what do I say or do for him?
Last night I was watching The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and my husband sat down with me and started watching it with me. The part where one of the girls calls her dad and tells him that she is upset with him and that she was mad at him because he wasnt around and that he was not there for her and why she felt that he didnt love her and what she did wrong to him to make him treat her the way he does, and why she doesnt get to see him more. At that point my husband looks at me and tells me " thats going to be my little girl saying that to me one day" and I see his face look so sad and he tells me" I miss my little girl" It tore me up inside knowing that he is a good father and thinks of her everyday and that he loves her and does the best he can for her and is hurting so much because someone who is selfish and self centered can do this to him! He hasnt been able to talk or see her in a long time. She has been holding her from him since Oct. She got a restraining order against him in Nov. from contacting her or their daughter because she didnt have her way with him as far as money being settled out of court, he told her that if there is gonna be anything to do with money that it needs to be resolved in court. We have not been able to travel up to where they are to contest the order because of the lack of money to get him there, and the time to get up there also. He is in the middle of a training course for his M.O.S. and needs to finish and cant take leave because it will foul everything up. What do I say to this poor man? Is there anything that any of you have said to your signifigant others if and when they were in this situation? There is nothing that I can relate to because I have never had a child ripped from me and alienated from my presence and my entire family.
- pissedoffinNC.'s blog
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thanks Steve, that means a
thanks Steve, that means a lot to me coming from a man that is going through it.
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Thanks most evil. His
Thanks most evil. His daughter is three and when her mother would call and harass my husband for not calling she would always say.. "well I told her that you were gonna call.. and you didnt.. what the f*ck is your problem? you are a deadbeat father!! she keeps asking for you!!" and he would tell her that he cant call all the time like she (her mother wants) and at that time we were on the west coast and she was on the east coast so there was a huge time distance and we were three hours behind at that time. He would always call on the weekends and there was times that she didnt want to talk because she was too busy playing and he understood that. One time she was talking to him and then all of a sudden she said to her mom.. " I dont want to talk anymore." and she asked why and she told her mom that " he wasnt being nice" ... we dont know.. thats just something sometimes kids pull and she could have also been told that or heard her mom say that about him. But them one time she was yelling at my DH and he heard his daughter say " dont talk to my daddy that way!!" and he laughed.. but thanks so much you guys, Im so glad that you responded and gave me some insight on your personal experiences.
OH MY GOSH!
WATCH YOUR DH LIKE A HAWK. This is exactly how things happened with my friend and you know what the result of that was.
I'm not saying that your DH is suicidal, but he obviously feels bad enough if he says that while watching a "chick flick". Actually, even if he said it to you directly regardless if he was watching a "chick flick". Even though men are wired differently by nature, you should feel really good that he feels like he can truly be himself around you and let his guard down like that (although some other times he might drive you so nutty you need to borrow Cruella's frying pan).
I am not also trying to make light of it either. Just pay attention.
It sounds though that he has your support all the time with this and that he's really doing well with training, and being a responsible and loving person in general. That's why you love him and married him, right?
He misses her because he's human, unlike what the BM seems to be. Just take care and let him know you have his back as I'm sure he has yours.
MamaJenn24
Some men are like martinis: dry, very cold and they think they are fabulous because of the two olives dangling down at the bottom of their swizzle stick...Anonymous
"Don't Give Up Sweetheart"
My husband saved every penny he could and fought for legal custody. he detached his heart and used his kids as his ambition for promotion. He got full custody but I am sure his situation is different.
I would say "Don't Give up Sweetheart" because as she gets older, so will he. He will earn more money with promotions and can save up to take her to court to at least be allowed to communicate with his child. Then slowly he can send her cards or pictures. These little gestures truly matter.
If my father even picked up the phone to say he was proud or even "ugh sorry kid" then I could forgive him for leaving my mother for my stepmother. But he hasn't since they divorced 10 years ago. I am a grown woman but regret that when I need career advice, as much as I would love to call him, I don't think he would know my voice.
Be patient and do not give up. Otherwise, his ex will have won yet another battle.
"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln
thanks cactus, I will be
thanks cactus, I will be sure to tell him to not give up. in those same words too.
thank you Jenn. I know
thank you Jenn. I know exactly what you mean as in "watch him" it scares me sometimes because he gets so angry and hurt. He does have my support all the time and I tell him all the time that things will get ironed out and she will know who her father is and everytime he sees her has to make a memory for her that will stand out to her until the next time that she sees him and between that tell her how much he loves her.
As a Marine I am scheduled
As a Marine I am scheduled to go to Camp Lejeune in July. After reading this I am a little weery as to whether or not I am interested in going through with it or not. I have been contemplating anyways but especially after hearing this it definently makes me think more. Things like this should not happen. You hang in there if you are still alive and please god watch over her and her baby. This is terrible and my sincere sympothys go to you and your family.