Chaos
My life is chaotic. It makes sense though. My husband and I have five children between us. All five are in sports and I am either at a practice or a game 6 to 7 days a week. I also volunteer at least 10 hours a month. Oh, and then there is that pesky job I work at 40 hours a week. Self inflicted chaos.
I spoke with BMs (recently estranged) mom this morning and BM's back to her old little tricks. Trouble in paradise for BM and her BF. BM is trying to reconcile with her mom because she needs a co-signer on her lease that is up in April and her BF won't help her. BM has beyond burned her bridges in regards to asking for help from DH and I. So, she once again is depending on someone else to take care of her. It's her pattern, it's her life. If she is without drama, she will create it. Self inflicted chaos.
BM and I share that common thread. We both spread ourselves thin. We both struggle with coping. I think we both are fulfilling some sort of need in our life. Whether it be my busy schedule to maintain balance in my life or her bipolar/personality disorder mind's demand for conflict. Maybe we aren't as different as I have insisted so much in the past.
A recent post talked about calling BM a "friend" and a reference to herself as a "bonus mom". That is an ideal situation but for me will never be a reality. I like what I have with BM. I value BM's place in my life and I've even grown to appreciate her importance in it. I've accepted her for who she is and quit holding her to an unattainable standard. Her jaded way of handling things doesn't bother me anymore. Sometimes it's even comical to me. I begged and begged from the powers that be for indifference. Here I am.
I'm happy, life is good and ready to move forward.
This step life is hard but only as hard as you allow it to be. Letting go of the anger is ten times more empowering than winning any argument and sometimes embracing defeat is better than the constant battling. Anger can be a driving force but man, so can forgiveness. I forgive BM for all her shortcomings and for the first time, I realize that she IS only human. 
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I want..
To be you when I grow up
I have flirted with this rationale many times, but still haven't managed to get there. I can feel grateful for BM's craziness in that my DH would not be mine if she was nice and normal. I am at times empathetic toward BM for her situation at best.
But it will take me a lot longer to ever say I like what I have with BM, well....maybe because I have nothing but her illness experienced through her daughter. Maybe if SD didn't have the same thing I could get there, but as it is I feel right now as though I am living with BM at times. I now can fully comprehend what DH went through while married to BM. That is very hard to deal with, because her treatment of him, of his family, and of SD colors how I feel about her as a person.
So though rationally I know she can't help it, she doesn't know any a better....
I still can't make the leap that you have.
You are awesome CG
Peace, love, and red wine
I'm lucky
my skids BM is on meds. You REALLY can tell the difference. I don't mean that in a condescending way, I really do think that she is bearable and semi-normal when she is able to stay on her medication.
If you could ever get a court order to make her take meds, I think it would make a world of difference.
I think you will be able to "appreciate" BM once you don't have to deal so directly with the ramifications of her poor parenting. You will stop allowing her to have any influence on your life anymore because your SD will be an adult and will have to start making her own decisions and suffer her own consequences.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
ditto
what a happy world it would be if when I grow up I am you.....hats off to you....
?
do you do yoga, mediatate, is it because you are so busy, maybe I just need to know your secret...:)
Staying busy helps a lot!
I've tried Yoga but I am still not quite able to fit it into my normal routine.
Trying to diverge your thoughts to your own drama helps not focusing so much wasted time and energy on an unruly BM.
I think just not expecting so much from her helps not being so disappointed when she fails over and over again. Some are just destined to fail and I think it's really all about moving past their crap and not letting them drag you down with them.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
I"m trying but can't do it!
I still think that BM is an idiot.Yesterday was DH's birthday. SD16 did not call. The other skids and my BD called. So today BM calls and says, " did she call? I told her to call". Then she wishes him a happy birthday and asks him what he got for his birthday. Then procedes to tell him about her life. Just a means to try to connect with him and justify her short comings as a mother to SD16 who has sunk into the pit of her life. It's good Friday, pray for all the BM's that are lost souls. May God help them- we cannot.
Yeah
I love to read a happy blog now and then! It is difficult to deal with BMs and I think it is really difficult for them to deal with SMs! I notice that we like to accuse all BMs of being CRAZY - which it seems like sometimes. Maybe some really are. But, you are right -we are all only human, and I hope doing our best to get through life in the best way we know how. My SD's BM used to send me Mother's Day cards. But now that SD is a teenager - all bets are off. SD tells BM one story and DH another and, since they don't communicate - havoc ensues... If we could all put our stuff aside and be grown-ups - it would definitely be a better world. Good job for doing your part!