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Help!!!!!

mom_STEPMOM's picture

Submitted by mom_STEPMOM on Sat, 11/17/2007 - 6:18pm

My husband and I have been having minor issues with SD 17. I always have disagreements with my husband stating SD just comes around when it is convenient for her. The issue I'm having now is that I happened to over hear my husband talking to SD on the phone last night, he told her he would be leaving her 20 dollars in the back yard gutter. I know 20 is not alot of money but the point is that he is keeping this from me. What else is he keeping from me? What is this teaching the SDS? I was very upset only because he was not going to tell me. I feel that he is teaching the kids that it is OK to keep things from me. As we were arguing he said I have always kept him from doing things for his kids and that is why he did it. i don't feel that way, I think that since we are married everything needs to be discussed. Am I making a big deal out of this?

Comments

sparky's picture

Submitted by sparky on Sat, 11/17/2007 - 6:54pm

My H and I had a major fight over a 20.00 under almost the same circumstances. My H and your H would agree they feel it takes away from the manhood if they cant make a decision about 20 bucks even if it is under sneaky circumstances. I let it go thinking it was going to cost a lot more than 20 for a divorce or counseling and his manhood was restored. LOL

strugglingat28's picture

Submitted by strugglingat28 on Sat, 11/17/2007 - 9:58pm

I deal with DH and my SD always wanting everything, including money. She knows that I won't give it to her whenever she wants, so she has resorted to stealing. Just lovely of her, huh? So, DH tells me that it is better to just give her the money than to have her steal it. DUH, shouldn't we just teach her to not steal and live without something for once? She is so spoiled, you would keel over if you knew the things she has.
Anyway, my point is, that I can't always control DH's decisions, but I can force him to make me aware of them. I would tell him that you will not tolerate being lied to or have him take money from your "joint" life, without a "joint" decision or at least "joint" knowledge. I have been thinking about how to deal with finances myself and some are telling me to get a separate account even. Maybe you should take out the same amount for yourself and something with that money without asking or telling DH and see if he likes it. You have just as much of a right to do that, too. But, I would try to talk to him first and tell him that is not acceptable and that of all things, marriage vows do include virtues like openness and honesty, which you deserve, no matter what! Good luck with it, I feel for you.

Anonymous's picture

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sun, 11/18/2007 - 1:16pm

Depends on where the money is from, if it's from His "Discretionary Funds" (His personal allotment) that's one thing, but if it's from money marked for bills etc. then He's wrong, and should at least mention it to You.

Steve

holeekrap789's picture

Submitted by holeekrap789 on Sun, 11/18/2007 - 5:05pm

I have to respond to this one. For years I was the sole income in the household and I felt that I had a say in where ALL of the money went but I was not to be questioned since I was the one earning it.
I knew that if I wanted to give to my kids or buy something unecessary, or even lend some to someone I would catch hell so I would avoid telling my SO where the money went.
Now that he has his own income I do not tell him where to spend it or how. I point out needs around the house and he can decide where his money goes.
If I found out he was spending it on another woman I would be pissed as hell but when it comes to his kid, I expect him to give and spend.
I will never forget though how for the first few times he spent money on his son, he came to me and asked me if it was ok? He didn't want to cause problems between us.
Maybe you husband doesn't tell you because he doesn't want the fight with you. Maybe he values you AND his kids and feels torn. I did.
As long as he is making his own money and your household isn't going under financially then why shouldn't he be able to give to his child/children, with or with out your knowledge?
It seems to me that his need to hide it might be undermining you but he's doing it because you wouldn't accept it if he told you about it.
The man is trapped, put yourself in his shoes and make it possible for the two of you to work together then he won't have to go behind your back.
Maybe have a talk with him and tell him you are more than willing to work with him(then prove it when the situations arise), if he is willing to show a united frony to the kids.
Good luck I have been on both sides and it sucks!
Lisa Dawn