Makes no sense
For some reason BM is getting on my nerves more than usual. From what I read about on the site, I definitely don't have it as bad as many others out there. Today, she did something that really makes no sense to me. MY fiance's company is sponsoring a holiday party of sorts for all the kids of the employees. It falls on their mom's normal custody day but during the time that the kids are normally in daycare. It is also the night that his daughter has dance class. He asked her if he could take the kids and she basically said no. (it wasn't because they have any special plans, just that she could say no)
I am dumbstruck that she gives time when she would actually be able to spend time with the kids to his parents, her parents her boyfriend, etc, but when their own father wants to spend an extra 2 hours with them when they would be at daycare anyway, she says no.
I had already committed to making some cookies for the activity (cookie swap). I will still have to make them the night before and the kids will be here and be curious. He says he is going to tell the kids and tell them that she said they couldn't go. I am very inclined to tell them that they were invited and that their mom said no. The more I think about it the madder I get. I want to scream at her and ask her what her problem is. It is absolutely apparent that she is keeping the kids from their dad at every possible opportunity. I am really coming to hate her when she continually does things like this. I would understand if he had ever (no exaggeration) turned her down when she asked for extra parenting time, but he hasn't. Whenever possible he will work with her if she needs to switch a weekend. I just don't get it.
- Mary Louise's blog
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Comments
Oh, that kind of thing I am so used to....
You are right, it is not fair. We deal with that too. From the very beginning, BM would deny even legal visitation with my DH just because she felt she had the right. First, it was because he was dating me, of course she had never met me, but she wouldn't risk the kids going to see their father during their normal visitation to try and prevent them from meeting me. It took a few months, but DH finally had to take her to court for that so that he could see them regularly again. She hasn't denied regular visitation in a few years, but it comes up in ways similar to what you describe. I have come to expect it, and sadly, I guess you just get used to it. I have never confronted her on that one, because I know it wouldn't matter, but I guess that is up to you. I would say chances are, she will continue to do it just because she can.
Sorry your skids have to miss out on a fun time with you guys!
I can imagine how maddening
I have deleted this entry
"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" - Albert Einstein
i agree
we are very use to this happening and unless you take her to court, there is not a lot they will do as awful and unfair as it counds
****The best exercise is walking down the aisle****
They do it because they CAN.
My husband retired from the military two years ago. BM had TWENTY YEARS worth of advance notice that this event would be happening, but just to make sure the skids were at the ceremony, we asked to get them two months in advance. Her response? "I'm sorry, but my mother is taking the girls on a shopping trip out of state." Huh?! Since when does her mother get to supercede COURT-ORDERED VISITATION?! Apparently, whenever BM feels like it. It's bad enough that she would never let us have them EOW as per the schedule. It was bad enough that she had to ruin every holiday. But to not let them come for this important ceremony ending his military career was, well, unforgiveable. We ended up getting two out of three skids for the ceremony, but the oldest SD did not want to come. We said fine and left her out of it, but DH was REALLY hurt by this and I'll never forgive her for choosing shopping with her grandmother over celebrating her father's twenty years serving our country. Point is, some of these BM's don't need a reason or an excuse. They do it just to put the screws to their ex-husband and they do it because they know they can get away with it. I never understood how she could hate her ex-husband more than she loved her own children, because denying a child his/her father hurts them as much as it hurts him.
~ Anne ~
"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook
So how do you proceed?
Do you let the kids know that their parent is depriving them of little opportunities like these or keep quiet about it and create tension? The fiery part of me wants to tell them, but I can't decide if the telling of it is disparaging to their mother or just being honest. This on top of a move from hell and I am about ready to go to bed for a week straight.
I know that we can't say something to them every single time, but in this instance I think they will find out either way. They are going to be confused, no doubt, but I think they need to know that their mom is actively trying to stunt the relationship with their dad.
We Tell SS7, that he was
We Tell SS7, that he was invited and his mom said no. This has happened many times. My nefews birthday party, for example. I asked if we could take him then drop him back off after the party, she said no. So when I was putting all the pics on my computer, SS saw them and asked why I didn't take him, I told him straight out, your mom said you couldn't come. It maybe the wrong thing to do. But I think its better than the child thinking that he/she is not wanted my our family. BM will do this all the time. But will expect DH to give to he visitation when ever she has other things palnned for SS. The only thing we can do is to call the police when she will not follow the order, but DH will not do that because "it will just cause more problems"