a response from BM about it yet.

"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN" Sad

nannyof4's picture

Instead of asking her to sign a disclaimer, I would make her call her Mother and get her permission for it from now on so she won't be able to say you forced into doing anything.