What do you do in this kind of situation as a stepmom??
Recently BM finally found a guy she hangs out with and now she is starting to abandon her children like not being there when I drop the kids off so that she'll get one more night with this new guy. I feel like a slave until one day I said to her that since she primary custodial parent it's her responsibility to find a babysitter but she says she's too poor but she won't go to work or skip out on work. She is getting a huge amount of money from us and now she is treating me like a slave. Every time we drop the kids off with her she's always half an hour late or simply doesn't show up and calls back later and lies about our agreement and scheduling. My fiance has visitation rights but we are no obligated to have the kids 50-70% of the time when we are already paying her a HUGE sum of money. Does anyone know in this situation if she will eventually take off on the children? She fought so hard to have them just to get more money but now she doesn't want them around much because she's too busy doing going out drinking and dating a guy that most likely would take off on her if she says she wants to move in with him. I'm afraid that next time we have the kids she will not show up again... frustrating!!
- Avalin's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Keep a recort
Keep a detailed record of all the missed visitations and late pick up and delivery. Record the date, time and anything else that would pertain to the reasoning of the excuse. With proof, you may be able to return to court and ask for a change of visitation or custody. In my case. My DH had the children 30% of the time and he received a 30% discount in child support. Ofcourse, when DH was granted his "fair" discount in CS he NEVER took the kids again for visitation. OH WELL, I had my KIDS!!!
I wish money shouldn't be in the equation
My fiance is paying a large sum of money so that EX can take care of the children but it doesn't seem so. They get donated clothes and we keep buying new ones to replace it. I mean where is all the money going?? I just don't get how some mothers put themselves before their own biological children? We can't afford to have full custody and she wanted to be the primary custodial parent any way. We fought about it at first and decided that we'll have the kids as much as we can and further our career and pay her what she wants as well as make her become independent and a responsible mother. I guess it's not working because she is still not taking care of the kids like what a parent should do (keeping the kids clean with baths every day or even taking them to doctors or dentist). She expects us to figure everything out for her and wants me to become a free nanny on call for her. Quite frustrating but I know one day she'll realize that the kids will figure out what she did wrong. We keep track of everything and conversations that obviously shows her selfishness. It's truly sad for the little ones because she will indeed take off with some guy one day and leave them.
Avalin
tough decsion
I think you need to ask your self if you want to be a full-time mom to your skids. She is putting you in a very bad situation. You want make sure the are safe, but she needs to be a mother. If you think you are ready document everything and when you have enought infor take her back to court.
Love complicates things
To be honest I really do love my skids and their father as well. It's just I can't afford to have them around all the time and we never demand it in the first place because the BM wanted them as much as she can at the beginning because she didn't have a job, not much education and wanted money more than anything. My fiance at one point at the beginning had to pay $1,000 for just 2 days without sleep over to see his own kids while paying Alimony and child support on top of that. I love the skids a lot and feel so bad for them that life is the way it is and that you can choose who would be your mother. I honestly can't have the skids full time but I love spending time and seeing them as well as taking care of them. I want to see the skids when my fiance is out of town and I know the BM would love to get a babysitter like me, but I know if I give her an inch she'll take a mile and I sure do not want to be a slave. I also really do love my fiance and I know he loves me just as much, but with this sort of situation it is so difficult because he wants to be with them more but then again it puts so much pressure on me because I'm completing my masters degree at the moment. I can't study, cook, clean and take care of the skids at this time yet.
Avalin
KEEP TRACK!!!
I would check the court rules in your state.... In the state of Washington if the parents create (by action) their own parenting plan and follow such 'agreement' for a span of 12 months the court will put the agreement into the form of a legal order of the court. You will need documentation and witness account to make your case.
"Don't be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people ever have is when they take a bite out of you."
record keeping
Record EVERYTHING. This will annoy and irritate you a lot be forewarned. Anything involving CS/Custody/visitation changes takes FOREVER. Also, call local county court system and request mediation (should have a free service.) Then your efforts are documented by an unbiased professional.
And as always- when approaching anything court related, get SK's to a counselor/psychologist. Another unbiased professional.
Start stocking your arsenal. You're headed for a fight.
Peace, love, and red wine
You should not feel one bit
You should not feel one bit guilty or make excuses for wanting your BM to take her kids when it is her time. All of us have the right to let others know our time is valuable. She is taking advantage of you and your DH. She's neglecting them.
I don't know about court and trying to get this straightened out that way. It's a lot of money and stess and in the end the lawyers do most of the winning.
The best thing is for your DH to take a stand with her and insist on a reliable schedule. But that's not always possible in the kind of dynamics step families face. Still, he should not give up and make her at least somewhat accountable.
If feel your pain. It's unfair.