I don't think you necessarily need to consult each other over every gift you each give the skids for effective co-parenting to occur. I get that a cell phone is different... it's a big responsibility. I also understand that it probably feels like a "dig," but like the rest of us, I'm sure you've got bigger fish to fry than an 8yo kid's cell phone useage. Right? I would treat it as just any other phone. The same rules for calling her mother still apply. The only difference is that she uses her Firefly instead of the home phone to make her calls. This doesn't eliminate the supposed problem of her feeling uncomfortable asking to call. If your rule in your home is that she has to ask,then she still has to ask permission to make the call, regardless of which phone she uses. She still can only make calls at reasonable times, she still can only call once she's gotten permission, etc. They may have given her a phone, but you and DH control it's use in your home. Personally, I think it's probably a waste of money for a kid this age, but hey, it's not my money and it's not your money, so I wouldn't sweat it. In fact, I'd get a little chuckle out of it, because if she thinks she's controlling anything that goes on in your home by giving SD a cell phone, she's mistaken. She can give SD anything she wants, but YOU and DH get to decide whether or not she gets to use it, when she gets to use it and how she gets to use it when she's with you.

~ Anne ~

"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook

Well you're lucky it is a firefly phone tho. My SD9 has a real cell phone that will not leave her hand the whole weekend. She calls BM 6 or 7 times a night. And goes and hides in the bathroom to do it. It's absolutely ridiculous. BM is constantly sending her text messages asking if she's okay and telling her she loves her. It's nauseating how much these two are obsessed with one another.

We tried to put a stop to the phone coming to our house and BM threw a horrendous fit. So we allow it because we're doing the sucking up thing right now. DH is afraid to make BM mad because we get repercussions from SD.

And I purchased it for her. I have no problem with it and it was my idea. But our reasons were because her father and I only have cell phones. Neither of us are ever home enough to justify a home phone. On occassion, it is difficult to get through or the cell phone server might be having problems, etc. There have been a few times where I tried to call him or vice versa and we couldnt reach each other. Plus, I get tired of running around to get BD whenever he calls. He also has a hectic schedule and when I want to talk to BD it was difficult. Very rarely does she use it to call either of us, except to say good morning or good night. But that is also what we have taught her and made her accustom to. It is all part of having a routine for her to stick to. If it became excessive, the phone would be removed.

I think I would have to agree with Anne as far as having bigger fish to fry. I have learned in this game called parenting to pick your battles. If the cell phone gives her some sort of security, then let her have it. It sounds to me like her mom is co-dependant on her and wants that link. Give it time and the cell phone will wear off. Trust me.

"I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay."

BM gave SS a cell phone so he could call her when I was "being mean." What the F ever you crazy bitch. Anyway, I look on his phone every so often and he calls her at all hours of the night and day. Sometimes I listen to their conversations through the door. All he does is make stupid noises and act stupid while on the phone with her. I made this comment in a previous post a while back and had some good suggestions; like Anne saying treat it the same as your home phone. I say watch yourself because if your SD is anything like my SS he blows things was out of proportion and makes me look like a terrible person. And this cell phone has only helped him out.

The reason is that BM harasses DH constantly. DH changed his cell phone number yesterday. We plan on buying SD a small child cell phone, such as Firefly or the like, to be used for communication between BM & SD ONLY.

We hope in by doing this that BM will not call for DH. BM knows that when SD is on the phone that no one else will take over the call when BM requests it.

In DH's court order it does not state anything about "co-parenting" except for a few certain major issues (like medical & education). BM has refused to let DH be apart of even these major decisions. The only thing it does stipulate is that either parent is not supposed to interfere with phone communication between parent and child.

Our situation may be different than yours. I do agree with a couple of other folks about YOUR HOUSE YOUR RULES---even for a phone you did not buy. If BM flips, let her. You & your DH need to do what it is best for you and your family.

So a few months ago we went over to BF's parents house for dinner and SS kept wanting to hang out outside except he kept sneaking out the side gate and going out front. Everyone was out back when BF's father got a phone call from SS saying this was his new phone number. NO idea SS was outside with his BM. I was livid. He was 7 at the time and I was so pissed off I wanted to scream. Now we don't mind letting SS call his mom whenever he wants to but if his mom had a choice she would be on the phone with him every minute of every day using her annoying baby talk. We immediately set up rules for it. We waiting a day to see how he used it before coming up with the rules. He would be on the phone for an hour talking to his mom and when he hung up he would be so upset. She would tell him the things she was going to do while he was gone. Like taking his sister to a movie, then to dinner, then to the arcade. Before when SD had her cell phone BM would call the kids and tell them she was on her way over and come outside. This was sometimes 10 at night. We decided that the phone has to stay in the living room and must be turned off. SS would be able to call his mom once a night and talk for 15 minutes. On Saturdays he could call her twice for 15 minutes. Of course the new has worn off and he again doesn't seem interested in calling her. I use to remind him to call her so he could talk to her but I figure if he wants to call her he will ask. The phone still isn't allowed anywhere except the living room and it is never allowed to come with us anywhere. I don't want to be responsible for it getting lost or left behind.

First I have to say relating to this quote, "Her husband is a nice enough guy and understands what co-parenting is, and what it is not; however, her kids are probably better off if she is communicating with DH and not her husband. I wish she would grow up and understand that her personal feelings about DH have nothing to do with co-parenting. "

You are SO lucky she married a decent guy. I would love for this to happen with SD's BM (right now she's stringing two guys along and involving SD in that drama.) In the past we had decent conversations with her now ex-fiancee, but only b/c we ran into him at his daughter's/my son's elementary school. However, BM requires total loyalty, and would not LET him talk to us if she were there. I would have loved for him to marry her and be able to co-parent through him. BM used to claim he was insanely jealous and that she wasn't to mention DH to him. After several of those conversations at the school, as well as a few with HIS (BM's ex) ex-wife when I ran into her at the school, we knew that was a lie.

Now the new BF is supposedly a nice guy too according to SD. We know he throws money at them though, and that may be his main "nice" quality. Either way, if only she would marry one of them and we could find a way to let him do the communicating. BM tries to go through SD and that's a mess because SD will use the power to try to manipulate us both to get whatever she wants.

All that being said.... because they both do seem like nice guys and BM is absolutely nuts...I really hate to wish being married to her on either of them.

Peace, love, and red wine

In my opinion giving young kids phones within discussion are often just another f you from bm that'll be abused. Ss was given one at 7! Recently the contact has gotten crazy, since he can type well. He stays 2 evenings an a weekend day, bm contacting him all the time about trivial crap. Including one weekend day ruining our day out face timing him with the step sister that they've bought a pet rabbit so of course cldnt wait to go see. Clock watching. We messaged bm about the level n said on holiday we will call you from dad's phone once a day no need to send his. She does no more than hide the phone n encourages him to be devious taking it to toilets ringing her teatime for ages. I would say bm property either don't send it or you guys hold onto it and the child gets a set time to talk. 

NO, NO, NO! Do not let her have a phone. My SD got given a phone at the same age and it caused no end of issues. It's a tool they can use to manipulate parents. Every time she was disciplined in either household she would text or ring the other parent trying to twist things and make out like she was being abused. We now can't get her off the damn thing. She's always playing on it, taking selfies or using it to pit her parents against each other. If she wants to call her mum, fair enough, but she should use the house phone.