and I told him I didn't like it...and I felt the same way you do..like he can't "get it up" without watching that. No, I don't think you're overreacting...

I call bullshit on the "info" purposes. Any grown man unless he grew up in an ultra-conservative household, has seen women, looked at videos or mags and has discussed what goes on in porn. Sometimes having a change of scenery spices things up. What's your overall attitude toward porn?

Do you ever watch it with him? Does he coerce you into things you aren't comfortable with b/c of what he is watching, or are you mostly miffed that he looks at it and gets worked up?

I don't have a problem with porn in general. I think I have a pretty male view of porn. I enjoy watching the occasional movie or flipping through the occasional magazine. 9 times out of 10 I look at it w/ my fiance and it's fun for both of us. If he looked at it alone, it wouldn't bother me, because I know what he likes and that if he is turned on, he comes to me and no one else. He knows that from time to time I look at stuff on my own, but we always talk about it - it's never secret.

Why do you have a problem with it? (Pure curiosity - no disrespect intended) I'm asking because I think that would affect how people respond to your question. (I find this topic very interesting so my questions are in the way of personal "research")

You will get a forum on this topic that is very agreeable. As it is definately an "each to their own" topic. I personally think men looking at porn alone is disrespectful to their wife or visa versa. Its something you do while single in my opinion.

Porn as a single issue, I am happy to watch it with my spouse (although he would never, good christian up bringing he thinks it's wrong altogether) and I think in a relationship it can be useful to spice up a sex life and get one or both in the mood more often. I also think the info thing is a croc. You get plenty of sexual info on the internet without actually going to porn sites as such.

Besides all this, internet porn is evil...it gives you virus' and other nasty internet germs that stuff up your hard drive..LOL.

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

d

I am on the statistic side, ask any marriage counselor what large thing has entered marriage problem lists in last decade and they will think of compter porn.
It is addictive and unfortunately needs a bigger and bigger rush to get excited so I would call him on it now.
I have a girlfriend whose husband got so addicted he got a cam and started having sex with strangers online watching them and them watching him, got into pretty sick stuff.
He did eventually go through therapy after she caught him wacking off to the view of two women performing onkine just for him.

The point is he's doing it without you. If you don't want to watch it then maybe you could talk to him about coming to bed WITH you, you know a real LIVE person. Then you can get each other in the mood rather than him getting in the mood with other women on the computer, tv, or magazine.

Ironically, I watched some really bad (even for porn) soft porn that you could order for free on Icontrol cable movies with DH one time. And watching it with me made him uncomfortable. He turned the TV off and his attention to me rather quickly. He didn't even want the show on anymore. I think the fact that I thought of it was a turn on enough for him Maybe if you limit DH to watching it with you, he'll feel the same way.

I had a BF in my late teens who would look at porn in front of me but not with me. It made me feel I wasn't good enough. Very isolating. I know how you feel.

Oh- and my ExH would occasionally go out with his friends to strip clubs ("it's just what guys do" ummm...yeah right.) Then he would come home to me ready to have sex. I would say, "Do not touch me. You are turned on by and thinking about someone else." He would say, "But I came home to YOU." Whatever....not a good motivator on my part.
Peace, love, and red wine

let my VERY CONFUSING OPINION out on this one. I personally have no problem with porn, as long as it doesn't offend or interfere with your relationship with your partner. I think if your partner is hurt by it then it should stop or at least be view "respectfully" if there is such a thing. Kinda like watching it only when the option of your live partner is not available(when they're at work, gone on a trip, etc...) BUT it should be anywhere very visible so it doesn't offend the one who doesn't like it.
I think porn is better than going outside the relationship in real life and catching a disease or a stalker harassing you and destroying your life or something as tragic. BUT it is a form of infidelity if it hurts the person you're with.
I also firmly believe that porn, for me, has a lot to do with self esteem.
If I feel good about myself I don't see why he NEEDS to look at someone else. If I feel bad about myself I want him to only notice me---no one else. If I feel sexy then I feel good knowing that he can look at someone else and still want me enough to perform and care about my needs. If I feel frumpy then I get very hurt that he NEEDS the stimulation of someone else to make him horny enough to be with me.
On the other hand when we watch it together we don't make it very far before we forget there is something to watch, it turns us both on.
There are even times when I am soooo not in the mood then I catch something even a little adult and imagine how it is me and him in place of that couple that I see and I can't wait until we are making eachother feel that good. He never knows what strikes---lol
Now that I have completely confused everyone with rambiling my insanities, and have shown all of you a little of what he has to deal with from me(poor guy), I guess what I am ultimately saying is; Are you sure it's the prorn itself that bothers you or could it be more along the lines of your own sense of security, self worth, and/or satisfaction in your relationship? Could it be something that maybe you could work with and find a way to enjoy yourself or with him? Or maybe use it to your advantage.
Mens clubs are definitely out of the question.I have gone to them and am not impressed with some of the things I see there.
On line with other women is also definitely out of the question. It is a form of infidelity.
You need to find your comfort zone with him and make clear boundaries that you can BOTH agree on. This is a topic that can strengthen or kill your relationship but you both have to have good enough communication to be able to deal with something so personal.
Lisa Dawn

A couple of friends of mine and I were talking one time -- one was an assistant US attorney; another a Chapter 13 Trustee (employee of the Justice department). One of them made the comment he subscribed to playboy when he was younger (so did I) but when his children were born he started thinking about the example of him subscribing or what if his kids found it? He has raised 2 great children and I respect this gentleman immensely. His subscription was cancelled after he thought of that.

What two consenting adults do in their own home is their own business -- but I think there has to be an element of respect. If the guy likes to watch porn and the wife doesn't mind, then whats the harm? If the wife does mind and it hurts her feelings, then what does that say about the relationship?

I know both me and my ex wife (and my ex gf) watched a couple of movies together and our chemistry was so good that well, adults will often be adults. Did the porn stimulate some of it? Maybe. But the fact that the two of us cared about each other as people and loved each other was more of the turn on.

I am guilty of watching girls on the street and in restaruants etc. As I got older I learned to do it more discreetly, but I find women to be beautiful. Just because I look doesn't mean I will cheat -- haven't cheated in a relationship yet and don't really plan too. Yet I also learned it can hurt a relationship.

I also know (or felt) that at times my ex wife (and ex gf) would withhold sex. Might have been they weren't in the mood, but I will say if a relationship gets to that point, there is a major deep seated problem. I want someone that I can love and will love me in return -- they don't have to be a 22 year old busty, long legged nymphomaniac cheerleaders...but I do want that chemistry.

I found my wife (when we were married) to be the most beautiful lady on earth. I was engaged to my high school sweetheart -- she had the most dazzling green eyes I ever saw. Gawd, I still remember riding around in high school in my TA (with the T-tops and her friend yelling "Follow that star!" My ex gf could take my breath away with one look. None of them graced the covers of playboy, but I would never ever trade the romantic times with them for any amount of money in the world.

Kevin

that sh!t. It can cause real problems in the long run. If you want to look at porn ---GO & don't come back. PERIOD. I don't need another problem in my life. I can support myself & can find another man IF I want him. That is my attitude. So far, so good. But I have a real good man.

I tend to think it's not necessary for people in a loving, committed and physical relationship. I also think it's a "to each his own" kinda thing. If both parties are okay with it, then it must be okay for them. It's not for me. I was once married to (and quickly divorced from) a porn addict, so I personally would steer clear. I don't think my old fart husband particularly cares for it, either, but if he did, he's respectful enough of what I went through in my first marriage to not partake. We're both kind of old-fashioned, though, and totally think the flesh-and-blood experience is preferrable to any other medium one could find. I'm dying laughing at Steve's "fun with self" comment, though. Why do guys think we don't indulge ourselves when they're not around?!

~ Anne ~

"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook